my DEN

If you remember how Kevin imagined his home's furnace in the basement becoming an enormous, devouring monster in Home Alone, that is how my DEN feels to me.

It's the room in which I've piled hundreds of books, reams of papers, stacks of DVD's, video tapes, asundry computer paraphernalia and hardware, a file cabinet full of papers, a storage area for all sorts over the years, yadda yadda yadda -- all of which need to be culled.

Every item must be reviewed for being tossed, donated, sold or kept - and anything retained must have its own special home.

Weeks ago, I started tackling the job of clearing everything out so I could at least get a reasonable idea of how much room is in there, and how it needs to be restructured and reassembled in order to create a proper office area for my film production work.

Everything has been taken down and/or out - I need to be firm with myself about keeping only those things I actually need. I don't know about you, but I'm a book hoarder and it will be hard to part with those I haven't actually read - which in my case happens to be most of them.

My home away from home is the library, so I tend to read books I check out at the expense of all those livres I've purchased over the years, fully intending to take a "books I own reading vacation."

Special shelves are being built for all those books, videos and dvd's - and everything must be carefully reinstalled, arranged and filed efficiently so we can find everything easily and effortlessly.

Hopefully, in a couple weeks, thanks to the help of one of my coachees who is actually a professional organizer, it will be remodeled and rearranged, complete with two desks to allow my business partner and me to work back to back, and I'll love spending my days in there.

Right now, however, every time I get near the DEN door I feel like Kevin approaching the furnace as it grew and growled!

Do you have a monster room like this?

The dream that got away

I cannot tell you how many people have come to me regretting they allowed their dream to perform, to act, to sing, to pursue whatever art they love, escape. They believed they made the correct decision several years ago, to have a more "stable, secure" life.

They now live in outright remorse that they are older - and fearful their dream - their "real passion" - has moved even farther away from their grasp than when they originally envisioned how they wanted to pursue life.

Some have finally decided to dedicate themselves to pursuing their passion and have signed up before my last day of accepting coachees from the general public tomorrow; others who have worked with me before are returning to work with me after an absence of a decade or even longer.

For everyone who wants career guidance, all I can do is share a realistic picture with them and outline the hard work ahead - not only learning the craft but pursuing a career:

This is a business; if you're an artist without a business plan, your chances of creating a livelihood are significantly at risk. We have to create one if none exists.

This work is time-consuming; if you can't create the time it takes to study, work and audition or submit your writing, your chances of success diminish.

This is a life that requires enormous faith - belief in yourself, that you have what it takes, that you can find great people with whom to work and that you're up to taking on the challenges ahead.

This is a life that requires you to risk failure - and in fact, fail - before you can achieve success - and then risk it again and again and again after you begin to succeed.

This is a craft that requires you to love the work for the sake of doing it and have no other reason to immerse your self, heart and soul into it.

This is an art that requires you to learn about yourself and others - which always means change if you are growing as an artist or a person. And those lessons don't always come easily or tenderly.

This is a profession that comes with a lot of bumps and "rejection." Don't ever take any of it personally, even if it is personal on occasion.

I say "rejection" in quotes because I don't believe in rejection, I believe in redirection.

This is a business that is *all* about forgiveness.

People can have significant differences during a production, yet when the film is finished and out there? Everybody loves everybody again.

You are not going to like some people in this business. If they have what you need, learn to work with them or work with them to learn until you can move on.

This is a business where karma rules. If someone is abusive, thoughtless, greedy or miserable to be around? Don't worry about it, just move on. Karma always rules.

This is a craft where the rubber hits the road.

Only those drivers who can see clearly what is directly in front of them to prevent accidents, as well as accurately read their career maps and destination signs along the road should get behind the wheel.

Only those who have the conviction that is *really* what they want to do, where they want to travel, and who have the courage to put it all on the line in a performance should sign up.

There is no need to give up anything or everything to pursue your dream; but the reality is that this life requires certain sacrifice and re-prioritizing your days if you genuinely want to do the work necessary to fulfill your passion and purpose.

And my goodness, it's so much fun, even in its most bleak moments. The ups and downs. The heartaches and the highlights. It's all about creating a better life - your real existence and the fictional characters you craft.

In a nutshell: the deeper the pain, the sweeter the healing.

A day for candles and silence

Every now and then I use only lit candles for light and am silent for the day.

It's a great way to center and focus on what's really important, reflect on whatever needs to be contemplated, rejuvenate my creative juices as well as reset telepathic communications channels with my pets - the way most animals connect with each other.

I'll never forget the day I told my friend Marlene that I was a little irritated when one of my actors told me what a "character" I am. As in, unusual, "special," genius-type eccentric, something like that.

What? I tend to think of myself as .. as .. well, normal. In a very expressive, artistic sort of way.

When we finished our conversation, she asked what I was doing the rest of the day. I said I was going to be silent so I could reconnect with my pets telepathically.

She blinked. Stared at me and said, "You think you're not at all unusual and you're going to spend the day talking with your animals telepathically??"

OK, she has a point.

One.

But Mistletoe, my little white Pomeranian, did tell me she was taken from her mother too soon, and sure enough, I found out she was! She also kept rubbing me with her paw in the exact location it was discovered I had cancer. Hmph. Tell me you can't learn something by listening to animal vibes... uh-huh...

And remember how antsy everyone was just before that earthquake...

But I digress.

Silence is also important when one is trying to recover from a cold and sore throat I contracted going over the river and through the woods to my parent's place for Thanksgiving.

Especially when I have an extended recording session tomorrow at Steve Mitchell's sound studio! I'm recording a book I wrote and a song for Kelli and Brian's baby Brock, which is due to arrive any day now.

I must save my voice!

I'm not sure how I'll coach tomorrow before the recording session without speaking, but I'll figure something out. Write notes? Faux sign language? Shadow figures? Hmmm. I only know how to make a shadow dog and duck.

In fact, once upon a time, I had a "great" idea for starting a shadow watchdog business. I figured I would sit in a house (for major bucks) with the lamp light facing a large curtained window and play sounds of a big dog barking while using my shadow hand reflection to imitate a dog barking ...

Think of it. No dog poop, no chance of "accidents," no shedding fur on your couch, no muddy paw prints on your rug, no chance of your faux watch dog (me) chewing your good shoes...

;-)

I kid. I kid.

Speaking of pets, I should rename them all Velcro these days because they can't seem to be close enough to me 24/7. Apparently with the changes of the past months, they are a little clingy and need lots of hugs - which I'm happy to give them, but wow. Every time I turn around, move or sit down, there's an army of animals seeking to be held and cuddled.

Usually only Oscar - my other (sage colored) Pom - rushes into the bathroom with me. Now it's him, Mistletoe and my near 19-year old cat Cagney who all dash in, following my every step.

Seriously, every time I enter the bathroom now I even expect my little neon tetra fish to somehow fly out of the aquarium and follow right behind them.

Now that would be bizarre.

Betrayal

Wow!

I hit upon the most interesting, enlightening book on the subject of betrayal: Shattered - Six steps from betrayal to recovery, by Fay A. Klinger and Bettyanne Bruin.

Basically, the authors say if you even have an inkling you might be misled or betrayed by someone, you probably are.

The more the person you suspect of misleading or betraying you protests she or he is not acting deceptively - and the more s/he refuses to communicate about the issue, chances are there's fire where that smoke is puffing up a signal.

Why do people deceive and betray?

According to Klinger and Bruin, it can be as "minor" as actually wanting to do something else while claiming they want to do what you want to do - until there is finally an explosion of wills (or won'ts). Or it can be as serious as the menacing desire to control others for nefarious reasons.

To some degree we may have all participated in and been victimized by some form of deceit, abuse or betrayal.

If we are the deceiver, it's important to recognize our behavior whether or not it occurred intentionally. And if we are victimized, we have to face up to our part in allowing it to happen, which is ordinarily very gradual until it wears on us to the point that we know we have to do something because trust is, if not lost, seriously questioned.

"Lesser" emotional abuse that is not usally seen as serious as other, more outrageous, forms of abuse, is probably the most egregious form of betrayal because it's the least recognizable.

Despite the fact that these behaviors do not leave physical scars, they are experienced by victims as the most vicious, gut wrenching and heartbreaking in a relationship because they are so acutely insidious.

Here are some of the behaviors exhibited by an emotionally abusive person:

*Finding fault in the other person
*Name calling
*Unleashing anger on the other person without permitting a discussion of the reason for the anger
*Turning a situation against the other person instead of taking responsibility for their behavior
*Withdrawing communication, silence
*Neglect of others
*Refusing to be open or disclosing of who they are and motivation for what they do
*Being late for or not showing up for agreed upon appointments
*Dismissing the other person's needs or requests
*Pressuring the other person to either do something or not do something
*Insisting on always getting his or her way or doing what s/he wants instead of negotiating
*Making the other person feel guilty
*Withholding affection
*Holding grudges
*Never forgiving
*Having a double standard
*Saying one thing, meaning another
*Keeping unnecessary secrets
*Uncaring in cases of illness or injury
*Manipulation of a situation or individual
*Stringing the other person along
*Refusing to deal with issues or even speak about them
*Minimizing the other person - believing himself or herself and his/her issues "more important" than others
*Agreeing to do something and then not doing it, continuingly claiming they will get to it later

There are far more serious symptoms of emotional abuse, but these can represent the start of an emotionally abusive relationship, and need to be addressed with behaviors changed in a positive way if the participants wish to have healthy relationships in the future.

The six steps to take the victim from recognizing the behavior of betrayal and taking action to stop it or get away from it - to potential reconciliation with the "offending" person are pretty straight forward:

1. Awareness of the abusive behavior/betrayal;
2. Acceptance that abuse or betrayal is taking place and action must be taken;
3. Action to stop the abuse/betrayal or get away from it;
4. Authorization - giving yourself permission to deal with it from a position of strength and confidence as well as potentially create the desire to rebuild trust;
5. Accountability for your own part and participation in the dynamic of abuse or betrayal;
6. Advancement into a new way of dealing with relationships and life.

The most important thing is to acknowledge how it developed so we can make certain it doesn't happen again - by both people on either side of the equation.

OK, that's the real life psychological pattern of recognizing the problem to finding a solution to prime mental health. It's great personal information.

But, like all the proved psychological studies I write about, it's also fantastic background material for a writer.

The reason I focused on the more "minor" forms of abuse is because they are the very symptoms most apt to be practiced in personal relationships, intentionally or unintentionally. And that, IMO, is what resonates most with an audience.

For example, in my recent film, Mortal Wound, Shannon, the lead character, suffers a "minor" wound onscreen. But audiences have reacted more strongly to her "minor wound" than they do watching massive explosions and blood baths because they can identify with it so personally. Some even flinch and turn their heads when this minor wound is seen.

They can't help but respond genuinely viscerally, which is supremely rewarding for the person who wrote and directed it (um, that's me...).

Mind you, these symptoms can be used for drama and comedy: the abuser in comedy usually doesn't commit them purposefully or have a hidden agenda ("What About Bob?"), whereas the abuser in a drama generally has a devious hidden motivation and manipulates others purposefully ("Midnight Lace" or "Gaslight").

The extent of successful manipulation is also usually the scope to which the victim is unaware of his or her emotional abuse. That is, the greater the manipulative skill, the less the victim is likely to understand he or she is being abused and the more likely the victim will blame her/himself for "misunderstanding" the situation.

Now - with this information, the trick is to create someone who looks like a protagonist ("good guy") but who is insidiously abusive (the antagonist=bad guy), while his or her "victim" appears to be the antagonist, but is in fact, the protagonist.

I love this stuff!

You are enough!

Have you ever exaggerated about something?

In an attempt to make people think better of you? That you're "bigger" than you (think you) are? "Smarter" than you (think you) are? Different from who you really (think you) are?

Convince people you're good enough, tough enough, successful enough?

Basically, convince yourself and others that you are "enough?"

Or even more than "enough?"

Sometimes, when we don't believe we're enough, we tend to over-promise and under-deliver.

We've probably all fallen prey to that in one or two weaker or fearful moments.

But there's no need to succumb to feeling "less than" if we understand the truth about ourselves: that we are all - each of us - enough.

Just as we are.

The truth, plain and simple

Becoming a "better" person - trustworthy, open, honest, clear, transparent, forgiving, reliable and consistent - makes us a happier person.

Time to start making New Year's Resolutions!

Errors

The concept of making mistakes is intriguing.

In art, it's crucial that the artist *want* to make mistakes, to put everything on the line in order to make adjustments until she or he finds just the right note, the right color, word, visual concept, shape, tone, subtext.

There can be no hedging, no hesitation, no equivocating, no guarded thought or concept or stroke of the brush.

It takes enormous courage to be a real artist - it is not for the faint of heart.

There are risks and rejection at every turn - not necessarily by others but the artist herself/himself. Like inventors, each misstep has to be experienced as a step closer to what the desired outcome should be.

Like Thomas Edison who said he made some 6,000 "mistakes" before he finally figured out how to successfully create the light bulb.

A mistake or error is defined as a miscalculation, misjudgment or inaccuracy.

What does it take to correct or dispell an error/mistake? Knowledge. Information, data or accurate communication.

Finding the correct knowledge to address a specific error can be tricky, but perhaps the most important element of this process is understanding that a mistake has been made.

If a minor error has been made - but the mistake is not acknowledged?

Chances are that mistake will mushroom exponentially without any awareness by the person who committed it - until, finally, the person realizes the small error was made way back when and somehow, unwittingly, it became so large it exploded.

Sometimes this happens from creating a mistaken, juvenile, notion as a kid. But until that notion is acknowledged as incorrect and addressed, it can grow into an unrecognizable wreck.

Explosions of error also occur when we fight fixing the problem - leaving it to infest and infect until it overflows.

What we resist persists.

Refusing to deal with an intentional or unintentional mistake leads to trying to cover up a painful reality - which not only makes it worse, but creates a legion of different - and larger - problems.

We see it all the time in political and business news: the mess-up isn't nearly as bad as the attempted cover up.

The truth always comes out, sooner or later.

The flip side of a mistake or error - which can be rectified with facts and knowledge - is illusion - which will never be rectified or fixed.

An illusion doesn't exist, except in the mind of the person who "sees" it.

The illusion of a mirage, for example, is believed to be a real image - but it does not exist. It's only a distortion of perceptions.

Again, if an illusion is believed to be real - it can never be recognized as a problem; so it cannot be rectified.

What is real? It's something that can be corrected with facts and genuine information and knowledge.

Illusions provide incredible, stunning drama for films, books, plays and other creative ventures.

They're not so much fun in real life.

I *love* studying this stuff.

Happy Healing Thanksgiving!

HEALING:

Is the combination of letting go completely of everything that doesn't work, forgiving ourselves and others completely, getting out of our own way, sharing who we are without hesitation and opening up completely to receiving all that is good in life.

That's my definition!

Feel free to add your own in comments!

For me, Thanksgiving 2006 is a time for family, friends, introspection, sumptuous food and gratitude for all that is wonderful - as well as the tough lessons I've learned this year that will, mercifully, enhance my life from this moment on.

My wish for you is that you have countless reasons to be thankful (happiness is the result of immense gratitude) and an infallible understanding of how to heal whatever hurts.

Note: my healing definition has received more response than anything else I have written. I am honored that it meant so much to so many - that it has made a genuine difference and created change in the lives of those readers who sent me emails. Thank you.

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Speaking of healing, for readers outside the US, this is an American holiday that honors the first Thanksgiving, when the Wampanoag Indians and the Pilgrims gathered in relative peace, even though, according to author James Loewen, the tribe suspected the settlers of robbing Indian graves to steal food buried with the dead.

According to Loewen's research, relations between the Indians and settlers were strained, but the holiday worked; folks got along. "After that, bad things happened," he says.

American Indians believe that the generosity and kindness they showed the Europeans was repaid by the foreigners overtaking their land and resources.

This ultimately led the natives to fight back, unsuccessfully attempting to drive the immigrants off their territory.

"Family" vs "Career"

One of my successful performers - who works a lot - and I discussed this concept (some see it as a problem) at length recently, and decided that the most important thing to do is not divide Family and Career in two separate camps.

I knew an actress who separated these worlds so completely she basically didn't share anything about her acting with her family. I think she thought if she talked about acting - her passion - her family would think that she considered her work more important than them.

What actually happened is that they felt excluded; so much so they believed they were discounted by her and were reluctant to even approach the subject with her.

My successful performer and I figured out that if both are combined - including people in her personal life with the process that is her art and passion - a perceived division between the two would not exist.

She wouldn't feel like pulled in two directions, but rather would demonstrate passion in/for her personal and professional life by integrating the two in her mind.

Life is life.

She now writes updating emails to friends and family at least once a week, makes periodical phone calls, send cards and letters, letting everyone know what she's up to in her work and family.

This includes progress of projects on which she's working, when and where she will be performing and information about her training. :-) She enjoys sending these missives now because she's made this new effort fun.

She and her husband (who is pursuing his own artistic passion) have also made it a priority to talk about their respective processes and artistic work so each is consistantly, constantly included in the excitement of what's going on -- personally and professionally.

I try to include friends, family, coachees, and you, Gentle Reader, about what's going on in my heart, soul, mind, work and at least part of my personal life through my blogs. I also write update emails and cards as well as call family and friends regularly.

Mind you, I'm hip to the fact that most people don't care about what I do or accomplish nearly as much as they simply appreciate feeling included in my life. This came as a surprise to me because I used to think they cared more about what I did than who I am .. but discovered just the reverse is true.

BTW, if you are an actor, writer, director, performer or other type of artist? Sharing the essence of what you're up professionally and personally creates an aura of trust and care among those on your professional team - agents, producers, publicists, etc.

Keeping these folks up to date with you is a great way to keep your name in front of them, making them feel closer to you personally.

Thanksgiving (in the US) is a great time to connect with everyone you care for/about as well as a wonderful time to hear from the people who care about you as well!

It's always a good idea to list all the things and people for which we give thanks anyway, no matter the time of year.

US readers - have a safe, warm and fuzzy holiday!

Failure becomes success if ....

... we learn everything we are supposed to from that failure.

The moment the lesson is learned -and never repeated - that "failure" flips into the *success* column!

To become more successful?

Be brave - put yourself out there - risk making more mistakes!

Mistakes are not made on purpose - but we need to understand their purpose in our lives to learn the lessons we must so we can grow and move beyond them.

Again, lessons are only known to be learned if the mistake is not repeated.

But if we hide who we are and never screw up because we're too afraid to make mistakes?

Is that is living a full, purposeful life with a strong identity?

Well, is it?

Um, we ask the questions, you decide. ;-)

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Speaking of success: I *love* my creative writing course and its down to earth, erudite leader, Steve Lorton.

This guy knew Truman Capote and continues to hob and knob with the world's great writers today. That actually wouldn't matter to me if he weren't such an insightful, knowledgeable, inspirational teacher.

But Steve knows where it's happening, how it happens and how to make it happen for us.

You know, I've often been told by people who work with me how much they look forward to our sessions. I've always appreciated hearing that, and believe it's very cool, but didn't actually understand how passionately one can love learning from a teacher until I started working with Steve.

I not only look forward to our weekly sessions, I prepare my homework diligently and professionally right after class so I can continue to perfect it during the week. I'm probably the most published, produced writer in the group so I feel I need to step up in a major way and never try to "get by."

Not that I could! The quality of writers in our group is so great I have to be ultra diligent just to keep up with their standards!

I even dress up a bit (I'm normally *way* casual), and always volunteer to be Steve's Little Helper when any of the s**t work needs to be done in the classroom! I know how great it feels as a leader when people step up to assist with set up, tear down, etc.

I've always believed that the better the teacher is as a student, the better the teacher is at his/her job.

I hope so for the sake of all my coachees!

:=)

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I had a blast learning to edit using Final Cut Pro software over the weekend. Our instructor, Matt, is an accomplished editor and had *infinite* patience with me and the others in the two-day seminar.

Now it's up to me to keep practicing - I've decided on a project I'm shooting on dv (Digital Video) to put my skills to the test!

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"Wassup" is now read by tens of thousands of people in 56 nations! Wilkommen!

Friends are everywhere

I received the most marvelous email from my best friend and writing partner John - who lives in Manchester, England (I'm in Seattle, Washington USA).

He said the woman who cut my hair while I was visited earlier this year for about three weeks asked after me - as did others I met when I was there. That is so sweet - I'm remembered!

I love interacting with people just about everywhere I go - and over time, these people become if not outright friends, "near-friends."

That is, we know about what we're up to, family or pet problems; family or pet triumphs, work problems and triumphs, trips, classes, future plans, losses, challenges, whatever. I even end up socializing with some of these terrific people.

Recently, one of my coachees accompanied me on a long run of errands, and it felt like everywhere we went, I knew people well enough to collect hugs, receive and give personal and professional updates, tips on good stuff to do or buy and at least a short social chat or two.

Librarians, store clerks, restaurant workers, cosmetologists - they're all pretty terrific.

It's the journalist and the writer in me - I enjoy learning about people. What makes them tick. Their passions. Their fears, concerns and cares. If there's anything I can offer to help or support them in some way I'm happy to share, just as they are with me.

My coachee was amazed at the number of people with whom I had a personal relationship on our long errand run.

Really?

Doesn't everyone chat up folks along the path of their lives? :-)

Meanwhile, I seem to be reconnecting - quite by accident - with several people I consider friends or near-friends I haven't seen in *years* - most of whom told me they have been thinking about me, wanted to re-connect - and bingo! There I am. I guess there are no mistakes.

Interestingly, I also seem to be "running into" - again, quite by accident - several opportunities for my writing and filmmaking work; I haven't sought them out. I've decided not to question the magic in the air, but they've come as such a surprise, I almost feel a little guilty ...

What is your purpose?

Many people come to me asking for help finding their passion - which often turns out to be associated with their life's purpose.

I believe it makes an enormous difference in the quality of our lives if we understand our individual purpose - and it's my belief each of us has one.

However, it's up to us if we want and choose to find our purpose - or mission - in life and pursue it.

IMO, living one's true purpose means the difference of being genuinely happy, fulfilled and content or trying to figure out how to make yourself feel better living as you do, day after day.

It can be as simple as asking yourself what you *love* to do that benefits you and others?

What makes you happiest - what resonates in your stomach as that one thing that makes you feel you are not of this world, but on a higher plain?

What lifts you to that higher ground and puts you around the sort of people you love to be with (or if it's alone you prefer - what makes you feel sensational there)?

Who are the people who have the values you want to be around constantly and consistently?

What kind of people make you feel like you "belong?"

Where do you feel most appreciated?

*And* what is it you *most* enjoy doing for others? Caring for them? Just being there for them?

What changes do you have to make to fulfill your purpose and pursue it from this moment on?

As for my purpose, if you've been reading my blog, you have at least a sense of what I believe it is.

Almost all artists are driven with the belief that practicing their art - creating through their art - is a large part of their life's purpose. Many also consider their life's purpose a spiritual calling (religion aside), because it's something they can't not do, and because it benefits both themselves and others.

Bringing joy to the lives of others in some way, helping others, empowering them, serving them in some way, or even just being good to yourself and other people - all are perfectly honorable purposes.

Consider your purpose a gift - literally a blessing - to yourself and others. Focusing on others first, as well as yourself, is an ideal way to get started. What can you do for others that you haven't - and why not? Perhaps discovering this about yourself will make a difference in your outlook.

Whom would you like to assist or serve? How? What skills or compassion or mojo can you share with others that would help them and make you feel fulfilled?

With the promise of renewal for the coming year, this is the perfect time to undertake your search!

Blogger Steve Pavlina has a simple method to help you find your purpose - which he says takes about 20 (or so) minutes, which does not involve religion. It's here.

Rick Warren's book, The Purpose-Driven Life has a strong religious component - its primary premise is that we are here to serve God.

Good luck to you if you are seeking your purpose - it's an exploration you will never, never regret.

Age

OK, it's only a number, and I definitely feel many years younger than my chronological age - but I am surrounded by aging pets and parents who need special help.

Caring for them means dealing with my own mortality, so I'm inspired to take even better care of myself to maintain my high energy level and improving physical shape.

I have to give my nearly 19 year old cat Cagney liquid antibiotics for her kidney infection twice a day and her arthritis medication once a day. Despite this, she remains active and snuggly.

My 11 year old Pomeranian Oscar needs medication twice a day as well - two types of pills - for a congenital heart condition and arthritis. He had a rough start in life. I didn't get him until he was 8 months old with serious behavior and medical problems, but two years of day to day socializing and care paid off - he's a terrific little soul to have around.

My aging parents have had their share of medical challenges recently, though I'm happy to report they are making a clever comeback now they've identified what medication they need and what they must do to improve.

There haven't been many good American films that deal with the issue of aging or mortality, and I'd suggest with the millions of baby boomers flooding the market -- now would be the time to make one that could be commercially successful.

I think part of the reason we're not eager to tackle the issue is because there is a question about what age and aging mean in 2006. In Western culture, there is generally a bias against people who age; Eastern cultures revere maturity because older people are thought to hold the key to wisdom.

Here, some individuals get older and look like they are aging. Others? We can't really tell.

Model Lauren Hutton says today's 60 is yesterday's 40. With everything from physical fitness to yoga to plastic surgery, looking older can actually be controlled by those who can afford it.

Age can be a huge issue for camera actors.

A couple years ago, we cast a really good Seattle actor for the role of a 27 year old in an indie SAG feature film. He did a great job, was perfect in the part.

Thanks to no mention of his age on his resume, we could only assume it. As it turns out, he was actually 43 years young. If we had any idea how old he really was? Chances are we would have - incorrectly - "believed" he was too old for the role - which would have been our loss!

American film roles (with a few exceptions) tend to disappear as women camera actors age, while many roles continue to be offered men as they grow older.

Hopefully that will soon be remedied with better scripts and wiser, older baby boomer decision-makers and film backers.

There's another issue: actors who become well known either as kids or sexy young adults most frequently find a job barrier when they move into the next age range. Which is why so many actors (especially character actors) who become well known as mature adults ("30-ish") - or who *look* older - can look forward to a long career because most people can maintain that look for decades.

Angela Lansbury played much older roles than her chronological age for years because she enjoyed a more mature look. In one film, she played the mother of an actor who was actually *older* than she was!

One thing about being a writer and director - we can do that work until we keel over after our last breath (I've always maintained I want my last words to be ... "Cut! That's a wrap!").

Acting coaches can work until we're literally on life support.

There's a video of the noted acting teacher Stella Adler conducting a class when she was quite aged. Through most of the class she simply sat, instructing actors with the help of an assistant as she pointed her cane, which she needed to help her walk, for emphasis here and there.

I believe it's all worth a good think - this aging business. I've often wondered if people are not as fearful of death as they are of aging.

One thing we do know for sure about life: we'll never get out of it alive.

So I guess what would matter most is how we use the life we have at any age.

Guilt

Do you ever feel guilty?

Ordinarily I don't do things that give me reason to feel guilt, but when I do, it feels just plain icky.

No matter how well-intended my motivation - to take care of myself, protect myself, stop a hurtful situation - it still feels bad.

So when I do something that ignites that gut-wrenching "I did something wrong" sensation, I try to tend to it right away, attempting to make up for whatever I did to make me experience the "ick."

Take responsibility, face the music, deal with it.

The "remedies" are several: one is to 'fess up immediately and sincerely apologize, since I am genuinely remorseful - as well as offer to do something to atone or make amends for whatever I said or did.

Open and clean communication makes clearing the air and seeking/bestowing forgiveness happen soundly and quickly. Relationship repairs can be made; the bond strengthened as long as each person keeps his or her word afterward so trust can be built.

If neither an apology nor an offer of atonement is accepted, a significant problem - or communication failure - already existed in the relationship preceeding the blunder.

Unfortunately, if that's the case, it's left to both individuals to find ways to forgive themselves on their own, which can be a difficult and lengthy process.

Who wants to live like that?

Not me.

Interestingly, in genuinely great relationships, individuals can err and be forgiven because they live in a state of "good faith."

That is, they make every effort to cultivate trust between each other, so that when something does go awry, those involved consider each other well-intended.

For that reason, the situation is approached with empathy and compassion, no matter how awful the misstatement or misstep between the two appears to be.

The duo reveals how they're feeling - and they figure out how either or both got on the wrong track, all the while looking for a positive or protective motivation for what appears to be negative behavior.

They review the reasons, decisions and behaviors that established the relationship in such a positive way at the getgo, then renegotiate whatever might improve their connection.

The overriding belief is that both are worthy of forgiveness and a healthy relationship, and look for the hurt or fear causing the flare up so it can be healed and they can move on to higher ground.

I absolutely love the concept of living in good faith, and I am now making it a reality my life, asking that it be agreed to for every working and personal relationship in which I participate.

Every day starts with the declaration, spoken or unspoken, "Today I wish and choose to live in good faith with you."

If a problem arises? The question to ask is, "What hurts?"

And we can figure it out - constructively - together.

The point is to build communication, trust and an atmosphere of safety so that when we need to bring up difficult issues, or to talk things through, neither person is afraid to say how they feel so nothing stays bottled up. It's all out in the open to be dealt with compassionately and honestly.

Most important: both people must have this same philosophy - or want to - for it to work most effectively.

How does that sound?

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This coming weekend I'm spending two full days learning how to use Final Cut Pro - a digital editing program at the local 911 Media Arts Center.

I know a lot about editing and have edited lots of film - but even when I shoot film now it's transferred to a digital format, and I don't know how to run digital editing programs. So I've had to work with digitally trained editors.

At this point, I decided I want and need to know how to use the upscale Final Cut Pro software to assemble my less formal projects, since there is no substitute for a great professional editor to handle my major works.

It may not be your definition of a typical weekend's enjoyment, but for me it will be fun, rewarding and challenging; plus I'll be able to help my actors create professional demo reels.

Fortunately, I own a MAC G4 on which I can use the editing program exclusively since I use my PC for writing and other functions.

I feel like I'm opening the door to a whole new creative world for myself - I can hardly wait!

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It seems that every day new readers from additional nations are tuning into my website - usually my blog - some of which are apparently being sent around the world. As of yesterday, it's being read by tens of thousands of people from 49 countries, up from 44 just a few days ago, according to the folks who keep track of my hits. Thank you!

Bienvenue, mes amis!

Reincarnation

I'd just as soon not be reincarnated.

As a person, bug, bird - even a pampered pooch or cuddled kitty.

When my time is up, I want to have learned everything I need in this go 'round, so I can just recline on a puffy Tempur-Pedic cloud, drink chocolate milkshakes without gaining weight, and hold the Universal Remote Control.

I'll click on whatever I want to see - like what's happening on Mars. Or Venus. Another galaxy. Brazil at Carnivale!

I could sing and dance with the angels.

Welcome all the loving pets as they bounce across the Rainbow Bridge with treats and extra special snuggles.

Enjoy a sumptuous dinner and extended conversation with Eleanor Roosevelt, Mahatma Ghandi, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Sojourner Truth, Walt Whitman, Susan B. Anthony, Henry David Thoreau, Martin Luther King Jr., Lao Tzu, Stella Adler and Abraham Lincoln- with music provided by Johann Strauss Jr. and Louis Armstrong.

OK, back to work on terra firma. Still so much to learn!

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Meanwhile, I'm singing "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year" and "You Raise Me Up" next month at the annual Christmas concert at which I performed last year with my singing coach Nedra Gaskill and several other vocalists.

It takes place the day after the actors' reading of my comedy feature script Nothing But The Truth, so there won't be much time to rehearse!

Guys

American men get a lot of bad PR.

Newspapers, books, music, films- OK, I guess where there's that much smoke there has to be some fires.

But for some reason my best friends are guys. Good guys. Straight men.

They are fantastic people - honest, compassionate, empathetic, forgiving, authentic, open, trustworthy, tender, smart, strong, reliable, consistent, conscientious, communicative, passionate, socially concerned, insightful and even sensitive. Yes, sensitive. Yes, straight.

Most are writers in addition to practicing other professions (some have very macho jobs), so that may influence who they are; how they think and behave.

They're all good family men as well; most have children.

I receive extraordinary counsel from them, and I have to say in a world where women so often speak about men who are unreliable, they've never let me down. Friendship is as important to them as to me and we've never let anything get in the way of that friendship.

They take time; they show their concerns and emotions, as I do.

We also surprise each other - and let each other know constantly that we are a priority, even living half a world apart.

Each is such an individual - with lots of character. In the "what a character" sense as well as having a lot of character - as in having strong values. And each is what I would consider a genuinely successful person, regardless of their social or financial "status."

Our relationships are strong and they are platonic - stuffing another myth that men will never seek a friendship with a woman unless sex is involved.

I have a feeling these men are not isolated cases; we just don't hear about them very often.

In a world that seems to diss guys daily - and many for good reason, face it - I say let's take a day to appreciate the truly great men in our lives!

Let's hear it for the boys! :-))

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Meanwhile, the folks who record the hits my website receives report that my blog is read by literally thousands of people in 47 countries! Now that's exciting! Thank you!

Welcome to everyone living in each of them - including all UK nations, Germany, Singapore, Switzerland, Peru, Finland, Norway, Poland, Belgium, Brazil, Argentina and Romania!

Hollah!!

My favorite poet, my favorite poem

A Visit to the Asylum

by Edna St. Vincent Millay


Once from a big, big building,
When I was small, small,
The queer folk in the windows
Would smile at me and call.

And in the hard wee gardens
Such pleasant men would hoe:
"Sir, may we touch the little girl's hair!"--
It was so red, you know.

They cut me colored asters
With shears so sharp and neat,
They brought me grapes and plums and pears
And pretty cakes to eat.

And out of all the windows,
No matter where we went,
The merriest eyes would follow me
And make me compliment.

There were a thousand windows,
All latticed up and down.
And up to all the windows,
When we went back to town,

The queer folk put their faces,
As gentle as could be;
"Come again, little girl!" they called,
and I called back, "You come see me!"

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Here's a fascinating New York Times review of Steve Soderbergh's new film, THE GOOD GERMAN, starring his business partner George Clooney and Cate Blanchett that is well worth the read for any filmmaker, actor and crew member.

We train people how to treat us

This is so incredibly true.

When a relationship goes awry, I have to remember this.

And of course the door swings both ways. The other person has "trained" - or attempted to train - me to treat them in a certain way, just as I have "trained" - or attempted to train - the other person.

I have to ask myself how I trained someone to treat me in such an objectionable way (disrespectful, uncaring, uncommunicative).

If one side doesn't listen, isn't clear about what they need, want or expect, doesn't respond to requests, isn't willing to communicate or negotiate?

Obviously, it's not working; it takes two people to have a relationship.

I guess the big issue is to make sure we listen, no matter what the other person does, so we can feel clean about our part in the relationship.

Not just listen to what is being asked of us, but be aware when the other person does not respond to us so we can remove ourselves from the situation to prevent further, needless hurt.

Chances are if they don't listen or respond early in the relationship, it won't get any better - in fact, it will most probably just get worse. Perhaps they may not know how to respond - or they may have decided the relationship is not important enough for them to make any effort to communicate or negotiate.

Ouch!

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference; it's neglect.

What becomes clear is the title of the popular book, "He's Just Not That Into You."

It may hurt a lot in the short run, but in the long run we will feel so much better so much sooner if we face that as early as possible so we can extract ourselves from a hurtful situation..

After all, if he's just not that into you - he's just not.

Relationships cannot work in a vacuum - the only person who can make sure we are treated the way we want, need and deserve is us.

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Speaking of real life and training - I start an all-out fitness regimen with someone this morning at 7am!

We'll be working out four days a week; I'll also be doing long, hill-filled walks carrying weights several days a week.

I need to get in top shape for my surgery January 4!

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HEADS UP! HEADS UP!

30 ROCK, the sitcom starring Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan is switching from Wednesday to Thursday night, 9:30pm/8:30 central on NBC. The show is getting pretty hilarious!

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My deepest condolences go to the family of Katie Dolan, a Seattle woman who was a national pioneer for the rights of the disabled. Katie was responsible for getting the first law in the US passed that included disabled kids in our school systems in Washington State.

It wasn't long before her work gained national significance and clout, helping literally hundreds of thousands of families throughout the US and later internationally.

Katie's family, friends and colleagues have every reason to be proud to have known and worked with her over the years. She was also a pioneer television personality in the Northwest.

Rest in peace, Katie. You done good.

It really IS the most wonderful time of the year!

Wow!

I was afraid I wouldn't catch The Season sizzle this year, but by golly, it smacked me this morning in the most sensational way.

I awoke to beauty that is the cacophony of brilliant fall leaves in the trees and on the ground surrounding my house; infused with gratitude for all the opportunities and people in my life, the promise of 2007 and for the oncoming days of that je ne sais quoi sparkling effervescence we enjoy this time of year.

I think perhaps knowing our troops should soon have some idea when they're coming home from Iraq (thanks to last week's US election results) plays a part in my happiness. Or knowing that my mother is getting much better after suffering some serious health setbacks recently. Or letting go of everything that hasn't worked in the past and welcoming everything that does-

Wha-evah!

I'm looking forward to getting and decorating a big tree and the house with friends, setting up the menorah, sharing quality time with my coachees, friends new and established, family and greeting Kelli's new baby Brock next month - who is the subject of a children's book I just wrote!

The music of the season fills my house pretty much year 'round, but now I can actually play it when other people are here so they don't think I'm one of "those" people -- you know, the sort who would also leave their outdoor Christmas lights up all year!

I don't do that! No .. well, not any more, anyway. My friend Will won't let me, but I know he'll be putting those lights up outside for me so I don't have to! ;-)

To quote Charlie Brown or Linus or Lucy or Peppermint Patty or Snoopy or one of the Peanuts gang: it's time to rejoice!

Nothing But The Truth

The heat is on!

I arranged for an actors' reading of my comedy feature script Nothing But The Truth next month, which will put pressure on me to finish it as sharply and quickly as I can in one month. It's completely outlined and half written out at this point.

I'm inviting a couple of very special people to critique the script with me at the performance; these folks are very smart, knowledgeable and insightful, so they should provide some excellent feedback for me, along with the actors.

My goal is to finish the rewrite by January 1. It's actually pretty commercial -- most of my scripts, like The Director, Freedom and A Novel Life, lean more toward the independent side.

Meanwhile, I'm developing investor contacts who might help me get my script produced. Having an excellent, completed script soon should advance the production cause!

We find out if Mortal Wound is accepted for a major film festival the first week in December.

Wish me luck!

It's a rap! ... sort of ...

OK, someone I coach in New York City works for an international (and I mean big) rap star .. so I guess I have a lot of nerve even trying this, but I did.

One of the assignments for Steve Lorton's creative writing group this week is to create a piece of work based on a "throw away" line.

The line given me is "once upon a time."

I'm known for challenging myself to the limit for these assignments on my own, but one of our members (Smarty "Terri" Pants) laughed and said, "Do a rap!"

As if it would be really really really hard for me to do!

I smirked and rolled my eyes, giving the class the notion that I discounted her idea.

Truth is, I couldn't sleep until I did just that.

Wrote at least a facsimile of a "rap."

I did it for one of my coachees, Tanya Woo, who is "of the age," and she gave the dress rehearsal of the C to the P (aka "Two Cents") a passing rap grade - Whew! I was ready!

So before the class, I got two other students (including Ms. Pants) to be my back up dancers, gave them caps and sunglasses, rehearsed with them briefly and then actually performed the "rap" for the class.

It is with extraordinary humility (never let it be said I don't pass up *every* opportunity to humiliate myself completely in public for my "art..") that I share it with you now.

(Ms. Thang VJ, please don't disown me!! :-))
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Yo!

The story starts
By them old farts
To keep our "rapped" ATTEN-SHUN

They never do
Use nothin' new
To make a good IMPRESS-SHUN

Always the same
It is so lame
You'd think they'd use a FRESH-'UN

We got to switch
It makes me twitch
To hear it yet AGAIN-SOME

So here's the crime
It's not sublime
But stupid, dull AND DUMB

You got a brain
Get off the train
Of fairy tales and WHOLESOME

Once upon a time
Is past its prime
You need some balls so GROW SOME!

clapclapclapclapclapclapclap <---- imagined audience response.

crickets chirp .... and chirp <---- real audience response

;-)

The pain/life pecking order..

Is your pain "worse" than someone else's?

Is your life "more important" than someone else's.

I've discovered a couple of fascinating phenomena in our culture: a Pain Pecking Order and a Mine's A More Important Life-o-meter.

Here's how it works: people enduring certain types of physical or emotional pain see themselves as having "real," or "worse" pain than others - and then go on to discount the pain experienced by others.

So for example, if someone's house burns down, that person might see himself as experiencing a "7" on the Pain Pecking Order, while seeing someone else who loses a pet or breaks up with a longtime love coming in only at a "3." Or maybe a "4" if they had the pet for longer than five years.

Say what?

Dismissing the other person's pain as "less than" theirs shows a shocking lack of understanding, empathy or compassion. It's as if they have created a pain caste system.

Some believe they have a higher class of pain. Seriously.

Do we believe folks who suffered in Katrina have it worse than people who suffered in identical natural disasters in Mexico or Pakistan?

If we see ourselves as "better than" "greater than" others, perhaps it would stand to reason we'd experience our pain as somehow worse and more worthy of empathy, compassion and perhaps even sympathy, at the expense of others.

It reminds me of when I was in the midst of undergoing excruciating chemotherapy for a number of months. I felt as if literally every cell in my body was filled with screaming, piercing torture, but I continued to overcome it with work that I love and actually experienced being happy because the rest of my life was so blessed.

Well, my best friend John wrote a long, heart-rending story about how he had been cheated out of a competition win that everyone who witnessed the event agreed that he had won fair and square.

Only the judge, who was .. um, how do you say in English .. "close" to the winner, picked that person instead. The audience clearly saw what happened - something unfair. John was nothing less than devastated. He worked so hard; his heart was broken over this injustice.

My heart went out to him and I wrote him a rapid message of condolence, support and compassion. I told him I didn't have time to write as much as I wanted to because I was off to my chemo session but would resume my thoughts when I returned.

When I got back, pretty wiped out, I read his response to mine. He wrote how sorry he was that he had even bothered me with his problems because of what I was going through. That his pain was essentially so miniscule compared to what I was experiencing that he felt rather sheepish complaining to me!

Say, WHAT?

I told him: John, there is no such thing as comparitive pain. Pain is pain. It doesn't matter if you've been cheated out of an honor by some duplicitous judge, left at the alter by some dog or dogette, dumped by the love of your life, suffered through the loss of your pet snake, evicted from your home, stopped drinking if you're an alcoholic or going through chemotherapy.

Pain is pain and I need you to keep telling me when you are hurting - as I shall. That is what friendship is all about. I want to be there for you as I always have - and respond in the most supportive way I can, no matter what I'm enduring.

Your pain is no less excruciating than mine when you are in the midst of experiencing it.

Even the time it takes to recover might be the same. If its owner is madly in love with his pet snake, "Stretch," and the python dies, he may not find any relief from his grief for years - the same amount of time it takes to recover from chemo.

Pain is pain.

What does hurt more is to have your particular pain discounted; being told that your pain can't be "that bad" in comparison to someone else's.

Women who have miscarried, people who have lost a favorite job or experienced the death of a dream -- folks in these situations are often told to "get over it" after a short period of time, while the pain continues to haunt them.

Likewise, when someone acts as if their life, their experiences are more important than yours, that someone is unintentionally creating more pain in those whose lives he's discounting.

Those other people are made to feel as if their lives don't matter "as much," that they are not a priority, and generally this is preceded with a type of neglect because the other person - and their life - is not considered "as important."

As I say, fascinating - and this theme would make a great script. A comedy.

Say, come to think of it, this is the premise of the hysterical British situation comedy Absolutely Fabulous, written by and starring Jennifer Saunders!

Meanwhile, if you are hurting right now; experiencing any pain, on any level, for *any* reason - even if others don't understand how badly you feel?

Group hug.

Seriously.

C'mon.

Join the circle. Move in tight. There ya go. We can all virtually be here for each other!

:-)

I *love* my work!

What a breakthrough week for the folks I'm coaching - it's awesome to witness their changes and achievements. We've ended our sessions dancing, slapping high fives, hugging and cheering!

Normally, we just say good-bye or hug.

New personal insights have been discovered; solid career plans formed, cold reads are natural and *nailed* after a lot of dedicated work, camera presence became magnetic, singing harmony became .. at least a little .. more free, and new camera acting techniques were perfected that will be used the rest of their performing lives.

One of my model/actresses got her first paid modeling job - in an upscale lifestyle photographic layout - for which she was well compensated.

Yay! I always tell my coachees I want them working soon and often for real cash .. so they can pay their coach! ;-)

Most agencies like to separate modeling from acting talent, since they're generally seen as two separate crafts - so my now professional model (already pro actress) with her first pro modeling resume item shall remain nameless.

Another coachee is putting an audition tape together to submit for a "skilled challenge" reality show. I think he's got a shot! His wife is behind him 100% - and helping.

He says he wants to be on the challenge program to show his kids and his wife he has a championship mentality not just in his chosen sport, but as a person, dad and husband as well.

I can assure you he has it for his studies here. If he's selected, I'll post his photo and info for you to read so you can follow him on the program!

Good luck, mystery auditioner!

Unfortunately, my webmaster friend John has been on a horrific moving into his new house "vacation" so new stuff has not been posted on the website that requires his skill, such as photos, news on the home page, etc., and won't be for a couple more weeks.

Fear not, Gentle Reader, there will continue to be blogs aplenty nonetheless!

Thanks for reading my blog - website hits are pouring in despite the lack of pictures, artwork and home page updates!

But I'm on *fire* these days - inspired to write my heart out on several projects simultaneously that seem to be turning out decently. Thank you, My Dear Muses!

Matters of life and death

Vie et mort.

As a writer (and person!) I think about this endlessly on several levels because we make decisions based on this fundamental life or death core of our being every moment without having the awareness that we do.

When I help actors find the innermost element of the characters they portray .. we seek whatever makes that character feel like they are experiencing a "life or death" moment.

For example, if you are a punctual person and you find yourself running late, the sensations you experience in your stomach, lungs and heart don't feel like it's a matter of being on time or late - nope, it feels like a matter of life or death!

Now, in reality it is not normally a matter of physical life and death (except in the most extreme cases), but it certainly *feels* like it is.

Some people feel like it's a matter of life and death when they make a mistake - even a minor error; some when they are "exposed" to be doing - or not doing - whatever might be embarrassing or humiliating specifically to them.

One person's embarrassment or humiliation is another person's joke. For example, to Ted, dropping ice cream on his boss's shoe is mortifying (mort=death "creating"), to Wendy, it's a source of laughter (laugh=life "enhancing").

Life or death.

That's the key to our character.

Who we are at our core.

Whatever triggers your life or death moment depends on: who you are (personality), childhood experiences, life or relationship experiences, spirituality, counseling and of course how you relate to whatever or whomever might set off the trigger.

For example, the person with post traumatic stress disorder will experience a different trigger at a different level than someone who has not been exposed to serious trauma.

"Life and death" episodes run deep - there is a keen sensation of fright and the need to protect ourselves.

More, the way each of us responds to them is different. Some can be extreme, others more mellow.

Whatever it is - the more we are in touch with that life and death emotional axis in ourselves and the character, the more we know ourselves, the more we know the character.

The more we know our own life/death apex, the more we can control our responses; the more we know this in the character, the freer we are as actors to respond as drastically or as minimally as the situation compells her to!

Ode to France's new smoking ban

Le puff

Le snuff

Enough!

C'est tough...

The retreating artist

Among the activities intended to enhance the re-creation of energy, inspiration and enthusiasm for this artist's imagination: painting, drawing, reading, writing, music, great films, waterfront walks, laughing and dancing -

Perhaps the most important part of my artist's retreat?

Silence in solitude.

Hour after hour of pure, unadulterated silence in the company of jittering flimsy flames from candles that surround me - interrupted only by the resonance of an inconsequential tide's wave, quietly lapping the beach's hemline.

Mourning

American icon Bill Cosby appeared to resume life *almost* as usual just two weeks after the horrendous robbery and murder of his 27 year-old son Ennis in January, 1997, on a California roadway as he was changing a tire.

People wondered how the world renown comedian - who had been devastated by the shocking, immediate loss of his son (and close friend) - could possibly be in any emotional shape to work again so soon. Could he possibly be that much of a trooper - or perhaps that cold?

He said the reason he found peace so quickly is because he had no regrets.

No regrets?

No regrets. He said the day to day decisions he made regarding the relationship with his son all the boy's life - taking time to be and speak with him, treating him with respect and admiration, giving him the support and guidance he needed, loving him, communicating with him, letting him know he mattered and was a priority in his life - all these things made theirs the exceptional relationship that it was.

It left him feeling that he had done everything possible to make his son's life a good one. To let him know his father was there with him every step of the way.

He said perhaps if he had regrets - if he felt guilty because he had not tended to Ennis and their relationship day by day - that he would feel horrible about what he didn't do, what he "should have" said or done and grieve the unfinished business he no longer had the opportunity to complete.

But he was there. He did everything he could, day after day, to make a difference in his son's life. And believed he had done his very best - that he could do no more. And because of that, he found peace; though he would physically miss his son daily, he has a sense of carrying his spirit moment by moment.

I like that. Be aware. No regrets means no guilt. No guilt means feeling at peace with who we are and what we've done in any relationship.

Hello, Friend.

Belonging

It feels terrific to find a place I completely belong, hanging around people I love to be with.

:-)

Meanwhile, I'm off for an artist's weekend by the water!

Writing and reading poetry, music, writing, walking, drawing, painting, singing, observing, thinking, contemplating, being silly, laughing, finding inspiration!

Should we slooooow dooown?

Last night I went to the presentation of my near-friend (we don't actually hang out a lot but always hug and have warm friendly vibes when we see each other!) Cecile Andrews, a Seattle author, newspaper columnist and national expert on living simply.

I met her through her husband, Paul, a columnist for The Seattle Times, when I worked there. They co-founded the Phinney Ecovillage, a place devoted to creating neighborhood sustainability and community.

Her new book, "Slow is Beautiful: New Visions of Community, Leisure and Joie de Vivre," was the fascinating topic of the evening.

Basically, she says that all our rushing around is killing our relationships and quality of life. In order to have great relationships, we need to slow down and spend more time with one another; we need to cut back on the hours we work and create more time for "leisure," that is, gaining and maintaining close personal relationships.

After all, despite the belief that money, gadgets and lots of activity makes us happy, the fact is (according to studies) what really makes us happy is great personal relationships. And in order to have them we need to devote time to them.

Other nations make certain they have more time for hanging out - 5 weeks of annual vacation is the norm. In Germany, they recently increased Volkswagon's factory full time hours to *25* a week.

In a country where family values continue to be stressed, many US companies continue the trend to have their employees work more hours for less money; with layoffs always on their mind, workers are more apt to accept these conditions.

Cecile suggests we start focusing on the quality of our lives and relationships in order to enjoy fulfilling lives that bring us genuine happiness, and has a number of suggestions for us to give it a try.

Perhaps the most important change that has to be made - if it can be - is our attitude.

In many countries, getting a morning latte means sitting down and sharing time with a family member, coworker or friend. In the US, many people think it's fine to get a latte to go and drink it all alone as they drive. If you're thinking, "So?" Um, yeah. Changing the attitude might be a big job!

But she brought up some great questions: how do you spend your "leisure" time? Do you have a place you can go to feel comfortable in the company of others - to hang out and share an interest or just have a great conversation?

Or is the choice of leisure time the TV, computer, Ipod, or other electronic entertainment devices?

Interestingly, while computers and other electronic gadgets (cell phone, Blackberry, etc.) are supposed to make us more productive, apparently they actually decrease productivity.

My question to Cecile that will take some thinking to figure out: With a cultural attitude of "feed me" - people wanting to be constantly fed entertainment, information, games and other busy stuff - how can they understand how to create, to be "productive."

For example, if my attitude is that I need to have something or someone else feed me entertainment all the time, I don't develop the skills it takes to create - to produce.

We're raising a population of people who want to consume - to take, but what is most personally and professionally rewarding is the ability to create - to give.

Earlier, between coaching sessions, I started doing energy work with a terrific French woman named Victoria. She is part of an advanced program studying physical and emotional energy. It's a combination of physical/massage and emotional work designed to help maintain a complete balance of the two. I'm really looking forward to our weekly sessions!

I also did some work on my book - you know, speaking of leisure, it sounds like I'm busy all the time, but in fact I had time to walk, hang out and do other enjoyable things today at a leisurely pace, in a leisurely way.

Since change is the name of the game these days - I'm going to start focusing my leisure time more on quality social events, which should be most enjoyable, instead of considering writing my main leisure activity!

Meanwhile, sadly, I must report: R.I.P FYP.

Looking back, looking forward (long)

At the end of this month, I'll be changing my coaching practice.

I won't be accepting people who contact me from the general public to coach because I'll devote more time to writing (including a book I'm in the midst of completing now) and directing.

I'll continue to work with people I've coached over the years, those recommended by my actors and writers - as well as directors and producers who need their casts or individual performers to have special CP coaching sessions for a specific project in LA, NYC or Seattle.

Looking around my newly streamlined studio, I see the literally hundreds of people who have passed through here - so many doing so very well now .. doing what they love, changing their lives to incorporate their passions, perfecting their craft, finding their own way whether or not acting is their greatest calling.

So many actors have prepared here for auditions and performing in everything from feature films to shorts to commercials to industrials to political campaigns (top secret --including a popular U.S. Senator!) to theatrical performances (even *more* top secret!) to cabaret shows and many more.

Not everyone has been a fan - I'll never forget one angry guy who wanted me to take IOU's for sessions instead of cash. He actually demanded, "Do you mean to tell me you *won't* coach me unless I pay you?!"

Um, well, no ...

Worse, I had to let him go because he didn't do his homework.

He took great pleasure spreading vile and vitriol about me to anyone who would listen. He was even more upset when I told him to take my name off his resume since we had not actually worked together. More vile. More vitriol.

Sadly, he was such an urban legend here for being a problem person that people contacted me to congratulate me for being the first to stand up to him and set him straight.

I've also turned down people who aren't ready for the discipline and pressure of working one on one with a coach - and I won't coach kids who have "stage parents." Those parents can be quite caustic.

The kids I have coached are talented, natural born performers and the *best!* As are their families. I've bonded with many parents of those young actors over the years - two of whom were crucial in helping me through the months of chemo therapy I endured when I kicked breast cancer to the curb.

I have always believed kids should never work unless they absolutely want to and love it. Stephen Lennstrom was the young "Grey Poupon" kid in a limousine for several years on the mustard's TV commercial, as well as having lead roles in some three features. With my blessing, at 14, he decided he wanted to just be a kid and has pursued a rich, rewarding life as a happy teenager! He totally rocks!

I've always told everyone that if they decide they want to do something else - or even study with someone else - it's their life and I support whatever decision they make to better their lives and their craft.

Two talented actors realized that being a lawyer was their true calling, knowing that everything they learned about writing, speaking and performing would help their careers - both are doing spectacularly today!

Not everyone agrees with my philosophy that you need to get your head on straight if you want to succeed in show biz. I've seen too many people kill promising careers when they sabotaged themselves after they started to enjoy some modest success.

All the great camera acting techniques in the world won't help people who get in their own way on their way to an otherwise potential lifelong, rewarding career. It happens so often it's nearly a cliche.

If you're an artist of any kind, I hope you do learn to take the best care of yourself and love yourself unconditionally, because you'll run into a lot of brick walls that you'll need to discover how to go around, under or over. If you don't, you may find out the hard way you *don't* have to crash your way through them, hurting yourself or worse.

For the very most part? I'll remember the pee-your-pants, fall on the ground laughter that has filled and shaken these walls literally every day. Because I have a reputation of being pretty strict, this was understood to be "our secret." ;-)

A highly esteemed Academy Award-winning director interviewed one of my actresses - who attributes her success to me - recently for a role in one of his future films. The director challenged her, asking what she believes is the most important thing I have taught her. She responded, "How to laugh at myself."

He was greatly impressed. Me, too!

I'll never forget how exhausted everyone was from sitcom workshops. Or how confident they became during audition seminars and role playing.

And everyone individually doing against-type monologues nearly one syllable at a time to nail the character and subtext "naturally."

Or how thrilled they were to see themselves in the short films we shot on "Resume Saturdays," when actors who already work with me would each be cast in a short film I wrote, directed and photographed.

Green screen and other techniques were also practiced on Resume Saturdays - they did things here they could legitimately put on their resumes.

Then there's the memorable first time they saw themselves in a professional, paid job! A film, TV program, commercial or other performance on screen. There's nothing like it. For me, too!

It's so rewarding to hear from people who have studied with me as they describe how it feels to work with such artists as Sir Anthony Hopkins.

And there were the concealed coaching sessions for speech givers, lawyers and stage performances (I mean I *am* supposed to be a camera coach!).

I'll never forget helping one of my 15 year old actors prepare for his first theater performance.

For some reason, after learning how to act for the camera - after they have their camera skills down cold - many of my folks audition for significant roles in theater productions. And are cast - normally in lead, co-lead or lead support roles, which leaves us quite gobsmacked and stressed out because they have to learn how to perform brilliantly for another medium in record time!

I mean, they have never set foot on a stage before, but would have to come up with a stunning performance as a lead character!

So we cleared a large area, wrote the stage area names on the floor and worked it all out from there, using the camera to critique the performance.

Although my 15 year old talented actor took a lot of grief from the director who had been flown out from New York City to helm the well-known play, the day after opening night, a newspaper critic referred to my actor as "the only reason to see the play." You go, guy!

I remember when, after dashing back and forth between working with him in our stage area, shooting his work with my VHS camera, I set the camera precariously on the tripod without locking it in.

We heard an odd "click," only to turn around and see the large camera fall to the floor - hard - breaking into dozens of pieces. We spent the rest of the evening figuring out how to put the camera together. We did - and it worked just fine!

Accompanying people to their shoots is always the greatest fun for me.

I had a blast with an actress/singer/dancer whose normal workplace was in Broadway musicals in New York City. She studied with me intensively for 5 weeks to begin her transition to camera work while she visited her family who lives here.

Most of my actors have been very kind and generous with me - helping me with personal and professional projects, sharing their good fortune and inviting me to special occassions with them. I never expect these things, but they are always incredibly appreciated.

I recall one actor - successful in the theater, not at all for camera work. He came to me as if he had reached an alcoholic's "bottom," despondent he felt he *finally* had to come to me for help. I assured him his "shameful secret" was safe with me.

Within 6-9 months of his work with the camera here, he was cast as the sole character in a great short film - a real tour de force - and has been working in both arenas since. He was marvelous! But worried about my eating habits over the months of our intense work, he would actually make and bring me a hot dinner to be sure I was eating healthy meals! Bless his heart!

There was also the actress who had to hide evidence of her husband's physical and emotional abuse here (she taped him, and had files of information about his abuses). We were both very concerned about what he would do if he discovered she had the indicting information, but she finally, successfully divorced him (he wanted to "own" her).

There are dozens of such stories - I'd write a book, but I don't have permission from all my actors to tell them - some quite dramatic, some hilarious.

All of which I'll revere and carry with me as I move into a new chapter of my creative career. I will always coach - it keeps me sharp as a writer and director because each person presents such interesting, unique and challenging ways for me to figure out how solve a million new problems.

And to help him or her achieve the dreams they come with in the best, most efficient way possible.

Some have actually been willing lab rats in my experimentation to finding better, faster and easier techniques to help them give their best performances.

It takes so much courage to walk through that door and face themselves, really - in the guise of a coach - day after day, week after week. There's no escape, as there is in a class where people can decide not to do their homework and hide behind the others who can step up to show their stuff.

It can be tough, but ultimately an amazing experience when the fit is right with a coach and coachee.

My simple coaching philosophy: The actor who communicates gets the job. And therefore, the career.