The flip side

When I'm feeling "down," I tend to want to enjoy a little too much comfort food if I don't stay on top of my feelings.

When I remain aware of my pain and breathe through it, I understand I need to eat well in order to help those painful feelings pass a little more quickly than they would if I'm also feeling badly about how I'm treating my body.

I'm so not interested in those feelings of hurt and sadness hanging around a long time. I know they have to be experienced so I can get on the other side of them and back to peaceful and happy - and the only way to get on the other side is to go through them.

Interestingly, Buddhism declares that the reason - and degree to which - we suffer emotionally is caused by our attachment to things and people.

The more we are attached to someone or something, the more apt we are to experience deep sadness, agony and other miserable feelings with their separation.

It's not that we should be free of attachment, but that we rather hold anyone and anything for whom we care lovingly with an open hand rather than imagining that we need to be so close we share the same molecule.

It's sort of like loving unconditionally without stalking the other person or allowing ourselves to be abused, disrespected or neglected.

The point is - no one can be happy 100% of the time, and it's important that we understand how to deal with the flip side - sadness, disappointment, lethargy, gloom, misery, melancholy or heartbreak.

I've learned when we take care of ourselves - as hard as that is during times of woe, the downside passes more quickly. Ultimately. The more we have the courage to experience the pain hitting us instead of trying to avoid it or souping up on our vices - the faster it transports itself out of our system.

I've certainly gone through this process more than I'd care to admit, but have to say it works.

I also know that if it lasts too long, professional help should defintely be sought.

But for the majority, letting ourselves sit with the misery so it can move on instead of fighting it or simply trying to entertain ourselves "out" of it generally works wonders.

Sharing with friends is also a great way to help the unhappy energy pass through a little more quickly. The British expression is, "a problem shared is a problem halved."

I guess the reason it feels lifted is that when we acknowledge the pain and its cause, indentify it and say it out loud, we can release it. Then we can investigate and understand how it happened and how we can prevent it in the future. Or how we can repair the damage, which perhaps is the most healing thing we can do.

As the sadness dissipates, there's now room for good vibes to take their place, and it's important to be with people who can give us positive messages about ourselves.

It takes courage to deal with difficult feelings - and it takes a champion mentality to confront them and then reach out to make an effort to make amends.

Back to Buddhism.

I believe what they mean is that if we don't allow our identity to become so massively enmeshed in someone else's identity or work, when we run into bumps in the road they won't be so deep they outright paralyze us.

People will always disappoint us, sooner or later.

The degree to which we suffer from that disillusionment depends on how deeply we've allowed ourselves to become immersed in someone else's expectations, world, identification or personality.

This is known as "maintaining our personal boundaries." Again, it doesn't mean we remain aloof. Quite the contrary it means that we communicate freely and truthfully, can love openly and honestly without letting another person become our diety, putting them and their needs or wants ahead of or above us.

The relationship is free of fear.

Two people maintaining their personal identities and boundaries have a rich, sharing, wonderful life indeed because there is no fear of loving, sharing, being open or caring because we are constantly learning and healing ourselves and the other person being compassionately empathetic with them.

If we experience ourselves enmeshed in someone or something else, losing ourselves in them somehow -- we leave ourselves open to pretty horrific pain. And it's impossible to do a thing about anyone else's behavior. They either genuinely care or they don't.

When boundaries are maintained and we've shared honestly, openly, unselfishly - we can recognize the danger signs and do someothing about it nearly immediately.

Nothing can protect us ultimately from hurt, sadness and other agonizing emotions from which we must heal. But as long as we have an awareness of our feelings and tools to deal with them, they don't have to hurtle us into pandemonium or hell along with behavior that is other- or self-destructive.

Here's a big virtual blog hug if you're suffering. ;-)

Be well.

One major key to success ...

Chris Rock, recalling his early show biz days, said that he was the least funny stand-up comic in the group of comedians with whom he started.

"They were much funnier than I was," he told Oprah.

But what separated him, ultimately, from that talented bunch was his work ethic. He did his homework daily, diligently, faithfully.

Seeing themselves as funny, his pals didn't feel they needed to work as hard on their craft as Chris did.

So while they were out partying, Chris was busy working on finding his authentic voice, discovering and perfecting the minutiae and specifics of the craft so he could make us all laugh by telling us how he sees the world.

Ultimately, aside from a short stay on Saturday Night Live (which didn't do much for his career), he was able to hone his talent, writing and performing, to become the genuine genius we know and pay lots of money to laugh at/with today.

By comparison, it's clear that he hasn't devoted the same attention to studying camera acting for his films that he did stand-up comedy .. but if he did? Wow!

Meanwhile, his stand-up preparation story reminded me of camera acting classes I taught several years ago (today I generally only do special seminars and classes for the people who study with me one on one).

The noticably talented and more experienced people would come across much better than the total newbies and those who didn't seem as talented or who didn't know a thing about acting - let alone acting for the camera.

Because of this, the actors who thought they were better than "the rest" tended to slack off doing their homework, which I designed to help them build a strong foundation for all the work they would do in the future as well as teach them how to develop any type of material handed them, working for any visual medium.

The slackers made me reflect on my own experience as a kid in public school (that's private school for UK readers). If I felt I knew enough to skate (not do my homework and still get a good grade), I would.

That changed in college. Hugely.

But oh, my. I paid the price for not doing my homework when I was a kid and realized how much I cheated myself out of a lot of knowledge, especially building the crucial foundation of groundwork I would need for several college courses and, um, oh yeah - life.

Well, about halfway through the camera acting course I taught, the actors who had worked their butts off doing the homework started to surpass their talented classmates who had slacked off.

At this point, the talented folks started to recognize that "the rest" were doing better work than they were. And that the only difference between them was that the supposedly formerly lesser talented actors were doing the (boring, tedious to them) homework.

Trouble is, because the "lab work," as some came to call it, is organic and needs to be done almost daily in order to build on skills that grow naturally, concomitantly and exponentially, it was impossible to catch up.

You can't "catch up" by doing 100 push-ups if you were supposed to be doing 5 a day for 20 days to build strength and stamina.

Like a professional athlete has to work out properly and eat nutritiously every day to properly prepare to play for a sport. If those muscles are not exercised daily and built in a certain way, injury and incompetence can result.

Interestingly, I've discovered that many of the most successful artists with long careers I know and have read about were nerds in school - they established great work habits, did their homework and got good grades. This includes some who would prefer you thought they were raised in rough trade to get their "rap" street cred.

If you weren't - or are not - one of those kids, you can learn how to attain good work habits - there are lots of resources online, counselors at schools and books at the library to show you how.

It's never too late.

But before you do that - there has to be an unabiding desire to want to do the work - and to do it well. Then to keep growing personally and professionally because it's your passion.

It's not enough to want to be a star, an actor, rich and famous, or "somebody." It's not enough to want only to work.

The goal is to do your best.

For no other reason than to feel genuinely accomplished, content, proud and rewarded by knowing you've given it - whatever that is - your "all."

As I tell one of my talented clients, "Why settle for OK -- when you can do so much better?"

It's like asking, why would you settle for a life less lived when you're capable of making a difference - in someone else's life as well as your own.

Remember the best stories told are about ordinary people - doing extraordinary things.

"Ordinary" people - like Chris Rock. ;-)

Wanna take an *affordable* online Romantic screenplay writing class?

I've worked with Sally and can vouch for her dedication to empowering writers - her specialty is the romance genre (remember there's lots of hyphen genres that go with that, too -- the romcom - romantic comedy, romantic action, thriller romance, yanga yanga yanga).

Even though the course is designed for everyone - from beginners to professionals - *I'm* taking the course because Sally's such an expert in the genre I know I'll learn and receive lots of insights from her!

Here's the 4-1-1:

"Romantic Screenplays 101" Novelist-Editor-Screenwriter Sally J. Walker will walk you through an 8-Session course on the fundamentals you need to understand BEFORE you actually tackle a romantic screenplay.

This is not a course on formatting, screenwriting technicalities, fundamental concepts of screenwriting itself or how to adapt your novel to a screenplay. This is a course about "how to think" a romantic story in a cinematic structure. From essentials through character casting to plot outline, this experienced screenwriter and screenwriting TEACHER can explain the mental tools you need to create your own screenplay.

LESSON PLANS

May 3...........Fundamental Concepts of a Romantic Screenplay

May 7...........3 Approaches to Romantic Screenplays

May 10.........The Unique yet Universal Hero & Heroine and Cast

May 14.........Hollywood's Need for "Sex & Violence"

May 17.........Sexual Tension vs Plot Complications

May 21.........Considerations: Time-Place and Theme

May 24.........THE Romance as Main Plot or Subplot

May 29.........Plotting YOUR Romantic Structure

Lesson Format: Definitions, Elaboration, Examples, Definitive Directives, Concluding Exercises Sally's responses to posted questions will be shared with the entire student list.

Workshop Dates: May 1 -31, 2007

Pay-Pal registration Available RWA members: $20 Non-RWA: $25 (ALL monies to go to the Chapter)

NOTE: RWA is the Romantic Writer's Association, a nonprofit educational organization --cp

Send payments via Paypal to: cameowriters@yahoo.com

For Checks or Money Orders:

Send payments to:

CAMEO Writers Inc.
Lori Arnold-Mann
3763 So. 78th St.
Omaha, NE 68124

Check out the Instructor's Bio at http://members.cox.net/sallyjwalker

HEADS UP! A *fabulous* new online information resource!

As any online researcher knows, as great as wikipedia has been for a basic information resource for the majority of so many subjects, there have been some serious accuracy problems because of hackers and contributors who were either biased, incorrectly or poorly informed about the subject they posted.

Wikipedia's system allows just about anyone to contribute or edit articles in its resource service.

To correct the errors brought about by wikipedia's vulnerable contributing and editing systems, Larry Sanger, who helped establish wikipedia -- is out to correct its systemic accuracy and vulnerability problems by establishing the new citizendium!

Citizendium, "a citizen's compedium of everything," has stringent rules for contributors and editors so both accuracy and being the world's largest information resource are its equally primary functions.

Read the full story here.

I'm very excited about the establishment of citizendium.

While, as you know, I have extensively used wikipedia articles for references, I've also had to exclude them when I've questioned or been aware of more or better information about a subject.

Citizendium is already online and underway. If you're an expert on any subject or a qualified editor - contact them to have your work or information included at citizendium.

Within months, I expect it to exceed wikipedia's use because of its elevated credibility and the increased measures taken to protect its content.

Outfoxing a kitten

My kitten, Allie Cat, kept going where she ought not - in the bathtub.

The cleaning substances we've used on the tub make it a very unhealthy place for any animal to lick, which they tend to want to do for some odd reason.

There is plenty of water to drink in two separate places in my house but she still headed toward the tub.

Well, cats *hate* citrus and pepper.

So I generously sprinkled black pepper on the side of the tub and where she would land if she jumped in.

She approached the side of the peppered tub, sniffing the objectionable flakes at least a couple times the first day - gingerly setting her paw on it. Suddenly she realized she touched something she discovered to be awful because she had to lick it off.
She sniffed at the tub's side twice the next day, leaving it immediately, not bothering to put her paw on the pepper; once the third day and has not gone near it since.

I'll keep it on the tub's side another week because she may want to test it another time or two, after which I'll brush it off - and never be concerned about her going near it again.

If there's anything I don't want her to go near, I just sprinkle pepper on and/or around it. The hotter the pepper flakes (like those you use on pizza) the more offensive it is to cats and the longer lasting it is if it's used outside where it can be rained on or blown away.

FYI, kitten and cat owners.

I don't know if it works as well for dogs, because mine don't get into things they shouldn't - at least yet - so I haven't put it anywhere I need them to avoid. But I can say they haven't gone near the peppered tub!

Best reality show: Meerkat Manor

Sean Astin narrates the US version of this fascinating series - the video outcome of following a meerkat "mob" (family, "gang") nicknamed the "Whiskers" for several years - on the Animal Planet network.

Meerkat Manor hits just the right medium between anthropomorphism and objective observation to captivate, entertain and educate us about the lifestyle and day to day life and death challenges of this intriguing group of Kalahari Desert inhabitants, in their underground burrows as well as on terra firma.

The upbeat, light Disney-ish music that accompanies the programs is misleading, because when I say it takes us through all the family (functional and dysfunctional) issues as well as the challenge of surviving the formidable environment of the South African desert, I mean all.

As cute as these 12-inch mammals might be, they experience everything we see on dramas starring human beings - and more. Small children might find it a little too intense and I'd suggest that kids in general see it in the company of an adult to further explain what they're watching.

Especially since we come to know each member of the family as he or she moves through the day fielding predators (including members of their own mob!), finding food, protecting their pups and of course "romance" -- but not everyone survives.

One production value I appreciate about Meerkat Manor is that unlike human participants who have been screened and "cast;" individuals craving exposure who can manipulate their personas in an attempt to be seen in a certain light by the audience or producers, or who can be manipulated by producers to do this or that in order to boost ratings in a "reality" show, these characters are not actors.

In fact, because they're animals they don't care about audiences or television; they've absolutely unaware of fame, fortune, becoming "someone," religious groups who object to having pups out of wedlock, photo ops, parlaying this opportunity into a record or movie deal, trying to get a paw in the show biz door, yadda yadda yadda.

They just do what they do and have no idea that someone is watching them. No teeth whitening or veneers, "lifts," extensive workouts to take off that last ten pounds, publicists, agents or stylists.

Perhaps what is so enticing to us about watching these animals is that they often reflect our own image -- frequently walking on two legs, while still using all four limbs and their tail to get around and use as building tools.

So if the standard soap opera elements of hanky panky, feuds, reunions, rivalries, friends, enemies, danger, intrigue, neighbor problems, strong family values ( ;-), threats, victims, death, babies, literally climbing the food chain, heroes, failure and success among these engaging animals make for good television viewing in your home? I'd suggest you tune in.

Wikipedia has a complete breakdown of all the families, their members and personalities here.

I find myself watching episodes more than once (or twice or three times, actually); hardcore fans buy the DVD's.

And there's more to come! The third season of 13 episodes is being completed for UK viewers - the rest of the world will catch up. And if the international popularity of this series continues, I believe we can count on more seasons after number three as well!

Are you happy? (part deux)

Responses* to yesterday's happiness essay were twofold:

First fold: spot on! Great blog! So true!

The second fold is the subject of this blog.

It's the concern that sometimes we indulge ourselves in the delusion that happiness is an excuse to do nothing. To simply accept everything going on around us no matter how dysfunctional, abusive or empty.

Um, no.

Genuine happiness means we know and are pleased with who we are, how we treat others and are treated and how we live. That doesn't happen if we passively let life happen without participating, therefore letting life itself pass us by.

In fact, the reason I believe that happiness should be such an important component of our lives is because when we are happy - we are true to ourselves, we're energized, we excel, we are industrious, we are caring, generous and loving, we are forgiving, we do what we were put on earth to do - for ourselves and others.

Fundamental happiness is created when we dig in, discover who we are (our true identity) - like and even love the person we find - recognize our life's passion, determine how we want to live, the type of people with whom we want to surround ourselves and how we would define our personal state of joy.

None of which necessarily comes easily or without cost.

True happiness takes courage.

Don't like your job? It's making you unhappy and you wish you could quit. Think of the courage it takes to speak up, to try creating a more positive atmosphere, better personal interactions and performing tasks in a way that would not only make you happy but please your coworkers and boss?

Most people would rather stand by and allow whatever miserable developments take place - and remain unhappy; quitely accepting a miserable working circumstance; waiting nervously to be laid off or transferred.

The worst dilemma takes place when there is a buyout.

A medium-sized local company - where employees were over the moon happy - was bought out by a very large company with the promise that the healthy positive working culture would continue as usual.

Loyalty and hard work were supported 100% by every employee at the company being bought out because they were included in all decisions that would affect them, people were allowed to be creative and were actually rewarded for speaking up about problems they saw or were concerned would grow. The very reasons the company grew so much, so quickly.

The pitch was that the financial support from the mega-corporation would only boost business, create more possibilities to be innovative, expand the number of employees, yadda yadda yadda.

I warned someone working at the local company that the buyout corporation has a wretched reputation of being greedy, cold, inconsiderate of non-executive employees and having serious customer service problems.

Despite that, my friend told me they were "guaranteed" that the fantastic working conditions, creativity and freedom at the company would continue. As usual.

Ouch. I knew avoiding the truth would leave everyone consummately unhappy. The mega corporation has a reputation of not just buying out companies, but of crushing them.

Sure enough, the megacorporation changed a healthy working environment from literally feeling lucky to show up for work (on time) into fear; employees no longer felt important or part of the process but just lackys expected to execute orders - and not very interesting tasks at that.

Mega corporation executives who knew nothing about the smaller, successful company or its culture were placed in key positions and dragged it down rapidly with their inappropriate rules and treatment of the employees. And last, but not least, these formerly happy workers found themselves fielding ridiculous customer complaints they never had to deal with as part of the original business.

The quagmire: whether to continue unhappily, to challenge The Powers That Be (which was seen as useless or they may be seen as a "complainer" or "troublemaker") or to quit.

Having experienced a genuinely healthy, happy working situation before the buyout, the vast majority quit.

Not everyone found employment right away - some remained happily unemployed until they could find a new position at a healthy enterprise; some became entrepreneurs, creating their own businesses - willing to ride the rough tide as they worked to establish themselves pursuing their passion.

In short, they loved themselves enough to find their passion, to love what they do, who they are with and how they live.

If simply showing up to do the tasks assigned for money so you can go home and live a rich, rewarding life makes you happy? Kewl. That's your definition of a happy life and you're living it!

Of course the same is true of relationships.

It can feel way easier to live from day to day without paying attention to your needs, wants or desires; without paying attention to your partner's needs, wants and desires; or without paying attention to your relationship's needs, wants and desires.

While you might present yourselves to the world as "happy," you know exactly what is going on behind closed doors.

I don't feel lonely. That is, I don't need to be around people to feel OK or not alone.

However, the only time I did feel lonely was when I was in a dysfunctional relationship. I felt extremely alone and unhappy.

It takes tremendous courage to step up and discuss these matters because it may mean the termination of the relationship.

True, but it can also work the other way. It can strengthen the relationship if both people are equally as invested in the relationship - finding new ways to make each other and themselves comforted and happy.

I confronted a relationship in which I lost trust - a relationship I did not want to lose, but the thought of being treated in a way I experienced as neglectful, untruthful and disrespectful was worse.

The relationship ended.

After grieving its loss, I found myself surrounded with people I not only trust, but who treat me very well, indeed.

I've also discovered happiness is dynamic.

The more we understand it, the more successful we can become at re-defining what happiness is, how it feels and what it looks like.

Being in touch with ourselves and our feelings can give us the courage to seek what we need to be happy - finding and living our passion and enjoying the company of others who share those values.

Caveat: The one person whom I have known to never recover from trauma and unhappiness is the adult who loses a child. No matter the age of the child, no matter the reason. To them, I can only say I hope you find some comfort in this lifetime before you, hopefully, join your child in a more peaceful, loving place.

*Please feel free to respond to my blogs by clicking on "comment." Thanks for the emails - they are wonderful! But feel free to share your thoughts with the community as well. Incredible readers from 68 nations read my blog!

Are you happy?

Happiness has been the subject of discussion, research and philosophy throughout history.

The US is the only nation in the world that defines "the pursuit of happiness" as not only a constitutional objective, but an inalienable right for citizens.

Many cultures do not consider happiness a goal in life, let alone a "right," but only something that happens here and there - almost incidentally or coincidentally.

I believe happiness is an attitude we can all achieve - anyone, in any circumstance.

That's precisely the message in Roberto Benigni's 1997 Academy Award-winning film Life Is Beautiful (La vita è bella), which told the story of an Italian Jew helping his son live happily and carefree through the family's concentration camp incarceration during the holocaust.

People for whom happiness is a true goal live with the intent to be happy, they pay attention and figure out ways they can help themselves live happily where they are and in their circumstances and they take action, step by step, learning how to be or become happy most of the time.

Starting from a foundation of that desire helps build a lifestyle that develops for them in a positive, spiritual and grounded way.

One place you may want to start is the University of Pennsylvania's Happiness Project.

Each of us has a different definition of happiness, just as we have individual understandings of success. In order to become happy, each of us in our own way, we have to declare exactly what happiness is to us, what it means, what it feels and looks like.

Then figure out how to make that dream become a reality. Little bit by little bit.

The most interesting part of the journey for me is that while I've had to work hard to learn how to be happy - I can sit back and enjoy the benefits now.

I recently realized that being happy and positive has been a firm goal, a dream and literal prayer for me since I was quite a young child. And for reasons too many to mention I had to create it on my own.

Which in hindsight I do not mind at all.

And it's all been worth it.

Today I wish for you true happiness - exactly the way you define it and want to live it, with the very people you are happy to surround yourself!

"Growing up too fast"

There are several news stories out now in newspapers, TV and radio about protecting kids from "growing up too fast" - from being exposed to - and partaking in - drugs, alcohol and violence.

But ask any psychologist, psychiatrist or counselor: engaging in these activities and abusing mood-altering chemicals at a young age results in preventing an individual from growing up.

They actually keep us immature.

Significant steps in our maturation stop literally the day a child takes his or her first drink, drug or is severly traumatized by violence. Addiction is much more likely to occur if a kid takes a drink or drug at a younger age.

According to Robert Downey Jr., his father gave him his first hit of marijuana when he was 8 years old and was allowed to partake in addictive substances, including alcohol, as a child. According to addiction experts, children and women are more easily addicted to alcohol and drugs because of their physiology than adult men.

And addiction is no stranger to grown men.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, a noted child psychiatrist I interviewed from Seattle's Children's Hosptial and Medical Center told me the way children can recover from even the most traumatic experiences is to talk about their feelings.

However, addictions prevent abusers from processing - recognizing and talking about - memories or feelings in order to mature. When kids aren't taught systems with which to handle negative emotions or experiences, the fallout from those feelings and troubles can linger and fester - harming the individual's ability to deal effectively with life's ups and downs as well as blocking a significant part of the emotional and intellectual maturation process.

Several adult friends of mine regret ever lighting up that first cigarette or joint, or abusing alcohol. Not because they ever got "hooked" or addicted, nor were these "gateway" drugs ("lighter" drugs that lead to hard drug abuse) or because their lives were in any way messed up or ruined by them, but because they simply were not necessary.

They only took time away from the clarity they enjoy now not taking any mind-altering substances - especially the misery and time it took to quit smoking!

I'm one of them. What a waste of time. Even though I started when I was a young adult and not a kid, and quit smoking and drinking decades ago, I still wish I had never started. I'm someone who wants to make the most of her life; chemicals don't enhance that experience for me - they detract from it.

It's probably impossible to convince youngsters how much of their youth is robbed by sucking up cigarettes and booze or taking drugs because they mistakingly believe abusing drugs and alcohol is a sign of maturity - where in fact it is a sign of immaturity.

It's immature to get behind the wheel of a one-ton lethal weapon after drinking or drugging.

It's immature to escape feelings and refusing to grow up drinking and drugging.

It's immature to instigate violence.

Violence not only enforces simplistic, ineffective solutions for complex problems, but witnessing violence traumatizes not just those who experience it, but even those who execute it; those doing the shooting and hurting others.

Why do you think there are so many soldiers - who firmly believe they're doing the right thing - suffering from post traumatic stress disorder?

Again, from all I've seen and experienced, smoking, drinking, drugs and violence keeps those parts of us that have not developed immature. Literally preventing us from becoming all we can become, all we can genuinely experience in order to live life fully.

It always makes me laugh when notorious alcoholics and drug addicts die and are described as people who "lived life to the fullest."

Um, no. Drugs, alcohol and violence actually prevent us from living life fully - I mean, what good is having a "great time" if we can't remember it or suffer the sickness of a hangover the next day or two or three after - preventing us from doing anything except recovering?

Or suffer from life-altering injuries, severe trauma, are killed or put in jail because of violent acts?

It's true of artists. Who can create honestly, love openly, share our talent fully, if we're "under the influence" that prevents us from accessing our deepest thoughts and feelings.

An interesting study in Canada revealed that great artists don't do great work while they were under the influence or suffering from depression or bipolar disorder, but in fact when they were free from those things - lucid, sober and not distracted by demons.

However, because those experiences tended to be their most vivid and recent memories, that is what they tend to create in their work - painting, writing, and so on.

You may consider these things when you are creating characters as a writer, actor or director.

To be clear - I personally don't care if adults imbibe or partake of anything they choose as long as they don't endanger anyone else as they do it.

However you choose to define living your life to its fullest and being genuinely happy - whatever that is - is just right for you.

It is your body, your mind, your life.

I thought you might find these thoughts interesting.

FX Network: an embarrassment of (The) Riches

Another home run, hit way over the fence, has been scored by the FX Network as it airs The Riches, a sensational new drama starring Minnie Driver and Eddie Izzard.

More, the remarkable Margo Martindale co-stars! When I see Margo in any cast, I always pay special attention, since she seems to restrict her appearances to the highest quality projects - TV and film.

Basically, it's Beverly Hillbillies on steroids.

As wise as these Travellers are in the ways of their dark world - stealing, conning and other nefarious criminal behavior, they have a lot to learn about living a clean, "normal" life.

Basically they do wicked things, having to make major adjustments to live a legal and "idyllic" prosperous lifestyle - learning to live without the paranoia of looking over their shoulders for the long arm of the law or people they've ripped off.

American communities and the nation itself have many notable, wealthy families whose ancestors started out performing questionable and in some cases outright illegal acts to amass their fortunes, so in its own way, it's a "history repeating itself" story of an American family that decides to live the American Dream.

A sort of ragamuffins-to-riches story.

As in their criminal life, the people who interact with them believe them to be exactly who they claim to be; only in this case, without realizing it, they will actually become whom they claim to be!

It's like "living as if" until whatever you really want to do becomes real.

Fascinating story, top performances, top writing (Dmitry Lipkin) and production (Dmitry Lipkin, Eddie Izzard).

While there are some great dramas on broadcast and cable networks here and there, FX seems to be investing in some sensational, quality viewing with each new outing these days.

What is FX trying to do, give TV drama a good name?

What is love, actually?

Richard Curtis' film Love, Actually has me thinking a lot about the subject.

Flawed as it is, the film draws many sides of the faces of love.

Curtis writes a lot about the up sides of romantic love - his prior films being Four Weddings and a Funeral and Notting Hill.

If you are a faithful reader of my blog, you know I do not. For lots of reasons, one of which is that I'm pretty private about such matters.

But I was recently assigned to write a love poem for a poetry class I'm taking. I emailed it to another writer-classmate to take to the class for me since I had to work during the session that day.

Interestingly the writer-courier read it aloud to her husband before she left for the class.

And ... told me ... that ... because of this poem (can you believe it?) she was .. um .. late .. for .. class. They ... ah ... were inspired to take ... a moment ... to ... um ... how does one say? Reconnect ... after reciting ..

Moving on.

Mind you, I'm not a real poet like my best mate and writing coachee John Beresford, but here's what I wrote that was not only the inspiration for an afternoon delight (!) but also won a resounding round of praise from the teacher and class in my absence.

Real Love
by
Colleen Patrick

So much is written
When we‘re smitten
About love - it’s celestial glory
Not its end – a very different story

Hearts soar
Hormones roar
Make love on the floor
Desire ignites your deepest core

At last, you are somebody
In somebody else’s eyes
An awe-inspiring identity
Anyone would prize

You think about her all day
You dream about him all night
You picture the wedding
A spectacular sight

That is, unless you’re gay
Then it’s a union
For which you must pay
Still, it’s “our special day”

But so many months later
When your mind is thinking straighter
You wonder how you came to hate her
That facial tick – why’d you ever date her

You hope this time it’s going to stick
The thought of him won’t make you sick
He’s a catch, his clothes are slick
He loves you back, and it’s no trick

Respect and esteem grow
It must be your fate
You do what you know
To make her feel great

Day after day you care
You build, you arrange
You dare and you bare
Your soul, feeling strange

Yet one memory at a time
You create and you store
Hoping in your prime
You’ll make so many more

Love is not feeling divine
Or a thought at valentine
Or an amorous notion
Even a wish for devotion

Real love isn’t a dance
A trance
Built during a reverie
A romantic brewery

Nope, not even by a fraction
Real love? Real love is an action
A note, a caress, washing dishes, cooking dinner
Tell me I’m beautiful and that I look thinner

Oscar's Farewell

Life Savers

by Colleen Patrick

He came into my life
All four pounds
Enduring so much strife
Damned puppy mill grounds

Nearly twelve years ago I was
I was low as low could be
Anti depressants and all because
A futile depression enveloped me

Don’t ask me why
When this little guy
Caught my eye
I couldn’t say good-bye

A soul encompassing my own
That wee sable pup
So angry, vicious and alone
Except with me - he completely warmed up

In the car – his very first drive
He couldn’t get close enough
He was so sweet, he seemed to thrive
Alas, with others he would only act tough

We arrived home
With nary a bone
But he didn’t moan
He got an ice cream cone

Eight months old
Living years of neglect
And misery untold
Memories he’d forever reflect

I took him to a vet
Who told me to forget
Him - "Get a healthy pet
He’s a wreck -" and yet

Despite his horrendous mind/body plight
So much that couldn’t ever be made right
The one thing I couldn’t fight
Between him and me? It was love at first sight

And so I struggled for two years
To train my little social misfit
Whose temper sent fears
Into grown men with grit

He became a perfect gentleman
Walking proudly around the lake
People even became fans
Stopping us for pictures to take

He was the IT factor
And a smile magnet
Not a single detractor
Where ever we went

All the games we played
And his farts – oy vey!
Wallpaper peeled
Noses needed a shield

When did he get old
I really don’t want to recall
He started falling in the cold
Then one day couldn’t walk at all

I don’t mind carrying him around
All five and a half pounds
This little furry mound
His shirt pulled down

Those eyes have somehow lost a light
Though he watches me every waking minute
Those big brown eyes once clear and bright
So loving, his heart has reached its limit

As he moves around, he limps and he trips
His little heart murmurs, his neck and hips
Rife with arthritis; his aging bladder drips
His seizures frequent, as he stands, he slips

I can’t let him live in pain or misery
Oblivious as he is - as long as he’s with me
I hold him closer now for it's the end I see
Instead of once I kiss him three

Sweet Pomeranian kisses
They number in the millions
His head against my cheek
There were not many misses

Ah the stories I could tell
Of the little wild man I tamed
And the reason that I named
Him Oscar

Being a director and screenwriter
I thought my future would be brighter
When asked if I have an Oscar thirst
I smile and say I already have my first

I shall weep inconsolably just for today
I can’t bear the thought of being without him
Or empty nights I can’t pet or play
With my smiling furry boy at my slightest whim

But this isn’t about me, it’s for him I pray
So his final days will be filled with joy
And laughter and cuddles – we’ll pah-tay
So he can leave this earth one happy little boy

I will only say au revoir, I cannot say adieu
I’ll snuggle him tight as he takes his last breath
The last words he’ll hear will be simply thank you
I'm right here, loving you at your time of death

Triangulation

Triangulation is what happens when a third person is pulled into a situation that initially involved just two people.

There are healthy and unhealthy reasons and ways to triangulate.

First, the unhealthy.

Triangulation done in the nature of gossip, backbiting, dishonesty, manipulation, harming reputations with false information or other karma-messing actions always comes back to rip one's psychological face off, sooner or later.

It's nature's way of balancing energy.

The folks who indulge in this do it from a state of fear. Fear of not belonging, being enough, doing enough, knowing enough and basic insecurity. After the negative triangulation, the triangulator generally feels a false sense of power, control or "being included" when they spread "information" about someone that may be confidential, inaccurate, half-true or even untrue.

Sometimes people who triangulate don't actually know what they're saying *is* harmful, necessarily confidential or untrue because they're not aware of the truth or the destruction they are causing; the poison they spread without considering the consequences. They sometimes convince themselves the end is worth whatever means they employ.

Lots of people who want to feel or appear to be in charge might triangulate in an attempt to use the information as leverage to manipulate others to seek more power - maintain a position or go for that promotion.

And it works - too often - until the truth gets out, and it always does, sooner or later.

Then .. ouch.

Credibility suffers or is outright demolished.

Just read about all the Bush administration appointees going to jail because they illegally indulged in triangulation.

Likewise, people who can't handle stress if they feel caught in the middle of a situation might also do this to relieve themselves of the pressure they experience - whether or not it is actually a stressful situation.

It may not be a genuinely stressful situation, but the person still experiences stress and wants to get out from under it.

Again, what they say in order to get out from under may not even be accurate or true but a misperception. Still, a great, if temporary relief is experienced.

And beware the person who speaks poorly of others, not taking responsibility for their own behavior, for they shall do it about you sooner or later, with or without any reason.

Pity the person drawn into this sort of triangulation without researching the information they've been handed, for they shall suffer mightily when they discover the truth.

And remember, triangulation spreads like a blanket of cockroaches in the night - one person triangulates; that triangle suddenly turns in to a hundred triangles and the "information" spreads.

Mind you, this is the basis of all sorts of great and painful drama over the millennia in plays, films, books, etc., - so if you like trauma drama in your life? You might be a triangulator...

Likewise, writers count on triangulation for all sorts of character machinations in their work.

Healthy triangulation:

If you're having trouble in your relationship, on the job or with another individual or group, you may choose to speak with a coach, counselor, psychologist, priest, parent, teacher, rabbi or minister.

If you're having difficulties with a legal business relationship, you may want to talk with the business's attorney.

Just be certain the counselor or the attorney won't triangulate and inappropriately share your confidential information with others involved in the situation!

It shouldn't happen, but believe me, it does, and the ramifications are sad, indeed!

Seeking assistance, help or guidance from a reliable source to solve a problem is seen as a healthy and positive triangulation. Or filling someone in on the truth of what has been falsely said about them may also be a healthy triangulation if they can set the record straight or prove their innocence.

OTOH, inappropriately sharing personal or inappropriate information about others is pretty unhealthy - and is usually guaranteed to create a karmic collision down the line because problems only build when someone tries to push a personal agenda or needs to hurt others in order to build themselves up for reasons of personal insecurity.

I've been around people like this over the years and always keep out of their way because I know what's ahead if they don't clean up their spilled milk. Left to fester, that karma crash happens, sooner or later, when they least expect it.

Here's hoping it *never* happens to you!

Keep your karma clean! :-)

NYC actors!

I've received several phone calls from actors in New York City interested in me coaching them there in person (I already coach two folks there long distance).

If you're interested in me coaching you in NYC, please email me -- cpcontacts@comcast.net --your contact information and what sort of coaching you'd like to receive.

I'm going to be making a trip to the Big Apple to coach actors who have contacted me as soon as my schedule permits!

Changing the world 1 positive reinforcement at a time!

As a coach, I love to learn how people have taught themselves to do things they thought beyond their reach, ability, willpower or capacity.

Lots of folks talk and write about changes they've made, but most of them don't last. They're merely short-term transitions rather than long term transformations. And there's usually lots more to the story than they're telling - and it's not positive.

Recently Carnie Wilson told Oprah Winfrey that after dropping more than 150 pounds after serious weight loss surgery and telling everyone how great it was to be slender? Behind the scenes she became a raging alcoholic - stopping after several years only because her husband gave her an ultimatum to quit drinking or he would leave her.

So many others have similar stories of temporary "recovery" from all sorts of addictions, destructive and self-destructive behaviors -- and after their seemingly astonishing success, they return to identical or worse self and other-abusive behavior. Often repeating this cycle more than once.

No more public example of this is Oprah herself.

So what can make for a successful learning experience that lasts?

And lasts and lasts?

The Seattle Times recently ran a story about a woman who lost weight because she loved herself enough to eat properly and exercise.

She realized the reason she initially tried to lose weight was because she hated herself - the way she looked and felt, the way she believed others perceived her.

But all the methods she tried, again and again, failed. So she beat herself up for 1) being fat, 2) looking the way she did, 3) feeling incapable of becoming who she wanted to be and finally, 4) feeling like a failure.

Until she decided she would eat well and exercise because she loved herself enough to be good to herself and accept herself unconditionally. She dedicated herself to learn how to do what's best for her body and soul, giving herself positive reinforcement every step of the way.

So all these years later, the 60 pounds is still off - a distant memory - because she kept giving herself positive reinforcement, support and appreciation for who she was and everything she did to love herself.

Negative reinforcement doesn't work because it's done to prevent perceived and real abuse or punishment of some sort. The change is usually instant and fleeting.

Positive reinforcement works in the long run 100%.

In my experience, it takes longer to establish a solid ground work and system of individual positive reinforcement from which to work and grow. But once it's solid? It sticks.

Unfortunately, some people are actually uncomfortable with positive reinforcement - they believe unless you're smacking them upside the head they aren't being "pushed" enough.

Others don't believe they're worthy of such good treatment.

One of my coaching techniques is to say a word, then have my client say whatever that word inspires. After they respond, no matter what they say, I respond, "Good."

It's meant to inspire confidence for whatever their response might be, to build a sense that their response is just fine - they don't have to "edit" themselves in order to be "approved."

Here's how it works:

CP: Wood.
Client: Shed.
CP: Good!

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

It's amazing how terrifically it makes people feel to do this exercise even for a few minutes.

I then suggest they tell themselves, "Good job!" a million times a day - for every tiny little success they achieve.

Like this:

You finish brushing your teeth. "Good job!"
You wash your hands. "Good job!"
You arrive at a destination, accident-free. "Good job!"
You pay a bill. "Good job!"
You mail the bill. "Good job!"
You find that (something) you've been looking for. "Good job!"
You help your kid with homework. "Good job!"
You make a healthy choice at a meal. "Good job!"
You practice piano. "Good job!"
You sing! "Good job!"
You take a walk - even if it's inside your apartment. "Good job!"
You decide to do something to spiff up your relationship. "Good job!"
You actually do something to spiff up your relationship. "Good job!"
You decide to leave an unhealthy relationshp. "Good job!"
You actually leave that unhealthy relationship. "Good job!"
You do one part of your acting homework. "Good job!"
Make a list of your own of things to which you can respond. "Good job!"

You read my blog? "Good job!" ;-)

Look where you WANT to go!

I met someone at a dinner party recently who had the opportunity to take a course in race car driving - one lesson of which she takes with her through life now.

Basically, when a race car driver sees himself heading toward a collision, he must not look in the direction of the oncoming crash, but instead at where he wants to go to prevent the accident!

My dinner companion said she was certain she could do it. She understood its reasoning, how it would indeed prevent a tragedy and how effective the idea is for racing and for living.

But when she found herself behind the wheel of a simulated race car on the track, as she was barrellng toward a brick wall, she was paralyzed, staring at the oncoming barricade, caught like a deer in headlights.

The pro driver/teacher sitting beside her actually pushed her face toward where she needed to go to prevent the simulated smash-up.

"Look where you *want* to go, not where you're going," he admonished her.

Impressive advice.

I thought of all the times I had simply looked straight ahead unconsciously at where I was already going rather than awarely viewing - surveying - where I really wanted to go.

I'm very good about taking in the world around me when I take a walk, go for a ferry ride, hike, and drive. As Sherlock Holmes would put it, I like to observe rather than only see.

But to make a concerted effort to see and observe where I want to go, what I want to do? This concept is not just a way to live past a potential pile-up literally, but a great philosophy.

Let's say you're working as a plumber and where you really want to go - what you really want to do - is become a singer.

So instead of staring directly ahead at plumbing work day after day and feeling stuck there, you start looking where you want to go while still using your plumbing skills to keep you on the road.
You take voice lessons, study music, watch/listen to your favorite artists, perform at open mikes, network with pro's and work your way up the live performance and recording food chain, kicking off your career.

Or who knows? You may find something else along the way that turns you on even more because you're looking for how you want to feel as well as where you want to go!

In relationships, work, hobbies, special interests, volunteer opportunities, weight loss, releasing addictions, or life in general: are you aware of where you want to go? Looking in that direction? Keeping an eye out to find your personal passion or fulfilling work if you aren't sure what it is now?

Or are you gazing straight ahead, unaware where you're going or why, simply letting life happen to you without considering what else living may offer you - or what you have to offer yourself and the world?

There are times I have to remember to push my face in the direction I want to go because sometimes it's easier to keep marching straight ahead without listening to myself, becoming lost in the din of the world's white noise.

Then I realize if I don't give myself the opportunity to at least glance in the direction I want to go, no matter how difficult that might be, the only collision I have to worry about is running into myself.

Everyday heroes

I'm coaching a really special guy.

He's a newbie stand-up comic and he's going to make a significant splash when he starts hitting the major clubs.

I've mostly been working with his writing, since he's got a lot of natural presentation talent and just needs some technical direction here and there.

His name is Earl (really!) and what makes him so special is his point of view, his increasingly fantastic writing and sense of humor.

Like all great comics, he talks about his life and how he experiences it - its sense and nonsense. And how others perceive him and his life.

There's nothing phony about Earl - and he doesn't scream or push his material on us desperately trying to entertain.

He just talks to us, telling us his truth. His whole, unvarnished truth.

Deal is, Earl has a bizarre, rare, debilitating, excruciatingly painful terminal illness.

Syringomyelia.

The *perfect* time to create a new career!

"They" said he'd be in a wheel chair long before now, but guess what? He's still strutting his stuff on his two legs; he'll be hitting stages around Seattle first, then I have no doubt he'll make his way up the stand-up food chain sooner than most!

For no other reason than the guy is hysterical!

I'll announce his first paid gig on my home page.

I also have no doubt he will get his life's wish (hopefully decades from now) - to die laughing.

That's the bad news.

The good news?

He's taking us with him!

Want to be a writer?

The way to become a writer is simple.

Not easy, but simple.

Write.

That's it.

Write.

If you can write only one minute a day - creating your own work or copying someone else's (ONLY as an exercise! Not for publication!) - start writing. You can build from there.

The only way to write and get better at writing is to write.

Taking class after class of how to write, reading a bazillion books teaching you how to write, and watching every CD or DVD on the subject will NOT help you become a great, successful or accomplished writer.

Only writing and writing and writing will do that.

I know lots of people who have spent thousands of dollars on classes, books, CD's and DVD's about writing - but all it did was confuse them or make them feel like they were doing something to actually create a life of being a writer ... without writing.

Lots of professional writers check out these contributions to their craft for new insights or to support a friend's writing project, but not place of of writing every day!

Books, classes, CD's, etc., are fine as long as you continue to write, write, write.

It's the only way one succeeds at anything.

I write this today because I'm working with a couple of people who have been writing for awhile under my tutalege whose work is really kicking into high gear, these wordsmiths have become very professional. One of whom has already been making money for his writing for several months.

Recently he told me, "You know, there's really something to what you said about becoming a good writer. The more you do the better you get."

Um, right.

He's very excited about his future as a writer and he should be.

My other writer is a kiss away from being qualified to get a newswriting job at any major market TV station.

I'm delighted. And it all stems from the drive and willingness to do what it takes to write as much as they must to continue to improve the quality of their work.

When people realize what I do, they inevitably tell me they've "always wanted" to write a book or screenplay or article.

It's not enough to want to do anything. The only thing that makes it happen in real life is to write.

And write and write and write.

Oh, and reading tons of good stuff doesn't hurt, either. Especially if you find someone who creates work that you're *crazy* about!

Hopefully? One day that person whose writing you love will be *you!*

Getting organized!

Back when I was kicking cancer to the curb and enduring chemotherapy treatments, two women came to my house to clean it periodically since I was pretty useless - I had no energy after my coaching sessions.

I worked all but the last month of my treatment, when I had to surrender to the orders of my oncology nurse and doc and just rest.

But before these wonderful women would come over, I'd always feel obligated to at least get the place spiffed up enough so they wouldn't think I was a complete slob!

With every stitch of energy I had, I'd straighten, clean and polish, preparing for them!

Between my work and theirs, the place looked pretty decent.

Recently, my friend and coachee Shannon worked hard to get my den tidy, organized and rehabilitated .. it went from a place that was so full of "stuff" that people would enter at their own risk. We still don't know who that skeleton was we found under that stack of videos... ;-)

In preparation for a meeting I was to have with someone who agreed to help organize the entire studio area, den and files setup, I uber streamlined the place and the tasks so we could breeze through the day, restructuring, straighten and systemitize.

Turns out he didn't come.

But because I had done so much prep work anticipating what we were going to do, the day turned out to be quite fun, taking care of business and setting up my place so I can work effortlessly.

Shannon, another person and I will resume our restructuring and streamlining work on a more formal basis soon - which will be pretty exciting and fun for the three of us!

Point is, when we give ourselves a reason or a deadline to do something we know needs to be done, but seems a little overwhelming when we think of doing it? It certainly motivates me to take care of business in a way that makes it feel doable if I think someone is coming over at a certain time for a specific purpose.

I also broke the tasks down to make sure I'd get everything ready and done in time.

The upshot: the place is much more organized, my files set up and organized!

OK, call me crazy, but I thought - we can also *imagine* someone is coming over to motivate us to get things done. You know, your mother or someone you know you have to get everything in place for so they don't raise *that* eyebrow!

Wha'evah works, right?

Anyway, now I'm set up for meetings I'll be taking here over the next several weeks and don't have to worry about the state of its organization!

I am *on fire!*

OK, this is not meant to sound at all as if I am bragging - I'm just telling you how I feel and why, honest.

But WOW!

Even though I have so many irons in the fire, my camera acting coaching practice is phenomenal - which means that my actors are doing fantastically!

Every session feels like we're kicking up our game to another level! It's so exciting to feel like I am sensing and hearing everything they need and empowering them to go out and get the job, do a tremendous job performing on the set and generally kick acting for the camera booty.

It is so exciting for me to do it time after time after time throughout the day.

Pretty thrilling for them, too.

It's also great to get calls from actors far away who seek my paid counsel based on recommendations from some major "players" and what they've read on my website; to write my latest movieScope international filmmaking magazine column on Finding Your Voice as an actor for the camera, continue to finish my book on subtext, start yet another business (that I can't talk about yet) and have a great time attending great functions as well as have wonderful dinner party fun with friends and their French Bulldog puppy named Winston!

And these are the just the headlines!

My hope for you today is that you are *on fire!*

Are you worthy?

Too often people sabotage themselves because they don't believe they are worthy of great opportunities, relationships, gifts (of all types), real love, genuine friendship, true happiness and success.

In some cases they sabotage themselves because they suffer from an "impostor syndrome," believing themselves to be basically a fraud - not really the successful person others perceive them to be. Or that their success is undeserved - a mistake or the result of sheer luck.

People who feel worthy experience fulfillment from life, their life's work and relationships.

Because they feel worthy they're not afraid of losing a negative influence in their lives - no matter how strong a connection there might be and how great the loss might be experienced.

You are worth positive, caring, respectful relationships - with yourself and others, in the work place and at home.

We all are.

It all starts within ourselves.

We see how cruel people are to one another and click our disapproving tongues, yet the way we treat ourselves can be pretty treacherous.

I know people who would never allow their children or their pets to be treated the way they abuse themselves.

Yet they allow their own hand to light up the cigarette - poisoning their system; drink too much alcohol; take mind and body-destroying drugs; eat junk food; criticize themselves relentlessly; remain trapped in a snakepit of unhappiness, and refuse to pursue their passion or do what it takes to enhance their lives and self-worth.

If a lifestyle is built upon destructive behavior, it takes awhile to retrain ourselves.

But it can be done - and excellently - when the decision is made that we are worthy of a good and healthy life, filled with work about which we are passionate, as well as loving, caring, healthy and enduring relationships.

Interestingly, when I put in extra time or make a special effort to help an actor, they thank me for going "above and beyond" the call of duty to assist them succeed in an audition, or role they're filming or a step up in their career.

I smile and say, "Sure. You're worth it."

To a person, they snap turn to me as if I've told them something they've never heard.

I hope they pass it on to someone else - then hear it back all the time.

We are worthy.

You're worthy. Be happy.

Priorities

What are your priorities?

Basically, we create priorities based on what we believe we have to do, what we believe we "should" do and what we actually want to do.

Pursuing our passion deserves our attention - do you make yours a priority?

To become great actors, writers, directors, stand-up comics, etc., growing artists need to make doing homework, finding time to audition and work a priority.

Note I say, a priority, not the main or only priority.

Everyone has a myriad of matters that need to be made a priority throughout the day - relationships, families, pets, children, home care, health matters, physical activities, and so on.

For me it's a matter of lining up tasks and activities on a daily basis - then reprioritizing them constantly throughout my day because there are so many variables and changes that can occur over which I have no power.

No two days are *ever* the same.

Someone needs an emergency coaching session, an unexpected meeting (via phone or in person) needs to take place immediately and lasts far longer than I thought it would, someone becomes ill, a friend needs a ride to the doctor, etc.

I've so many tasks that need to be prioritized daily, it's become second nature over the years.

When I prioritize I understand that some things on my list need and receive longer periods of time to complete - and others may just receive a few minutes (or even seconds).

When I prioritize I realize it's important to do certain things just about every day - even if it's just a few minutes.

That's the key - attending to things for just a couple minutes a day makes all the difference.

I recommend to writers I coach that they start with as little as ONE MINUTE a day. Do you realize how much you can write after months of just committing yourself to 1 minute a day?

Before you know it, one minute doesn't seem like enough so you bump it up to three or five - reprioritizing the other time or tasks in your day to accommodate those "lost" two to four minutes.

When he was just getting started, novelist John Grisham wrote in the mornings before going to work as a prosecutor for as many minutes as his schedule allowed - standing up with his laptop (or typewriter - I forget which) sitting on the top of his dresser drawers in his bedroom.

Often when I speak about making something a priority, I'm misunderstood to be saying that it should be catapulted to the top - as the #1 priority, when all I really mean is that it needs to find some time in a day's schedule - even if it's for a minute or two.

One thing about prioritizing - for me, it's like living in disciplined chaos. I feel like I have a little more control in this otherwise uncontrollable thing called life!

Emmy worthy show in a plain brown wrapper

If you haven't checked out the Courteney Cox hit Dirt on the FX Network, your hands are clean, your mind remains untwisted, you continue to define decadence as a chocolate dessert and you still make your sandwiches with plain white bread.

IMO, Courteney delivers an Emmy worthy performance as Lucy Stiller every second she's on screen; the unmitigated rage and confusion that is her life screams from her eyes as she constantly attempts to control herself and everyone around her.

Come into her warped world, she will simultaneously poison and enlighten. Which you'll find so intriguing you won't be able to release yourself from the dysfunctional, narcissistic single-minded web that is her essence.

She's editor-in-chief of a gossip mag/rag/tab in Hollywood.

Lucy's life mission is to find the reason her father committed suicide. She believes that she is after the truth, in the journalistic sense. But truthfully, her extreme, immature anger and confusion has mutated into an existence wherein she is so out of touch with her feelings - including her sexuality - that her relationships are exceedingly dysfunctional and she can't trust anyone except her unlikely leading man, Don Conkey, played by the superb Ian Hart.

Don is a highly functioning schizophrenic, and Hart's performances must be seen to be believed. When he and Lucy are on screen, it's impossible to take your eyes off either.

His role is brilliantly written by Matthew Carnahan, who also deserves kudos as the show's writer.

The program is not without a sense of humor - the soap opera-ish fun and show biz satire are not missed by Carnahan.

Another great thing about this dark drama: no production shortcuts - probably thanks to the fact that the program is produced by Courteney and husband David Arquette. I'm really looking forward to interviewing Courteney for movieScope magazine!

Here's my official warning label: This is an ADULT program - rightly only shown after 10pm, and it's addicting! Nicotine has *nothing* on Dirt's jonesing properties!

European and UK readers: hopefully, you will be watching the program soon so you can judge for yourself! I believe, knowing you? You'll *love* it.

The "early" deaths of former playmates

There were several stories in the media recently about many former Playboy playmates who died young.

From drug overdoses, alcohol abuse, homicides, a plane crash, car accidents and other ostensibly preventable misfortunes.

One of the men who photographed the women blamed their tragic early deaths on their beauty.

"It's a curse to be beautiful," he said.

Um, no.

Beauty is not a curse. Their beauty did not kill them.

What killed them was emptiness. Emptiness they tried to fill with drugs, alcohol, sex or whatever else they were "famous" for.

When people are heralded for their looks and sexuality, that does not a fulfilling life make.

Looks change greatly with age, sexuality can be enjoyed in the moment, but it's not something one can build a life on. A career? Maybe. But not a life.

Because they've been so feted for doing *nothing* - except showing up, they usually don't understand how much trouble their soul and personal identity are in until they run into one of life's brick walls that they - unbelievably - did not see coming.

Too many (to me one is too many) are left without personal resources, psychological and personality tools to handle the rejection, self-examination and motivation to build a great life because of the hard work that's involved.

And let's face it, the people they hang around don't exactly push education, personal development, community service, sacrifice, delayed gratification and relationship skills.

I've known too many people who are beautiful and because their looks have been such a focus of who they are - by their families, friends, and others in their lives, they failed to develop other aspects of their persona, humanity and personality and are left feeling empty -- and in turn, worthless.

Feeling worthless is just as toxic as feeling empty. Probably more toxic, actually.

Us normal looking folks are left to wonder how that could possibly happen to such great-looking people, whom we assume to be filled with all sorts of happiness and good fortune.

But it's true. After all is said and done, it's true. Beauty is only skin deep. It's what we do with our beauty - inner and outer - that makes our lives fantastic.

When we develop ourselves, our skills and our talents - and share ourselves with others? It makes for a rewarding, fulfilling life that only gets better as we learn more about ourselves, others and the world around us.

Which is why when you're gorgeous on the inside AND the outside - contributing to your "best" self, others, friends, family (birth and adopted) and the world in your own inimitable way - you are DA BOMB!

And there are many of those show-biz beauties in our world: Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Denzel Washington, Charlize Theron, Pierce Bronson, Courteney Cox, Angelina Jolie, Ted Danson, Angela Bassett, Alec Baldwin and so many more who do such wonderful things without a stitch of publicity or noteriety.

I've seen a whole lot of beautiful people who could be in films but they choose not to because they want to do other things - and they live extremely rewarding, fulfilling lives. They focus their lives on what they do and who they are - not what they look like, though they certainly pay attention to taking good care of themselves!

Oh - and when you start out more gorgeous on the inside than the outside - and develop yourself and contribute in some way to better others and world around you?

Your outside becomes more and more beautiful as you get yourself out there, step by step.

You can't help it.

And when people greet you? They say, "Hey, Beautiful! Wassup!?"

*They* can't help it!