Soul killers

What is our soul?

Simply, who we are.

Our identity.

When children have that stolen from them - forcing them to be somene they are not, coercing them to have belief systems that are contrary to reality, bullying or browbeating them into being or doing what we want instead of allowing them to listen to their own hearts and souls, to develop as their authentic selves -- we literally commit murder.

Not in a way that is immediately apparent, but in a way that results in the death of a soul. The actions of people whose souls are destroyed as children become frighteningly transparent when they become adults.

Our soul is the epitome of who we really are - the being we live with - our feelings, our actions, our reactions - every nanosecond of the day.

If our souls - our identities - are imprisoned or pummeled or silenced into counterfeit personas during our formative years, the strength of our soul's spirit is so incredibly strong that it will move and grow and mutate anyway - only creating within us a state of fear, fury and bitterness, transforming from its original, pure and loving state into someone who can become demonic or monstrous, committing inhuman, inhumane or hideous acts.

I think this is why so many children raised by adults who infuse them with rigid, zealous, obsessed notions of behavior, extreme religion, political or bigoted viewpoints, accompanied with permission to behave ruthlessly toward any living creature can turn out to be those "quiet, unassuming" guys who end up being serial killers, child molesters and the like.

Or kids can be relegated to live in complete saddness and loss, wondering who they are, what their passion is, what they want to do, and how they can ever find real happiness.

Unless they find other ways to find the way back to their souls, their authentic identity, who they really are and take supreme comfort and joy in their delightful, real, spectacular selves - just being who they actually are - their experience can become more a case of surviving agony rather than appreciating every breath that is the gift of life.

Simply letting kids run free is just as dangerous. Children left to run wild have nothing to reflect who they are or how their actions are perceived truthfully as they try to grow and thrive with others. Left completely to their own devices, they can easily rely on sheer, simplistic, violent survival tactics.

When I coach kids who have gone awry, I try to help them see the reflection of who they are "in real life" by showing them how they behave on camera. And let them talk and talk and talk - without judgment.

When they see for themselves how badly or mean or offensive they come across as themselves, not just to others but to themselves? They tend to want to "self-regulate" - to find ways to adjust and change their negative behavior.

They go on to discover how much fun life can be when they are constructive and positive and authentically themselves; how great it feels to love and give - appreciating themselves and being appreciated by others just as they are.

When I hear from them as they become adults, they've decided to be better, contributing members of humanity! Their decision.

I've been told by a noted child psychiatrist that the road to becoming a healthy adult is to let kids talk about their feelings without judgment. If they have trouble talking, there are many ways to "prime the pump," because as many great parents know - once they start, it's impossible to turn them off!

I believe that's the reason so many adults are in therapy - they're talking about all the things they didn't have the opportunity to share when they were kids. Only now they have to talk about their feelings and experiences making their way through the maze of the baggage they carry with them from all the other years of living dysfunctionally.

For the kids who read this blog - find an understanding adult you trust to tell wassup with you, even if you think it's embarrassing. Seriously. You can tell us old farts. There's just about nothing we've not heard - or lived through ourselves. If you can't find a trusted adult in your family, you can talk with a counselor or call your local Crisis Clinic - it's listed in the blue pages of your telephone book or you can find them online.

You go, guys! Talk about what you feel and who you are - get it out! Recussitating your soul will change your life forever -in a good way.

I wish that discovery, that joy, for everyone.

Want to REALLY support our troops!?

If you are a wounded veteran returning from the Middle East, recovering in a VA hospital - you're supposed to bring your own "kit"- toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, deodorant, etc.
Because there is no budget for them, poor veteran patients or those incapable of buying a "kit" must rely on receiving DONATED BASIC HYGIENE ITEMS.

Basic hygiene items are not provided for vets by VA hospitals unless they are donated.

Thanks to Congress and President Bush (who *insists* he "supports the troops,") VA hospitals cannot afford to supply basic hygiene items like tooth brushes, shaving cream, toothpaste, and deodorant.

They refer to basic hygiene products euphamistically as "comfort items."

The people who put their lives on the line for us - you and me - every day; who come home without limbs and faces - who too often sacrifice their minds and families as well, are not even provided with basic health care items we take for granted by VA hospitals unless they are donated.

When donations run out?

Apparently that's just tough.

Being a veteran myself, I was treated at a VA hospital. Although I wasn't expected to stay overnight, I did. The following morning, I asked for a toothbrush, and they told me they were "out." That toothbrushes are donated; they didn't have any more.

Patients treated at civilian hospitals -- paying full price or indigent, even prisoners in jail are given a toothbrush and basic hygiene items as a matter of course. It not only contributes to the patient feeling better psychologically but helps prevent the spread of disease.

But veterans who serve their country?

I don't know about you, but I consider this an outrage. Our veterans have done enough for us. They deserve, at the very least, primary hygiene items without wondering if their VA hospital will "run out."

Let's start a national drive to provide these basic hygiene items for our vets.

They can't accept anything that is not direct from the vendor, or it needs to be in sealed factory wrapping. Items must be alcohol free. And they also accept funds to buy these items.

Everything has to be donated through the Voluntary Section at VA hospitals. Volunteers deal with the donations, distributing them to the veterans who need or request them.

This department is run by few paid staff members -- so you can rest assured your tax dollars are not being wasted on pampering our troops!

Here's what they define as basic "comfort" items for our hospitalized veterans:

Hair combs
Denture Adhesive
Denture Cleaner
Denture Cup
Deodorant
Disposable Safety Razors
Emery Board
Hair Brushes
Hand/Body Lotion
Nail Clippers
Shampoo
Shaving Cream
Toothbrush
Toothbrush Cover/Cap
Toothpaste
Foot Powder
Toe Nail Clippers

For more information you can contact the Seattle VA Hospital Voluntary Section/HRMS at (206) 764-2195. They can help put you in touch with where to send your donations as well as how to contact the VA Hospital in your area.

Please let our veterans know we actually care about them in a most fundamental way.

I mean, if (thanks to a president who ignores our election results) we are powerless to save their lives, perhaps we can save their teeth!

Listening

Do you realize that when you talk you can't listen to anyone except yourself?

Recently, I went to the presentation by a nationally (very) recognized actor - who also is a writer and director. He was talking to an audience of writers - for the screen and other media.

He started the evening by saying that while he has had the good fortune to be consistently employed as an actor, and in some memorable films at that, he sees himself more as a writer and director than any other artist.

As a teenager, he studied art, then on to writing and directing in college and believes that writing is actually the key to his successful artistic and fulfilling personal life.

He could not have been any more clear: he was there to talk to screenwriters about - dare I say it? Writing.

Since he's part-owner and lecturer with a screenwriting school, I figured he must be a fountain of advice that is pure gold.

For example, he noted that excellent writing relies on writers listening - to real people, to our characters, to our gut, to our inner voice and most importantly - to life.

So guess what the majority of questions from the audience were about?

Yep.

Acting.

Oy. Vey.

Oscars day/night

1:15pm

One of my actresses is actually at the Oscars today - she just texted me she's almost ready for the red carpet - Gwyneth Paltrow just waved and said "hi!"

She's going to be texting me updates throughout the afternoon and evening.

I'm coaching four of the actors (including her) in her new film - and need to double check with the director to get approval for the type of British accent I'm giving two of those actors/characters. I think educated middle class is important to show their backgrounds as well as the esteemed professional positions they hold now.

He has a lot of faith in me, which is wonderful, but I always like to double check with directors to make sure the work I'm doing with actors in their film contributes to their projects in ways they absolutely love and believe elevate the artistic level of the film.

I know I would want that if I work with an acting coach when I direct. So far, I've coached all the actors in my films because I know what they can do and what the project needs, so ... I'm looking forward to working with some exceptional acting coaches in the future for the features I will be directing.

It is loadsa fun on either side!

More later - possibly much later (as in tomorrow) because I'm going to an Oscars' party with my personal assistant, Lance Myers, held by a group of filmmakers here in Seattle. :-)

3:10 pm UPDATE:

She ran into trouble with her ultimate dress - a rare, antique gown that should set tongues dragging and wagging on the fashion scene .. the seamstress showed up just in time!

But the make-up artist is late! Flying in from another state, she was supposed to have arrived long before now. What to do, what to do? Tick tick tick tick. It's already 3:12pm and she's due to leave for the read carpet awhile ago! Eek!

My actress has some newspaper interviews lined up to do after the awards show. She mentioned she would be sure to discuss her upcoming project, me (!), her co-star, etc. But I told her, "This night is about you. Your work. What you have done. Everything else is extra. Just bask in people celebrating you and you celebrating all those accomplished artists. Remember everything. This is your night, Cinderella - and the shoe fits!"

With just a skosh of luck, she'll move from the audience to the podium in no time! Well - that is, IF the make-up artist arrives in time!!!

Meanwhile, I don't want you to get the idea that I get all my jollies living vicariously through my actors! NO WAY.

I've got lots of big plans today before the party....

Lots of them. I already dashed off to Costco for my diet shakes, I'm getting ready to change the kitty litter, I just finished the laundry and-

Oh, yeah.

I see what you mean.. ;-)

More later!

4:15 pm UPDATE

The replacement make-up artist arrives!

5:30 pm UPDATE

She stepped out of the limo to the glory that is the red carpet, made her way through the maze to catch up with the two people with whom she is sitting.

She got hugged by her New Best Friend (;-) Anne Hathaway - and caught up with her seatmates!

Then had to turn her PDA off when she went inside until after the awards are presented and she's out of the Kodak.

Meanwhile, the party we went to turned out to be not so swell; we snuck out the back door. A pizza's on the way and we're in our hang out to watch the Oscars clothes. Ellen's off to a good start; she's wearing a beautiful suit.

Who are you?

It's enough to make a (camera) acting coach pull her hair out, bang her head against the wall and pull her ear lobes down to her shoes.

I've said it one million times, so here goes 1,000,001.

The more you know yourself, the better you can portray other people/characters.

When casting directors and others hiring actors for a role, commercial spokesperson, reality-based work (weather forecaster, sportscaster) or show host - they are looking for you.

You.

Not the person who has already done it, not the "type of person" you've seen doing the work.

They are looking for someone who is genuinely themselves - people who are authentic connect with an audience on a person to person level. As yourself, whoever you are, you are original.

They/we (me as a director) are looking for people who act, not actors who act. People who have experienced life and joy and defeat and frustration and love and anger and-

The problem is: even after I tell people this, when they audition for these terrific gigs, they fall back on trying to look and sound like all the other people they've seen do similar work, overthinking or overanalyzing.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgh!!!

NO!

But, what happens in too many cases, is that the performer auditioned hasn't nailed down who they are before auditioning for anything, so they rely on trying to be - or behave like - others they've seen doing a similar character or the same job.

It's fine to research, analyze and intellectualize all you want before you turn your performance completely over to your gut.

It's crucial that, in this career (acting, producing, directing, performing), you know who you are. When you do, the rollercoaster experiences that come with the business of show -- or one's personal life -- aren't nearly as nerve-wracking because you have a firm foundation of peace and stability within yourself.

Another reason to know who you are is to establish your true identity in order to deal with the success sure to follow if you're devoted to your craft and dedicated to continue growing in your life and your work.

I have seen so many people who begin to enjoy a degree of success sabotage themselves in a million different ways - all based on not dealing with taking the time to discover who they are as well as the demons they are too afraid to face.

Many stories of the people who have undone blossoming careers thanks to refusing to deal with themselves, their fears and identity issues are seen on the E! TV's Blvd of Broken Dreams.

But it starts much earlier. I've coached people to express themselves as they truly would, which is great, and yet when they step in front of the camera or perform at an audition? They revert to bizarre ideas of what they "should" do, totally confounding me.

Why did they do it?

Sure enough, they say they wanted to sound "warmer," (um, thinking you want to sound "warm" keeps you in your mind and keeps you away from your gut, which is where your performance needs to emanate). Or they wanted to sound like they thought a host "should." Or a commercial spokesperson they've seen.

Believe it or not, the way we want you to sound and come across?

Is just to be you.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Speak from your heart and gut.

Without trying.

Any time an actor tries to sound a certain way, with a certain emotion for the camera? It does not work. As in, ever.

You must simply be that emotion or you come across as false. As acting. And it doesn't work for the camera.

Funnily, it normally takes a lot of work to understand how to simply "be" for the camera.

But a great place to start? Is by understanding and knowing you. Who you are. What makes you tick.

I've always said the way we deal with fear defines who we are. Who we are is also defined by how we react to everything and everyone in our lives.

The only way we find out is to be aware of those things: how do you deal with fear? React to everything and everyone in your life?

Deal is, once you know who you really are? All the other stuff is just that - stuff and, as the Beatles said, "Nothing to get hung about." Nothing to destroy a life or a career about.

Be yourself and you stand out - that's your "hook," that's what makes you special.

But remember - you have to know yourself in order to be yourself!

Go for it!

The only thing that remains the same is change

There are two types of change (OK, some wise guy in Manchester is saying coins and currency ... not that kind of change!): imposed and voluntary. Change that is put upon us and change that we plan.

There are two ways to deal with change: well and poorly.

It's all about control.

When change is imposed upon us, the only thing we can control is how we respond to it. It helps to know what we actually want to make that a healthy response. It also helps to have a strong, positive support group and system of dealing with problems.

The worst sort of change is the type that happens when we realize red flags have been flapping and we've either refused to acknowledge them or refused to believe they were red flags. It's called living in denial.

We've all been there, done that.

That sort of change usually ends up with us not being informed, but blindsided instead.

OUCH!

I've never understood why people do that sort of thing, but it certainly is done often enough. Especially when people refuse to be honest - until the truth emerges (which it always does) and smacks everyone upside the head.

We have much more control when we choose our own fate - the way we wish change to take place. If we decide what we want, how we want that goal to look and feel, then establish a plan to make it happen.

Now, that plan usually comes with surprises of its own, but they can be more positive and exciting than the original vision if we don't try to control the outcome.

One thing about change - whether we initiate it or it's foisted upon us - it sets off an emotional range between discomfort and agony even among the strongest.

So we can 1) handle it in a healthy, classy way, 2) try to live in denial about its existence (a surefire way to living in a hellacious existence) or 3) try to avoid dealing with it through every escape means known to humankind (moving, partying, drinking, hanging out with people who help us "escape"), a surefire path to a collision with ourselves, with the truth and everyone associated with it.

I find welcoming change in my life consciously is a good thing to do, because I prepare for it subconsciously and can handle it far more easily than if I would try to prevent the metamorphasis that is my life.

"cutting back.."

I know people who say they want to quit smoking, drinking and other (mental and physical) health-compromising or chemical substances.

How?

They tell me they're "cutting back."

Here's the deal:

If we're addicted to ... whatever ... sex, cigarettes, booze, drugs, people who aren't healthy for us, internet porn, porn, anger, video games, TV, feeling victimized, food, sugar, work, being poor, being rich, clubbing, a person, candy, praise, wha'-evah ... "cutting back" isn't really going to help us kick the habit.

First, we need to understand an addiction is something we abuse or consume to prevent us from feeling or dealing with our feelings or our lives as they really are .. (i.e., reality). Without that crutch, we can get pretty upset, desperate -- in other words actually experience feelings we'd rather not.

So the idea of "cutting back" sounds reasonable.

Like, instead of having 20 cigarettes a day, I'm "cutting back" to 10. Before long, I'll cut back to 5, then 3, then 2, then 1, then NONE!

Trouble is, when we postpone doing anything addictive .... when we "finally" get it?

It is experienced as a reward.

"I haven't had a cigarette in five hours. I used to have one every four! I'm waiting until hour number six to have one!"

When that hour number six rolls around ... aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. (Your Bic is flicked.) Puuuuuuuuuuuuff. Exhaaaaaaaaaaaale. (Repeat, repeat, repeat, extinguish)

Reward.

Get it?

Sad as it is, the only way to kick any habit is to cut it out. As in cut it out of your life.

There are *tons* of websites online, local groups, counselors and books that can help you deal with and cut out any habit that's getting in the way of your best life!

My actors - almost all of them - are addiction-free because to be a great actor one must be able to access their feelings, and that's downright impossible while practicing any addiction. They don't necessarily come to me that way - they make the choice that learning to live their lives to the fullest - to pursue their passion - they can only do it without abusing any addictive substances.

The question often gets down to: are we worth it?

Are we worth pursuing our passion, living our lives to the fullest, doing what we love and being with people who genuinely love us, treasure us and aren't afraid to show anyone how much they care for us? Being with people we genuinely love, treasure and aren't afraid to show anyone we care for them?

Listen.

Hear that clock?

Tick tick tick tick.

That's the sound of this lifetime winding down.

Are you worth -- is your life -- worth being happy, healthy, loved and loving?

Just asking.

"natural presence"

Something one has to live with as a coach is just about everyone else getting credit for our work.

No doubt about it -- those skaters are out there on the ice skating, not the coach. The pitcher is out there on the pitcher's mound throwing the ball, not the coach. The actor is out there auditioning and performing, not the coach.

Recently, however, someone gave credit for someone's "natural presence" that was actually born and raised right here in my studio. Lots of that happens here. That's the point of having a coach and why people pay me their hard-earned money; why people dedicate themselves and work so hard.

Granted there are the few who actually do have that core natural presence when they walk in, but in many cases, it needs to be fluffed and puffed and directed or re-directed to make it kick ass a mile away.

Occasionally, however, it's nice to have the "natural ambiance, presence, performance, etc.," work recognized as being born, bred and nurtured by a coach who spends hours helping folks tap into their talent, into their confidence to release the many colors in their aura so it can be broadcast for miles away.

One actress, who is doing fantastically now, came to me when she could barely speak at all, and when she did she whispered. She was so extraordinarily quiet, reserved and constricted.

Today? Um, you'd never believe the girl was *ever* remotely shy, quiet or uncommunicative. We tapped into her soul, her talent, her confidence! She has continued to work, allowing all her inner and outer beauty shine and mushroom!

Something else coaches live with: when it comes time for our coachees to accept awards, 99 times out of 100, the thank-you's go to just about everyone else except the coach. The production assistants, family dog, ex-spouses, kindergarten play supervisors, hand puppets and craft services (food servers) are more apt to get mentioned.

At first I was shocked .. I was there - from helping to create the character, the character's voice, the character's accent and movement to the character's last breath on the set.

But the thank-you's went to everyone from Charles Dickens's nephew to the focus puller (someone who turns the camera lens to keep things in focus).

Does the director of photography feel the same way? I've often wondered. She or he is the reason the character looked the winning way s/he did, but .. no mention.

The make-up artist responsible for those buck teeth that simply "made" that character? No mention.

I've actually known actors who don't want to admit they even work with a coach!

Or actors who have done well and never even said "thank you, CP!"

But you know what? The truly great actors do! Listen to Halle Berry, Helen Hunt, Renee Zelwegger or Charlize Theron! They talk about their coaches and thank them!

I think I'll pass out a questionnaire to all my actors: When you win all those fantastic acting awards because of my coaching do you plan on thanking me? Like in public?

OK, I *could.* But when it comes time up there on the podium ... they'll just forget ..

I think it's just one of those secrets that remains between God (Great Spirit, Great Mystery, Allah, whoever), coachees and us coaches. :-)

*Except!*

To be fair, there are those wonderful, wonderful people with whom I work and have worked who thank me and talk about me all the time in interviews and auditions. There's one particular actress who is doing so well - I'm so proud of her; she mentions me to everyone she encounters in the industry, crediting me with her success.

When I'm asked about her? I only say it's her artistry, devotion and hard work that are putting her in that rarified air where she is getting so many opportunities.

And that's the truth, too.

What a winning, mutually admiring team.

I guess, thanked or not, I *love* my work!

But wow, does it feel good to hear, "Thanks, CP! Couldn't do it without ya!" ;-)

Languages of Love

What is your language of love?

As I've said many times, love is not a feeling, it's an action. How do you show your love? How do you like to be shown that someone cares for/about and loves you?

Thanks to my webmaster John's blog, here's a love languages test you can take to figure out what makes you smile, tingle and believe that someone cares deeply about you?

You can have your partner, friend or family member take the test as well to make sure you're covering all your bases when it comes to showing him or her how much you love them?

I'm divided equally between physical touch and words of affirmation; right beneath them are acts of service (helping out with tasks or ordinary things I must do throughout the day) and quality time spent together.

When it comes to gifts? Zip. Nada. Nothing.

The best thing someone can give me is an appointment with a massage therapist or reflexologist. Or perhaps a gift certificate.

It's the time and talking - communication - that makes the difference to me.

The test choices let me see what others may prefer to my "love language" preferences in order to let others know I care; that I love them and how much.

It's a short test and I'm sure not scientific, but at least it's an indicator of how many ways people like to be told they are loved!

Britney

Damn it.

I hate being right in these situations.

More than 10 years ago, I predicted the personal meltdown of Britney Spears, based on how she was being handled, her press, her public persona (overly sexualized) and her performances.

I'm very sorry to say (and please believe whatever you wish - I'm not dissing her!) that I believe that while she is a hard-working performer whose fan base was second to none, the degree of her talent is limited, that her ability to make a life long career in the business of show is hampered because of it.

So she was used as a money machine while she was "hot" by people who made millions from her performances, CD's, DVD's, image, and products using her image.

More importantly, her real identity was stripped from her-if you saw any interviews or features with her you saw someone who was incredibly nice and kind to her fans and performed her heart out for them. Who was she really?

No doubt she was also surrounded with yes people who stood to make even more money off her work if they just kept her "happy."

Kids who work all the time, who don't understand their value as individuals, as a person - but instead see who they are through their looks and ability to work (read: make money) find themselves as adults without knowing who they really are and without the foundation that makes the rest of their lives function well, properly and happily.

I've always maintained that kids have no place in show business because of the way they're too often treated. But to deny a gifted child the opportunity to perform would be an outright sin, so I've always supported them. However, working with the parents can be a real trick.

Fortunately, the parents of kids I've coached, for the most part, were in charge of their kids, protected them and simply supported their desire to act and perform. I actually coached the parents so they would know *how* to protect and support them in the industry.

Freddie (now Fred) Savage's parents are terrific role models for good parenting of a working kid.

I don't work with kids whose parents are stage parents - parents who actually have their kid perform so they can live through their work and celebrity vicariously, to make up for something they feel they were denied or lack, or in some cases to actully want their kid to support them financially.

You've read about a lot of them in the tabloids.

I will *never* forget assessing a seven (7!) year young girl for coaching. Her mother sat on my couch, smiling proudly at her offspring as I interviewed her. I asked, "Tell me something about yourself you really like."

Her response: "I'm pretty and I get lots of work!"

WHAT?! I couldn't help but wonder how many other working show biz kids would have said the same.

I probed, "I mean, are you kind, are you a good friend, do you love animals?"

She went on to tell me about her "best friends." The Beanie Babies sitting on her bed.

Right.

No, wrong.

Coaching this kid would just a) break my heart and b) create all sorts of turmoil with her mother because I would help her daughter find her true identity and independence and personal values, and she's too young to slip into that conflicting territory with anyone. After all, the parent is the parent and wanting her kid to forsake her true identity and personal values is not a criminal act or seen as child abuse under the law.

As it was, my heart broke for the kid because I could see her massive dysfunction blooming as a young adult coming down the track, heading for a collision with life that would be very difficult for her unless she got proper guidance.

I also see these collisions happening for little girls who emulate "stars" whose basic values are their appearance and being a celebrity (defined as someone who gets publicity without really being anybody or doing anything to serve humanity - a very hollow existence: i.e. Anna Nichole Smith, Paris Hilton).

Britney has made the transition from being a bona fide star to becoming a celebrity.

I've worked with a *lot* of beautiful women over the years and too often something is missing - it's an understanding of who they really are or can be unrelated to their appearance. And in some cases it's a strength of character caused by relying on their looks as their identity, especially as teen agers and young adults. It's not all their fault - they're frequently surrounded by people and parents who feed that narcissism.

But when life smacks them upside the head and they need the skills they should have obtained as kids - when they were so into clothes, make-up and celebrities? They are often at a loss about how to handle problems in a healthy way, and they suffer tremendously trying to find their way - especially when they surround themselves with people who don't help them find their true personal identity.

Only recently someone I worked with couldn't stand the thought of someone pushing her to deal with her problems of feeling so empty and directionless - so she could find ways to feel good about herself and find happiness. She stuck with what was familiar rather than face the unknown - which would have most probably resulted in a fulfilling life.

This also happens to boys and men who are incredibly handsome/beautiful.

I find it interesting that so many people think that good-looking people have no "real" problems.

Meanwhile, the media are culpable to the extent that they exploit these kids for money just as much as their handlers; but they wouldn't make any money if people didn't pay a lot of money for the trash they sell.

So in the end, as all things, it gets down to our own personal values and, too often parents who by ignorance, neglect or greed, have made the largest contribution to the psyche of their troubled adult kids.

At this point, I see Britney as a victim of those who handled her when she was a kid when she didn't know any better - and then pretty much kept her in the dark so they could continue business as usual.

But now Britney's an adult - a mother of two kids herself - and needs to decide whether she wants to grow up and be genuinely happy as well as be a terrific parent and role model for her own children.

I see her shaving her own hair off as an attempt to shed all the misery of her current life, only it won't go away, especially using drugs and alcohol.

To be clear - show biz/working kids who love what they do; who are parented and socialized to be happy, healthy individuals, surrounded with people who care more for them then their monetary value have a *great* chance of having downright wonderful and happy lives as adults.

Those who don't? Are easy prey for vultures who can spot their vulnerability, their sense of feeling lost and hollow a mile away. They move in quickly to take advantage of them - posing as "friends" - they are really just sychophants who can say they hang with (fill in person's name). Usually drug dealers are among the first to "make friends" with such lost people.

I have all the sympathy and empathy in the world for the kid Britney was. I *hope* someone is trying to help out of her misery instead of just taking the paycheck she's paying them to "take care of her."

By the way, the only reason you hear about Britney's problems is because of her celebrity -there are thousands of similar stories of lesser-known others that never make the tabs. E! TV is featuring stories about some of them on its program, "Blvd of Broken Dreams."

Parents of kids who want to be in show business: Paul Peterson (former child star of the Donna Reed Show) has done some fantastic work with the Screen Actor's Guild on behalf of young performers - you can read about how to protect and nurture young performers on his and the SAG websites.

Believe me, Britney's "value" as a late night TV show joke is limited. She's getting into some severely disturbed, heartbreaking territory - for herself and her children. If you are a true fan, if you really care about her? Write her, tell her to get help so she can get happy.

You can write her respectfully (seriously, don't be a jerk) through her representatives at: International Creative Management, 8942 Wilshire Boulevard, Beverly Hills, California 90211-1934 - USA

Britney - I hope you use your fame to help other girls and women avoid your agony by getting treatment, telling the truth of your experience and becoming one of the healthiest, happiest women and moms show business has *ever* known. God bless.

Reaching out

A dear friend and I were discussing how, when people who are suffering through emotional turmoil or significant life problems and transitions need to reach out to people who care for them more than ever - in order to be safely still and work through their pain - they tend to do just the opposite.

They withdraw, run away, drown or suppress their feelings with anesthetizing chemicals, or hang out with people who enable them to stay stuck in their agony, all of which results in drawn out misery and negative outcomes -- until and unless they find they can tolerate the pain no longer, their lives become so unmanageable they realize they have no choice but to change or be lost in an emotional or lifestyle/behavioral quagmire they can't possibly handle -- or die.

It's sad and upsetting to watch them do this to themselves, when if they would instead reach out to caring, healthy friends and counseling, they would get to the other side of their grief and agony so much more quickly and less painfully.

Unfortunately, well-intended friends who share their concerns only tend to make their suffering pal angry, believing that those who care are being judgmental or don't understand or something equally as off-putting.

Then again, perhaps all those self-destructive actions were actually cries for help and they are not aware of it.

It's shocking how much better you'll feel if you share it with friends - after all, a problem shared is a problem halved.

I tend to reach out to friends, write ceaselessly and seek counsel if I'm really in a significant, emotional state.

Either way, I wish anyone and everyone suffering through any personal turmoil a speedy and compassionate recovery.

Are you someone's champion?

Having a champion in my life is the best. Ever.

I've been a champion for others most of my life, and I love my work. But I always seem to know more than others I'm around, and I've yearned to find and learn from someone who significantly surpasses my knowledge, experience and industry contacts.

Don't get me wrong - I love standing up for the people I coach and mentor - cheering them on, giving them a helping hand, connecting them with the right people or job, educating, supporting, nurturing, protecting, coaching, believing in and caring for them - their progress, success, happiness and well-being.

Not to mention assisting already successful people take yet another step up practicing their craft as they make their way up the food chain in their careers.

Some people haven't understood why someone would care so much, but that's just what I do - I consider it all part of the job.

I think my devotion has been in part because I was hoping one day to find someone who would be a champion for me - maybe I was practicing a conscious karma awareness - and by golly last year I found him! Or perhaps we found one another.

It's an amazing experience: exhilarating, empowering, enjoyable, productive, nurturing and inspiring. Life-altering, to be sure. It's like taking a huge step up in every aspect of my life.

The ancient tradition of mentor/mentee, proteges and apprenticeships are not as widely practiced today as they once were, so they tend not to be as understood as a classroom teacher/student orientation.

It's a more personal, informal, (appropriately) intimate relationship that can result in a close friendship, business relationship and even creative collaborations.

When the two people involved are right for one another - it's magic for both parties. It's important to make certain compatibility, trust and reliability can be established soundly over a long period of time or it won't work.

Neither can take advantage of the other, and clear, honest, open communciation - as is the case for any good relationship - is the key to an effective mentorship.

Long term success can lead to some remarkable achievements - individually and collectively.

My new champion/mentor has already emboldened and ignited some pretty extraordinary work from this mentee! Best of all, we belong to a "mutual admiration society"-appreciating what each of us does, the way each of us thinks, our intelligence, achievements, contributions, personal belief systems and down to earth, family (people and pets) values.

I feel especially blessed - and don't take a moment of his time, support, insights and enouragement for granted. I look forward to having the opportunity to interact with this astonishing accomplished, talented, hard-working, caring role model the rest of my life.

I know we create our own luck, but damn! I feel so lucky!

A house call from the vet!

For regular readers, you know that a great veterinarian, Dr. Hanna Ekstrom, helped my nearly 20 year-old cat Cagney pass into kitty heaven from the warmth, security and comfort of our house with Oscar and Mistletoe right next to her and me.

As I wrote at that time, this vet would be welcome in my home any time because of her nurturing and knowledgable treatment not just of Cagney, but of my other three pets as well. She gave my two dogs and wiley little kitten the once over to make sure they were firing from all cylinders, even helping Oscar deal with his arthritis.

A month later, I decided to ask her to make an official house call to examine and treat all three pets - and I'm more impressed than ever.

Even with her travel fee, it's less expensive to have her come here to administer to multiple pets than to take each of them into an office. She can also see how they live, how they interact and how they are treated in real life.

She's not shy about making behavioral modification recommendations, either. Seeing what a swing-from-the-rafters kitten Allie Cat is, she recommended I put dry food in a small container that makes lots of noise when I shake it to call her. And to make that her primary source of food.

This little tip has paid off tremendously. She comes when she's called - with the help of the food noise most of the time now, but is starting to come without it as well!

Perhaps most importantly, the animals aren't upset about being taken out of the home and having to wait at the veterinarian's office, surrounded by so many other animals experiencing an array of medical conditions and illness.

Major work, such as teeth cleaning and specialized care such as cardiology, still has to be done by veterinarians in their offices, but just about everything else can be taken care of by Dr. Hanna and one of her assistants who is always on hand and their truck loaded with medical supplies needed to treat pets of every variety.

I have to admit Allie Cat wasn't enthused about receiving her leukemia and rabies shots from the gentle vet, but Oscar and Mistletoe were just a little gaga as she examined and treated them.

One thing about being treated at home: I remembered every little thing that I was concerned about for each animal - Oscar's eyes (easily treated with eye goop), Allie's crazy-wild jumps that leave her smashed into walls, tables and chairs ("Don't worry, she'll self-regulate.") and Mistletoe's sudden extreme fearfulness following a full dental treatment ("She'll be back normal soon here.")

I always forget things when I go into an office - even if I have my trusty list about what's up.

Anyway, I thought you'd enjoy hearing about Dr. Hanna, and to know that lots of veterinarians across the country are starting home visit practices as well. Their security as well as your own always has to be a priority - them coming to your residence for the first time, as well as you having a new person and their assistant in your home.

Mine was a "seamless" experience the first time she came. She came in and, with her assistant, got to work immediately, was thoughtful and nurturing as Cagney passed away in my arms, two Pomeranians next to her, a little kitten sitting on her back.

The second visit was even more rewarding because everyone is basically well.

Her priorities are our animals, which us animal lovers really appreciate more than anything.

I am *so* glad I discovered her and that veterinarians like her are helping our furry, feathered and scaley friends in the comfort of their own homes and cages without freaking them out!

I'll take pictures of her next visit so you can see for yourself. :-)

Demystifying getting into acting for the camera biz

1. Have a burning, yearning desire to act.

Not to be famous, to be rich or to get revenge on the kids who harrassed you in high school by becoming 'someone.'

You gotta love the craft and art.

2. Get proper training.

Know what you want to learn. Ignorance can cost you plenty of time and money - as you pick up bad habits and huge credit card debts along the way.

A bazillion places prey on eager kids and their parents, telling them they're super talented and should be a model or on TV or in movies when they're really only out to rip you off. Some of these guys actually have weird set-ups like some car dealers - like having 2-way mirrors that watch and listen to parents and kids discuss the "opportunity" that seems to be magically put before them.

As they spy on potential customers, they know what concerns they have and address them immediately as they re-enter the room. Someone who worked in one of these places told me about this practice. It's the reason she quit.

Check with regional SAG, AEA, or AFTRA offices to find qualified coaches and classes in your area who work with camera actors.

You can't go too wrong by checking out your local community college or university acting classes. Almost all school classes, however, focus on theater acting rather than acting for the camera. Some schools insist that students study theater for at least a couple years before allowing them in front of the camera.

Most schools, teachers and coaches won't diss other schools, teachers or coaches, even if they know they aren't the Real Deal.

OTOH, there are some not very good teachers and coaches who will diss very qualified teachers and coaches in an attempt to prevent people from working with them.

Classes should NOT be excessively expensive.

Best thing: find out how successful the actors are who study where ever, with whom. If folks are getting work? That should be an indicator.

3. The elements used for auditions:

a. great attitude - know yourself, have confidence, show us your chops, don't be too eager to please or just do what you think we want. The only reason to audition is to network. If you go in desperately wanting the job? You'll never be able to get that out of your subtextual essence enough to completely become the character.

b. proper slate (most people are taught this is perfunctory - something that needs to be done and get out of the way - instead of your important first impression).

c. a great casting interview. All that information they ask about you - this is the key to working your way up the food chain. The higher you go, the more important it becomes.

d. improv/commercial. Being able to improv and do a great commercial will always help your audition tool box. Asking you to do a commercial for something only gives you a hook on which to improv.

e. cold read. This is one of the most commonly used means of evaluating an actor's ability to come up with great characterization quickly. Making strong choices boldly! If you don't know - a "cold read" is one in which someone hands you a script and gives you a short period of time to prepare for the audition - usually about 10-15 minutes.

f. monologue. Generally we want to see monologues against type. Meaning that if you look innocent and vulnerable, you want to present a tough or sinister monologue character. A monologue is not a character study.

The monologue has a beginning, middle, end; the character goes through a change. For camera, they should be 1-2 minutes long, max.

A character study is more theatrical and is generally considered a monologue in theater. It usually has a character rumenating or reflecting without going through any change. Theater monologues can run 3 minutes (5 minutes used to be the norm).

If you have these skills with a good headshot -- you're prepared to audition!

Mind you, there are a dozen different ways to approach your entry into the business - but without these skills, chances are your longevity will be limited.

One of my actors was told by an "actor" who lives in an area where a *lot* of work is available for actors that all he had to do was keep showing up for auditions - that training wasn't really necessary - and that one day pow! He would be cast and start his career.

The person giving him this advice had been "auditioning" for SIX years -- I can't imagine that he would still be seen by even no budget indie projects -- and had never landed a job. He had received call backs, but only first call backs.

This "actor" hung out with some people who were actually trained and got work so he could feel "in," and believed his partying, drug and alcohol use would somehow hasten a career.

Uh-huh.

Meanwhile, it's also crucial that you understand how the business works. I am always shocked when I hear how far off base so many people are about how it works, especially people who are just starting out.

The most important thing you can do is remember who you are - really - and continue to be that person. It's tough to do because so many people try to pressure you to do or not do something - but it's still paramount to get quality work and establish a solid career.

Hey! It's "One Day!"

You know how we alway say "One Day I'm gonna ... (whatever)?"

Guess what?

ONE DAY is here!

Go for it! Get it done! Hop on it! TCB!* Get your rear in gear! Get on it! Check it off your list! Take that chance! Make it happen! Finish it! Build it! Tell her! Tell him! Send it! Return it! Do it!

Don't let the opportunity slip by again!

There are *no* excuses - One Day has arrived!

--------------
*TCB=Take Care of Business!

"My" mystery New York City VJ is ROCKING!!!

I can hardly wait to tell you who she is, where she's working, and how she simply and totally ROCKS at what she does!

Let me tell you the "secret" to her soon to be national success:

1) She is passionate about music. She loves, lives and breathes MUSIC! Not just some genres, but all music.
2) She loves and respects the creative process of making music.
3) She loves and respects the creative and working process of performing music.
4) She has worked in the music industry for several years - including with one of the biggest selling artists in the world.
5) She researches and investigates new and established musicians, music genres and music history
6). She finds facts, news and artists to interview that engage audiences - not just those you see all the time
7) She has been working on being naturally herself for the camera for several months with me, and only gets better with every taping. She was afraid that a coach would try to make her someone she really isn't-like all the other VJ's. I told her I wanted *none* of that "all the other VJ's are like that so I should be too..." stuff. Fuggedabouddit! This young woman is fantastic, exciting and engaging simply being herself.
8) She has worked on her writing to make sure she can professionally present anything that needs a written element.

Hmmmm.

Let's add all this up:

She has a driving passion for her subject; she works her butt off to consistently and constantly educate herself even more about the subject many would already consider her an expert; she knows and works with successful and up-and-coming people in the industry; she has worked hard to sharpen her presentation and writing skills; she understands the international implications of music and the business; she has a terrific look ... and she has a great personality.

A personality that younger audiences will be drawn to like a magnet - as well as having tremendous appeal for anyone, any race, any age, any gender, who listens to music.

The one thing the industry might not be ready for: while she has a couple of specific ethnic backgrounds, she can't be urbanized, ghettoized or pigeon-holed.

Because she really is all about the music. ALL music.

She's also a down-to-earth real person. I'm so proud of her and thrilled for her.

Girlfriend, you totally, absolutely ROCK! As a person and as a professional!

Closeness

I was thinking about the people to whom I feel most close.

Some I see frequently, others I don't.

Still, I have this warm sense that they're with me in spirit, somehow. As if their energy lingers, mingling in my aura so they are part of me in some molecular sense.

The reverse is true of other people - like, it doesn't matter how close we once were, or how often we might see each other now - their energy doesn't stick with me.

I don't know for sure what makes that happen, but I have a feeling it's a two way street.

Maybe it's like the old Beatles song The End says: "And in the end/the love you take/is equal to/the love you make."

As in, when you genuinely share your energy unconconditionally with someone - as a friend, as a coworker, as a lover, without any hidden agenda?

Your energy sticks around. People think about you. Ask about you. Wonder how you are.

If not? If someone hides who they are, is not generous with their energy or does things with an ulterior motive - not sharing honestly and fearlessly?

Their energy can disappear pretty quickly once they're out of sight. No one asks about them, no one wonders how they are - and in some cases, even where they are. At least that's been my experience.

Sounds a little simplistic.

But, I like simple.

I also like feeling the presence of those terrific people who have been so generous with their energy! They totally ROCK!

Letting go

It's amazing how good it feels to simply .. let go.

Releasing - genuinely liberating whatever feels sticky or like it's hanging on, even for appropriate, meaningful, sentimental, professional, financial or legal reasons - is an amazing feeling of freedom.

Taking appropriate action that makes letting go a reality, then imagining whatever it is as a little cloud that dissipates; a balloon that continues to rise until it disappears; a fire that burns out completely.

Positive feelings or memories that are meant to remain from a relationship, individual, pet, experience or project will always live on in our hearts.

And with every thing we set free - an opening is created that allows us to produce whatever it is we want to replace it with.

Frustration can be replaced with ease; saddness with happiness; feeling stuck with feeling free.

Up to you!

My nearly 20 year-old cat Cagney, who recently died in my arms, was cremated. Her ashes sit on the fireplace mantel in a very attractive, small dark grey urn. There's something comforting about having them around. Cherishing all those years as well as our last moments together.

It's time to let go and put at least some of them in her favorite place.

Next week, on a suny day, I'm spreading some of her ashes on the spot she loved the most - a little patch of grass next to the backyard fence on which she slept for hours in the sun every day the sun was out.

Believe it or not, there are lots of them in Seattle.

I still see her curled up there - raising her head occasionally to say "meowdy!" when she saw me, which was often. I loved to watch her enjoy herself so much just ... be ... I'd check on her as she basked several times a day. She was also probably entertained as she laid there - it's said that cats see angels.

My new little kitten Allie Cat is probably watching Cagney and my previous cat, Kitzel, play together - since both were truly little angels as earthlings - they must be having a party now that they're free of any mortal bodies and worldly physical obstacles!

Exercising poetic license

The Green Lake Pathway
by Colleen Patrick

You walk your doggie and he struts
Sniffing other doggie butts
You carry that silly little ferret
On your shoulder if she can bear it

A park is no place to bring a gerbil
It's nothing but a tiny toothy furball
Me, I'd rather take a nap
A purring kitten on my lap

"Common" knowledge ...

I do not - nor have I ever - claimed to be omniscient. To know *everything.*

I mean I do know a fair amount, but some of the stuff I know is a little, well, obtuse. Like not stuff you'd run into every day.

And it's shocking how many things other people would consider "common knowledge" that I don't know.

No excuses - I just don't.

But I'm a quick learner!

Like yesterday.

Victoria, a wonderful French woman who gives me reflexology treatments to assist my healing recovery, recommended I get a particular oil to rub on my surgical wounds to avoid scars. She said she didn't know the name of the oil in French; it was a new oil she had never heard of during her stay in the US.

But, she insisted several people at her school spoke highly of the oil - that I was to rub it liberally on all the surgical wounds; that the oil would also help them heal more quickly.

Awright!

I was off to the store and try as I might, drifting past aisle after aisle, I could not find the oil.

Finally, I asked a clerk, who kneeled in front of a cereal display, putting the final sales price signs on it.

"Excuse me, could you please tell me where I could find castor oil?"

The attractive young woman popped up, looked me square in the eye and asked, "The L-A-X-A-T-I-V-E??!!" (emphasis and punctuation overload mine)

Her words seemed to echo across the room.

Were all those people staring at me?

"Um, NO!" I pleaded. "No, no, not the laxative. The skin oil. I had surgery and someone in the health care profession told me to lather it on my surgical wounds .."

I mimed rubbing the oil on the affected wounds as I explained.

To no avail.

She looked at me as if to say, "Uh-hum. Right. Skin oil," then did an immediate about face and headed up an aisle. I dutifully followed, trying to clear up this misunderstanding. "The stitches .... gone now .... but the red lines .... scalpel ... seriously .... major surgery ..."

She suddenly snap turned, handing me a bottle of castor oil.

A bottle whose label read in letters large enough to be read by astronauts floating around the moon: CASTOR OIL - STIMULANT LAXATIVE!!!

"There you go," she smiled, and beat a swift retreat back to her cereal sales display.

"But ... "

I held the bottle momentarily, then tossed it in my basket, covering it with vegetables. Then I realized I also had to go through the checkout stand - where someone would have the mistaken idea that I'm .... irregular.

I buried the bottle under the vegetables and other stuff and distracted the checkout clerk with lots of chitchat about the superbowl, weather (there had actually been some sunshine here in Seattle recently), yanga yanga yanga.

Until he held up The Bottle, when, once again, I explained what a great skin oil it was reported to be. Surgery. Etc.

His eyebrows raised as if to say, "Huh. Interesting." And shrugged as he put it in the bag without further discussion.

Driving home, I thought that whatever castor oil is called in French, I knew Victoria would slap her palm to her head as in, "I coulda had a V-8" when she realizes it's huile de ricin because it is such a commonly used natural elixir there.

I also can't believe I didn't know that castor oil is a very commonly known and used laxative.

Meanwhile, FYI, I've not just slathered it on my surgical wounds, but on my dry skin as well - which drank in the huile de ricin, making my skin soft and silky!

The oil is pretty sticky at first, but then over several minutes becomes smooth and supple-

Yes, seriously!

I'm using it on my SKIN!!!

Chees.

Uncomfortable? SAY SO!

Good grief.

A few months ago someone asked me to essentially "open up" to them about a difficult time I was experiencing. She told me she was "there" for me.

Uh-huh.

So I did - having every personal, professional and legal reason to believe that I was speaking strictly in confidence. I was distraught about a number of things and was completely vulnerable and open when I shared my misery. I shared my feelings, no holds barred.

But, alas, she couldn't handle it - she thought I opened up too much.

How do I know?

Because she told the person about whom I was "opening up" that what I told her made her uncomfortable and shared some of the more vociferous excerpts of my comments.

At least I assume this because she only told me a highly revised sanitized version when she found out there was, in fact, a legal reason to believe I was speaking strictly in confidence. I still have no idea what she actually told the person in question.

Needless to say the outcome of this little triangle was a disaster.

At first I felt guilty - but I always do when there's a problem, I have since I was a little kid.

Seriously. after reading about a terrible crime in the news I have to remind myself I don't even live in the same country, state or city where the horrible event took place and have a solid alibi for where I was and who I was with anyway.

I know - strange. But I know other people who react the same way, so I don't feel *too* alone or crazy.

At any road.

I was shocked at the disclosure of confidential information, dismayed that the third person in the triangle would actually buy what was said ... but mostly that the person who asked me to "open up" didn't say four simple words to me:

"1. That. 2. Makes. 3. Me. 4. Uncomfortable."

That's what I tell people who tell me things that make me feel ... uncomfortable. And the folks I say it to stop talking about whatever makes me uncomfortable.

Think of all the misery those four little words would have saved. The "problem" could have been solved quickly and openly.

Apparently she's not used to dealing with very passionate and emotional people like me (I'm surrounded with them, find them exciting and have no problem dealing with any feeling tossed at me) and just imploded. I have no idea and won't suppose any further.

This is how she "handled" the situation: She stopped emailing me or returning my phone calls and instead shared my information with the other person.

Apparently the old sucky juvenille "silent treatment" was intended to send me a message to stop talking to her.

Stop what she invited me to do.

The lesson I learned from this: Never open up - even by invitation - personal feelings to anyone other than a trusted friend, regardless of the person's profession - a profession which should guarantee confidentiality without any sort of written agreement evah.

Interestingly, as a journalist over the years I have maintained confidential sources and information that I'll carry to the grave with me - never thinking of disclosing or revealing them. As in, evah. I'm one of those folks who would go to jail first.

There were no signed agreements, no formal statements, I just gave them my word.

I share this not only because it's true and an interesting cautionary story, but several people have told me that my blogs seem to reflect exactly what they're going through when I write about my adventures.

As serendipitous as that might be, I genuinely hope you haven't suffered from this sort of situation! It took a couple months out of my life to recover from its unfortunate ramifications.

After trying to comunicate with the third party, who also practices the "silent treatment" school of therapy, I had to turn it all over to karma.

To sleep, perchance to dream ...

Ordinarily I sleep like a rock.

My sleep rocks. I also enjoy naps.

I fall asleep right away and snooze soundly until I awake in the morning.

Sometimes I have the pleasure of enjoying remarkable dreams like I had the other night. I was walking along a city street with a nicely dressed man in a dark suit and overcoat. We were having a great conversation - strong connection, comfortable and generous vibes abounded. We chatted about matters substantial (I'm not terrific at small talk anyway) and artistic.

At one point he took my hand - it felt soft and warm and strong - and we continued to converse. We agreed to be good friends and work together on some great projects that he would produce.

Suddenly I realized -- all this time I had been speaking with George Clooney.

My kinda dream!

Sleep specialists say to get a good night's rest, it's important NOT to let pets sleep with you.

I train my pets to sleep soundly on the bed and they do - unless one of them is ill, in which case I'm usually up all night taking care of him or her. But that's rare.

However, all that changed with the introduction of my new kitten, Allie Cat. I'm in the midst of training her to sleep soundly throughout the night.

She is small, sweet, cute, cuddly -- and more energetic than a Cirque de Soleil acrobat.

I find myself waking in the middle of the night with a new moustache - the kitten's amazingly long tail draped across my upper lip.

Or having dreams of a chain saw coming toward me .. as she purrs loudly in my ear.

She also licks my chin while I'm asleep. Kittens have tongues like the most coarse sandpaper evah - it's painful to understand the wonder of kitten love. It's like waking up to a rake being dragged across ultra-tender skin!

I can't move my feet under the covers because every movement is attacked by Simba, her lion-tiger alter-ego.

Fortunately, she very seldom extends her claws and does not bite, but she does attack moving objects.

Especially my two 5-pound Pomeranians. They're perfectly behaved on the bed - suckers! She dashes out of nowhere, leaps on them, tackles them then hugs them with extended arms and starts to kiss them.

They are not amused.

Allie also practices playing piano in the middle of the night. She pounces on the keys - and one would think that the sound would startle her enough to dart away. No .. she starts at the top of the treble clef and prances all the way down to the end of the bass clef.

So my usually serene sleep is being disrupted by a four pound whirling dirvish, which leaves my eyebrows furrowed during the day - which makes people wonder if I'm upset with them.

Not at all!

Fortunately, it won't take much longer for me to train Allie to sleep through the night - I'm making sure she gets lots of exercise during the day and play with her just before bedtime! Happily, she snoozes soundly most of the night now - it's just those few minutes... here and there... and the piano playing ... that make all the difference.

;-)

Crisis mentality

Brazil is reported to have the best public transporation system in the world.

They did not get it incorporating the typical Western "crisis mentality."

They spent 30 years planning, developing and executing a system that not only serves everyone, but is used by people from every economic status - rich and poor.

Compare that with Britian, Europe and US - whose decision-makers only seem to understand a problem exists just before voting time - generally every four to six years.

Transportation problems equal election time outrage by those opposing those in office. Then when the new person is elected? Um, not much is done except fill potholes and create more "studies" for how to deal with the outrageous problem of stagnant commuter traffic!

Until election time - when, again, voters are still stuck in commuter traffic, mad as hell, and think the only way to solve the problem is to elect someone new.

Politically, the same can be said of health care, education, the environment and many other issues that affect our daily lives by making us sicker, less learned and hapless victims of global warming (yeah, yeah, I know - it hasn't been "proved" 100% so we should do nothing to address the problem - whatever it is - while the planet deteriorates).

Crisis mentality.

Wait 'til there's a crisis, then try to address it - something that ought to have been addressed long ago.

Relationships, businesses, finances, international negotiations, and many more problems are neglected and allowed to fester until the crisis is finally recognized - and if you're lucky, you can pull together and create a plan to recover and rectify the situation.

All too often, however, by the time the crisis has hit it's too late to fix the problem, heal the wound or address it without numerous people getting hurt or even killed.

Interestingly, *someone* has usually seen it coming, spoken up - only to be ignored, condemned, fired, or dismissed as being hysterical or overreacting. I'm usually that someone, btw. Now I just leave those situations because it's too painful to watch the fruition of my predictions come true.

Several times in my career(s) people in my past have either contacted me to tell me I was right about what I saw/believed or surmised, or apologized for treating me disrespectfully when they witnessed my prognostications materializing and realized I only wanted to solve the problem they refused to (want to) recognize at the time.

YOW!

As I write this blog, I'm aware of one detail in my life that I neglected recently! I need to address it NOW in order for it not to mushroom into a problem (which precedes a crisis)!

Whew! Later!

Freedom and responsibility

Sometimes I feel responsible for things that I'm really not - just because I've been part of a project or situation.

I realized this afternoon that those who don't live up to their responsibilities only have further proof they won't ever need to fulfill their committments if someone always swoops in to complete their work for them.

Some might consider this "rescuing" a person or situation - when the fact is someone refusing to live up to his or her responsibilities doesn't need someone to take up their slack. They just need to be accountable for their actions or inactions.

It's not the same thing as helping someone who is ill, captive in a hospital or otherwise honestly incapacitated.

I've been known to rescue people and projects my whole career - in fact some people have paid me tidy sums to do this very thing for individuals and establishments.

But today I decided immediately after my lightbulb moment that I am not going to take over someone else's responsibilities when they are perfectly capable of doing the work themselves and just choose not to.

Suddenly and oddly, I was completely relieved when I thought, "It's their choice. I simply need to cut my losses."

Taking with me what worked; leaving behind what didn't.

Now I only work with savvy people who keep their word and fulfill their obligations - professionally, morally and ethically - to the project and others involved in its completion.

Instead of feeling guilty or disappointed, I'm experiencing a refreshing sense of freedom.

I'm walking away from a dysfunctional situation - turning off the lights as I leave - and running toward incredible new, substantial opportunities with some genuine, gifted and generous people for whom I've waited a lifetime to rendezvous.

Life rocks.

Living in - or for - the moment

Ava, the terrific young woman who takes care of my hair (which is a real task - my hair is very fine and I have NO idea what color it really is), told me she is worried about someone she cares for.

She's afraid he's going to end up in serious trouble - or worse - because of the way he lives. He makes careless choices, takes senseless chances and doesn't seem to understand or care about the consequences of his behavior - for himself or others.

"He's just living in the moment," she said.

"Aha," I responded, understanding this subject all too well.

"Actually he's living *for* the moment, not *in* the moment.

Here's what I mean:

When we live in the moment, we're completely aware and conscious of what we're doing, taking it all in, understanding the effect our behavior has on ourselves and others - short and long-term - as well as the consequences of our behavior.

We generally make choices that we believe are in our best interest - and we make those choices awarely. Aware of what we know, our experience, perhaps with the input of others and with a thought to how these action will affect ourselves, others and our future.

When we live for the moment? We do whatever we believe will fill the emptiness, entertain us, reach the short-term goal, get the girl (or boy) by trying to please them instead of being ourselves, or help us escape whatever we don't want to deal with. The excitement is always short-lived, however, and the down side is often a hefty bill to pay.

The live for the moment person has little or no regard for the effect their actions have on themselves or others - short or long-term. Most people who live for the moment are pretty unhappy, desperate, self-centered, narcissistic and ultimately self-destructive.

So much for the psychology.

As writers, actors and directors, we need to ascertain the degree to which our characters live in either - or both - or neither. That is, are they lulled and dulled into basically existing -- without really living at all?

In reality - people who live *for* the moment believe they are "attacking" life, but all too often they are actually attacking themselves, unwittingly hurting or killing themselves and others.

Addicts are a perfect example of people who live for the moment. For the hit. For the high. Without any consideration of the consequences of their actions on themselves or those around them.

Champion athletes who cheat with steroids live for the moment.

Champion athletes who don't cheat live in the moment.

I believe it's cool to be a champion person who doesn't cheat or make careless choices because we know how fantastic it feels to live *in* the moment and how good it feels to be reponsible for our actions.

By the way - this is a basic tenet of Buddhism: any decision you make awarely is a good one, no matter the outcome. Buddhism is a lot about doing the right thing - or what you believe is right and healthy - then not being attached to the outcome (how everything turns out).

Suspension of belief or disbelief?

My erstwhile webmaster questioned my use of the term "suspension of belief" and wondered if I ought to have said instead "suspension of disbelief."

I changed it in one instance, then thought: both are appropriate.

But I had to research my thought!

According to Wikipedia, "suspension of disbelief" refers primarily to the willingness of a reader or viewer to accept the premises of a work of fiction, even if they are fantastic or impossible.

In other words, we are willing to suspend our suspicious, questioning or disbelieving nature so we can overlook anything that interferes with the illusion - suspending our judgment in exchange for the promise of entertainment.

On the other hand (that's the Libra in me), there's plenty of evidence to support "belief:"

When we "suspend our belief" system, we put what we normally believe on hold when we immerse ourselves in a film, book or other piece of fiction - again, for the promise of entertainment!

Amazing how willing we are to deceive ourselves and rewire our powers of reason for the promise of entertainment.

I believe we're also willing to deceive ourselves for other reasons, but at least we're *aware* of suspending our belief/disbelief for the promise of entertainment.