True champions are not bags of douche

When I coached actors, writers and directors - I advised them: what good does it do to strive to be a champion at anything (I'm all about having a championship mentality) if in your private life you are a bag of douche (trans: douchebag)?

Get your act together.

Abusing drugs, alcohol, sex or being the slave of any addiction will ultimately undo all the good you've achieved or want to accomplish in your work and with your life.

Lacking integrity - lying, cheating, using performance-enhancing drugs, stealing, taking advantage of vulnerable people around you or with whom you work (or worse, who work for you), whatever, will ultimately undo all the good you've achieved or want to accomplish - even if that does not sound "fair".

The bottom line is that if you are an addict, if you lack integrity, if you hurt or destroy others to either "protect" yourself or in a misguided attempt to get ahead, you are broadcasting to the world what a genuine loser you are - regardless of your scorecard on the golf course, stats, popularity, wealth or box office numbers.

It's not just a matter of disappointing fans and people who may believe your hype - it's a matter of you knowing in your heart what a bag of douche you are. At some point you will sabotage yourself - your relationships and your career - because deep inside you "know" you don't deserve all the accolades and money coming your way.

You "know" you are not really worthy.

Well, listen up, because here's the truth: you DO deserve all the accolades, adoration and (possibly) money coming to you from brilliant performances and fairly attained achievements.

But until you clean up your inside act and live life in a way that makes you feel good about who you are as not only as an artist or student or professional or on the job, but as a person, a parent, a partner, a businessperson, a friend, whatever - you will be the cause of your own undoing sooner or later.

And believe me, once the yarn starts to unravel, all those you have wronged in the past who were too frightened or obsequious to speak up will pitch in to pull it apart.

As I put it, if you don't take care of the inside now, the more you appear to succeed, the worse the downfall when self sabotage sets in.

Interestingly, those who chose to continue abusing alcohol, drugs, etc., moved on - insisting that their "private life" has nothing to do with their art or craft.

Actually, it does - but in more subtle ways. Like addictions cut us off from our feelings, and the artist is all about exposing emotions. Lots of great actors and musicians, for example, have gotten clean and sober to enhance their work and their lives.

And may she rest in peace, stories of Brittany Murphy's drug abuse and body issues hurt her personally and professionally - ultimately killing her. She was never able to find ways to truly love herself - much as she was loved by her fans, family and friends.

The process has to start early, because without that early start, awareness can be harder to come by. Like becoming so egotistical you can't understand the injurious or destructive effect on those with whom you work or live. Ego maniacal behavior only makes for a desperate, delusional dragoon.

Bernie Madoff, for example, long considered a financial "star," is so out of touch with his humanity he feels literally NO compassion for those whose lives he ruined (some even committed suicide) by stealing their money, or even a shred of regret for what he's done. None.

Madoff's biographer Andrew Kirtzman said that was his greatest from his research.

Imagine all the engineers of US "health care" industries that make their billions from finding ways to deny the claims of their sick clients - people who have paid them over the years to "protect" them - causing more physical, emotional and financial pain.

The very people they were hired, and well paid, to "protect." Going on to actually cause the deaths of so many paying "clients" for which they will remain forever unaccountable. Except, one day, to themselves and a Higher Power if they believe in one.

Yet Madoff, like those under the heat lamp of scrutiny for their inhumane actions, want us to empathize with them, don't they? Have pity on them for perhaps losing a job - something millions of Americans are suffering this moment. Losing their lifestyle. Their money.

Worst of all - the greedy businesspeople in certain multinational corporations who have lost all contact with their humanity. Whose insatiable greed coupled with an undeserved sense of entitlement make them believe they should be paid many millions of dollars just for breathing.

In the end, it won't matter if they've been seen as generous contributors to great and worthy causes, or how much their progeny achieve after them, when who they are turns out to be a bag of douche. Alas, that reputation will still be their legacy, no matter the other accomplishments. Just ask Joseph Kennedy if you happen to encounter him in hell.

Seriously, what good does it do to be the worlds greatest ... most famous ... whatever, when as a person you are a bag of douche?



This is one type of douche bag------>





It is not to be confused with a bag of douche or douchebag:









Don't misunderstand.

I'm not saying that audiences will shun bags of douche, because in some cases it makes them more like freaks in a fishbowl to glare at, and people will pay for that.

Exposed bags of douche can actually make us feel better about our own sorry lives.

I am saying that if you want to live in a way that makes you feel good about yourself and proud of your achievements and hang around people who understand, love and care for the real you - do right by yourself. Start the process early if you want to bring attention to yourself because the pressure only grows as you succeed and there will be many attempting to dethrone you.

If you know you've been a bag of douche - to yourself and others? Now's the best time to turn that around.

Find ways to make you feel worthy - of love, money, adoration, whatever you seek or whatever good comes your way. Because when you are genuinely in touch with your own worth - you experience the worth of others and seek to continue to enhance not only your own sense of well being, but theirs.

I'm fortunate.

I know people in the public eye (I hesitate to use the word "celebrity" because I think of celebrities as those who have done nothing worthwhile to actually deserve attention; the folks I know are hard working, down to earth, accomplished individuals) who are not bags of douche, who have integrity, who live positive lives, who are devoted parents, friends, siblings, artists and humanitarians whose souls shine for those who know them privately as well as their adoring public because they, at some point, cared enough to learn how to take care of themselves - their minds, their bodies and their souls.

And the world is a much better, richer, well entertained place because of them.

Compassion

My new BFF Colleen Patrick-Goudreau runs a vegetarian/vegan dynasty she calls Compassionate Cooks.

It made me think of the essence of compassion.

How some people have lots of it, others have none.

Or if they do have it, it's only for certain people or types of people. You have to qualify to receive a shred of compassion from those folks.

To me compassion does not mean simply letting others do what they want, no matter their destructive effect on themselves or other others. Allowing a little dog to go untrained is not a compassionate, kind or humane thing to do to the wee creature, for example.

It also does not mean "feeling sorry" or sympathetic for someone - because to do so means that we place ourselves above the object of our sympathy.

A truly compassionate person is by no means "whimpy." It takes more strength to be honest with someone in a kind and compassionate way than to either say nothing or thump them using a false sense of "honesty" as a weapon.

The art of compassion, I have discovered, begins inside.

That is, being compassionate with ourselves. Without that awareness we don't know how to be truly and completely compassionate with others.

If we devote ourselves to being good to others but don't insist that they be kind and compassionate to us - or that we be compassionate with ourselves, we're missing out on half the joy of living a compassionate life.

If we tolerate treatment that is not compassionate - it's time to move on, creating a vacuum that will be filled by people who are compassionate, kind and thoughtful. And who knows, perhaps the non-compassionate people from whom we separate themselves may actually decide to become compassionate and return with their new awareness.

We only set the compassion bar as high for others as we do for ourselves.

So what is compassion?

It's an emotion evoked by the awareness of suffering others endure. And emotion strong enough to tell ourselves we want to take action - no matter how minor - to lessen or stop that suffering. We want to help those suffering, perhaps even protect them to some degree without taking away their ability to take care of themselves.

I was shocked at how much compassion I believed I felt for others - I've often been described as compassionate - until I realized how little compassion I've had for myself.

When I understood that we can only be truly as compassionate for others as we are for ourselves, my emotional doors, windows and floodgates opened, creating an internal dynamic that I can only describe as thrilling and inspiring.

Like an "aha" moment on steroids.

If you don't understand what I'm writing about, you may want to check your compassion meter.

Someone actually told me he didn't understand why I have devoted so much compassion - so much of my energy and life time to caring for animals - my many pets, volunteering for two years at the Seattle Animal Shelter, caring for rescued horses and (for several years) running a website called petcalmer.com, devoted to helping people care for their pets.

The reason he didn't understand my emotional dedication? Why he called it a "waste of time?"

I'll never forget his response: "They can't give anything back."

I was stunned.

The animals in my life have given me back far, far more than I have given them in life's lessons, unconditional love and devotion, companionship, cold night foot warmers, insights, unique perceptions, fairness, the importance of being a leader in the lives of creatures whose reasoning powers don't exceed that of a human toddler, and compassion. They've also shown compassion for one another and for me.

And unlike so many people in my life, they've never lied to me, misrepresented themselves, betrayed me, tried to take advantage of me, bullied me, insulted or belittled me or insisted I share their interpretation of theology.

But the fact is, if we have a sense of compassion, we're not looking for a return on our "investment." I'd still take care of animals even if they didn't give me all those benefits. Heck, they have yet to take out the garbage or wash a dish and I don't care.

An act of compassion is its own reward.

I couldn't help but think, "This guy's missing a compassion gene," even though he considers himself quite compassionate.

I bet a lot of people who leave horrific, cruel "feedback" on news stories consider themselves compassionate, too. Without. A. Clue.

Good parents expand their compassion quotient farther than they ever thought possible -

But again, having compassion for ourselves is crucial to that expansion.

Be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself credit for all the good stuff you do and have done. For yourself and everyone else.

As long as you're not hurting yourself or others? Give yourself a break.

If you are hurting yourself or others (the very definition of an addict, btw) - grow up. Get help. Learn about compassion - how to have it for others and yourself.

I wish all of us a much more compassionate year.

Ever feel brand new?

Like you stepped outside of who you used to be - and are entirely comfortable in your new skin?

That's the way I feel with so many changes taking place. Most have been instigated by me because I want to raise my life game considerably; other changes resulted from my reaction to unexpected events because this determines how I respond to just about everything in the future.

I think all the work I've done relating to who I am, how I want to deal with the world - and how I want the world to deal with me - has come together, and I could not be happier.

My new "awareness - intention - action!" lifestyle makes a noticeable difference; it influences my perceptions (what's *really* important as opposed to what might feel important in the moment) as well as motivating me to do what I know is necessary and get long awaited tasks done I've postponed all too long.

Employing the "broken window policy" keeps me energized. It's the policy that says when you see something that needs fixing, fix it now, don't wait for the one break to become more broken, which is followed by more broken windows showing up, and before long those windows are so broken they need to be be boarded up and the entire area looks unsightly.

I still have some catching up to do - but attending to what needs to be fixed steadily, day after day, ends up with a very happy, healed outcome. Basically, it means taking care of the business of life and not letting less important tasks or activities distract me from what's really important - life, heart, home, relationships (human and pet), and making my films.

Doing some strategizing of how to get things done and planning what I'll need to have and do in order to implement those strategies is crucial as well. If this sounds rigid, it's not. In fact, it's a way to keep myself open to everything that comes my way so I can make solid decisions based on what I want, rather than feeling torn in several different directions.

It's sort of the Aikido of reasoning and decision making.

Aikido is a martial art that translates loosely as "the Way of unifying life energy" - it takes very little energy to deal with any attempts an opponent may make to attack because Aikido movement simply helps direct their own negative energy to be used against them.

It's going to be such a sensational year, 2010.

Bring it on, life!

Republican politicians pray for God to kill health care bill

I found this "prayercast" video and transcript of the Republican US Senators and Representatives' "prayer" on the Rachel Maddow Show.

In it, full-tilt right wing Republicans vehemently demand that God do horrible things to congressfolk who wanted to vote in favor of the measure to make sure it was killed - including claiming their opponents support a number of terrible things - terrible things that are not included in the bill. Which means they lied. They inserted a lie in a prayer.

I was stricken with these notions:

Not once did any of them pray for the best and highest good of health care for people in our nation.

Not once did any of them pray for guidance to help them assist their constituents with their health care challenges in the greatest, most positive way (Some might actually call this the most Christian way, since better, affordable health care is something Jesus might advocate- wait, according to the new testament, he actually did!).

Not once did any of them pray for the greatest welfare of our nation's people, regardless of party, regardless of wealth or station.

Not once did they pray for a scintilla of compassion for people most in need of health care assistance. It was all about them, their party, their mission, their money, their agenda - to hell with their constituents or their constituents' urgent life-and-death struggles.

No, they only prayed for what they wanted for themselves, and for God to be their henchman, to deal with their opponents in the harshest, most chilling, damning way.

For the spiritual among us, we understand their prayer was actually answered.

God said, "No."

The Senate version of the bill passed.

Christmas eve.

Amen.

The year is ending ...

and I don't know about you, but on so many levels I'm happy to see its backside!

For me it's been a year of massive learning, growth, clarifying direction, solidifying substantial plans for the future and becoming a Friar!

A couple disappointments along the way were pretty intense, but coming out the other side - good things happened from the gear shifting that resulted.

Reflecting, researching and resolving have put the approach of January 1, 2010, in good working order because of something I've learned to put between "awareness" and "action" in my life: intention.

Every night before I fall asleep, into the netherworld of dreams, I declare my intentions for the next day. When I awaken, I do the same, generally remembering exactly what I declared my intentions to be the eight hours before, when I left the planet for inner worlds unknown.

Keeping my heart and mind open, I strive to maintain an awareness of what's transpiring around and inside me - what's really going on, not what I wish were happening! This helps me see what I must do to make the difference in my life that I desire. I then declare my intention to do or get what I wish or need - resolving to take the action necessary to help it materialize.

If it seems complicated, it's not. And it takes only a couple seconds morning and night, but it keeps my subconscious on the right track as I move through my day - and dreams, I think.

So there you are - my way of greeting the new year.

I'm looking forward to it; feeling as if I'm hitting the floor running. No need for a "fresh" start January 1, my mojo is already running in fifth gear.

May you have the most wonderful, fulfilling and rewarding new year ever.

May all your dreams come to fruition; may every wish come true and may you embrace every day with the welcoming wonder of a child eager to behold every new experience and feeling that will greet her!

A sense of purpose

I wrote on my Facebook wall that despite my best efforts to simply relax over the holidays, I'm working full steam on the scripts I'm writing and developing. There are four of them, each a different genre.

Research, story structure, character development, color palette, music - all the tasks of a writer/director for every project.

While I'm totally present in the company of people I'm around, as well as tending nearly 24/7 to my aged Pomeranian - 15 year old Mistletoe - as soon as I'm on my own? It's an instant fall into creative work mode.

One friend noted that my work might actually be relaxing for me (as much as it ignites my passion, it actually is very relaxing).

Another friend told me it must be wonderful to feel such a sense of purpose - and that rang the loudest bell.

Experiencing the sensation of fulfilling my purpose is probably the most rewarding aspect of anyone's work. And I can only say once again how grateful I am to be able to do what I love and lead a purpose-driven life.

I've actually pursued my filmmaking purpose for many years; my writing purpose much longer - but those purposes were accompanied by other necessary tasks and work I also loved that were at least related to my passion in order to pay the bills.

As I've said many times before, we who do this work (paid or not) do it because we have to. Because that is our purpose, even if there is the rare wish that we could simply have a steady job with steady hours and steady pay after yet another rejection of one sort or another.

Few of us ever receive much, if any, support (especially from family) while we're in the midst of the grist of studiously advancing our craft.

Sacrificing is part of the job description - the most important thing to learn is exactly what we're willing to give up in our pursuit, because there will always be the need to sacrifice something valuable as we lay it all on the line for our quest.

And nothing less than putting it all out there for the world to kick around will do.

But now for me there is a sense of completion, since I'm able to (like all other self-employed folks) work on what I love to do most nearly 24/7.

Even when we can kick back and relax if we wanted to.

There's that sense of purpose that drives us; a desire to get better and better, for me it's also a desire to put a lot of people to work, and I have to admit - even on the very worst day, it's way more fun than any other job I've ever had.

It's something I wish for everyone who is pursuing their art, their craft, their dream.

Flims slate set

I'm really happy that our feature films slate (list) for 2010 is set.

I'm already working on the four scripts (one of which also needs an accompanying book and song) - writing and developing to write/direct.

Something I'm clear about however, is that as passionate as I am about my work, love comes first. And I guess along with that comes responsibility for the TLC of my homestead, friends and all my loving relationships.

I think this is the reason I am looking forward to seeing UP IN THE AIR with George Clooney - I think this is the lesson his character learns. Though his job sucks on the scale of humanity (firing people to cut the bottom line) and mine depends on the good will of everyone with whom I work. The last thing I want to do is fire someone.

For some reason today I thought of the late Bernie Mac.

At an Emmy Awards pre-show, along with other nominated actors, the interviewer asked all the handsome men their favorite "pick up" line. What they said to women to get them interested in going out with them.

The answers were many and vast. Talk about her eyes, notice her hair, ask about her favorite ... whatever, and so on.

When the question was posed to Bernie, who was well known for having a strong and long marriage, he responded, "My favorite pick up line when I was dating? Seriously?"

The interviewer quietly waited as Bernie looked at her thoughtfully and said, "Hello."

He added he did not believe in trying to deceive or impress anyone to win their affection. He preferred simple honesty.

I miss that guy.

Release, resolutions and resolve

I love this time of year.

Befitting the season, it's when those things that must - leaves, hard times, things that create misery - fall away, allowing a quiet snowfall of life to cover us, giving way to a touch of demi-dormancy so we can reflect on what worked and what did not over the past twelve months.

Sort of like emotional and mental assessment and house cleaning, which in turn opens up all sorts of room to prepare for what we know is ahead; tuning up a welcoming attitude for everything in store that's unexpected. Limiting expectations is the best way I know to keep maintain that attitude of gratitude for everything life hands us.

I have big goals, but keep the expectation low of knowing exactly how something should happen - or how it will look in the end. I set and keep goals - it's fun for me - but sometimes the way an accomplished goal appears is not exactly what I had in mind when I started.

Greeting unplanned events and experiences with open arms - especially those that initially feel so painful - is probably the most challenging.

Especially when, so often, the occurrences that feel the worst can actually turn out to be the best, most positive turn of events - or set up a situation that creates a much better outcome than anything we could have perceived in our unrecognized ignorance at the time we got zapped!

I think awareness and action are the best tools to deal with life.

When I've just let life happen without taking any responsibility for initiating what I want or what I want/need to do, I've run into some unexpected and rocky walls because I wasn't paying attention.

Not paying attention to how poorly someone treats us can result in being unnecessarily hurt; not paying attention to those we cherish or relationships we treasure can cause us to lose them - and never see it coming because our focus was somewhere else.

I try to keep an ear and eye out for both sides so I can take action either way.

Walking on eggs around someone, never knowing what will set him or her off - is no way to live. People - even disagreeable people - are free to be who they are, but for me? Without anger or rancor after trying to deal with the situation, I need to extract myself from the situation in order to protect myself from what I perceive to be an unsafe environment. Fortunately, these are almost non-existent in my life these days.

On the flip side, to maintain valued friendships and relationships, they need to be stoked and stroked with affection and attention with relish and often - something I find incredibly fun. I believe the more love there is, the more love there is!

So it's time to take stock of everything going on in and around me - so I can see where I need to bring my game up, and where I need to streamline or alter what I'm doing to make it all work. Make my life feel like I spend more energy moving forward rather than treading water or being swept away by circumstances I could have influenced - actually changed - if I had been paying attention and taking action.

Every day life issues like work, health and my new vegetarian lifestyle are part of this equation.

I guess my goal in life is more than just to learn everything - it's also to be the best me, the best person I can be. Which to me means being true to myself and my values, being as kind as possible to others (honesty without brutality is kinder than patronizing someone), as well as taking the best care of myself, those I love and those for whom I am responsible.

So I guess my resolution this year, simply put, would be: to pay attention and take action on what I can.

There's something called a "broken window policy" and it helps keep us on track to where we want to go. It's used in neighborhoods where problems have previously festered. After an area is cleaned and fixed up? Every single broken window is tended to - mended and fixed - immediately upon its discovery, preventing more of them from popping up along with the onslaught of attending problems.

I'll put signs around the house - PAY ATTENTION! ACTION! - to remind me of my resolution. They'll also help me make sure to immediately mend every emotional or experiential broken window that appears along the way.

A whole new chapter

I think the tipping point was my friend Ragnar deciding to take the leap, thanks to the influence of Paul and Linda McCartney.

I knew my time had come.

I couldn't deal with the realization that too many animals suffer far too much to feed us when we have so many other healthy alternatives.

Realizing just how inhumane corporate slaughter is finally did it for me.

As of January 1, I am eating veggie.

I have been considering it for a very long time. Problem is, I - basically - do not cook. I don't eat "fast food," either. It's easy for me to grab prepared foods - and there are more vegetarian dishes that are actually tasty now.

I pay more attention in the frozen healthy foods freezers at grocery stores now - and have been choosing more and more veggie selections as I find what tastes best.

I actually love vegetables and find steaming them is fast and easy. I'll still eat dairy products, so massive amounts of broccoli with cottage cheese and/or tofu actually sounds good to me these days.

My start to consciously making this decision was choosing to eating eggs from cage-free hens fed organic meal. More expensive, yes, but I've cut back my servings from two to one - which is plenty for me.

Even though fresh vegetables and fruit are expensive, I've actually started to save money as I learn how to waste less food - how to shop properly by preparing menus.

My attitude toward cooking is changing - it does consume time, but I am finding I can prepare stuff, toss it in the pan to steam while I do other things, then bingo - it's ready. The frozen meals are also a snap.

The fewer ingredients, the faster the process, the less money I spend, the happier I am.

Some vegetarians I've known have had a certain pungent smell in their homes that I'd just as soon avoid; come to think of it, they probably feel the same way about my house. I'm avoiding the seasonings that apparently permeate walls.

Interestingly, one of the world's foremost vegetarian icon/cooks shares my name.

Colleen Patrick Goudreau is not only an expert in vegetarianism, but holds cooking and other classes IRL and online, running a virtual dynasty to educate the world in a way to help its people make informed choices about what they eat.

We have expressed a mutual admiration for each other, but I've been a little queasy about staying in touch because I haven't gone completely veggie - which is my problem because she has never been judgemental about the what anyone chooses to eat.

I believe I was uncomfortable because I knew I could treat myself, animals and the world a little better by going veggie. So making the firm decision feels like I'm taking better care of myself, animals and by extension, the world.

It's going to be a challenge - changing longtime habits is always a tough go. But I've been working at it for a couple years. First, becoming more aware of what I'm eating instead of eating stuff just because I always do. Or have. Or it falls into the category of "comfort food."

I have generally seen eating as something that I must do rather than a spiritual experience - and when I consider all the evidence, it seems like the way we treat our bodies is in fact a spiritual relationship. I've always thought of my spirituality taking place in my head, soul and heart - a key component was MIA.

No more.

Anyone who knows me knows that my favorite thing to do is learn - and I know I have much to learn in this new way of eating.

I think the first thing I'll do formally is figure out the tastes I like; actually write what I love and don't love; seasonings I like and don't, and grow from there.

Simple and easy does it for me.

Baby steps.

I guess even with great veggie knowledge and educators, we students need to be ready to listen and willing to learn in order to make the difference in our own lives as well as others.

I figure this is a much easier time to go veggie - thanks to so many like Colleen, Linda McCartney, Amy's frozen foods and more who have developed good veggie choices for us uninitiated folk still finding our way.

Having said all this, I'm sure to let my friends know that this is my decision, which is significantly affecting several aspects of my life, but I don't expect anyone else to do what I do. I will only share the experience of my journey.

ACTORS BEWARD: "Breaking Dawn" is NOT being cast yet!

Online scammers (these guys are the worst of the worst) are trying to collect money from actors interested in being in the new "Twilight" saga, but producers say they aren't casting yet!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34278561/ns/entertainment-access_hollywood/


If you have fallen for their lies and actually sent money, contact your state's Attorney General office. Easy to find online under your state's website.

Are we "policy sheep?"

Last month while visiting my parents in Palm Springs, I used the public library computer to buy airplane tickets and reserve a hotel room for a business trip I had to take immediately.

Having done this procedure hundreds of times before, it never occurred to me that the website I used would have a calendar error.

I clicked what has always been the current month's calender next to the request, I clicked on what I assumed to be the current month.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered a day later the calender next to the booking date was NEXT month's. So I immediately changed the airplane dates, for which I was penalized $150.

For the hotel, however, I was told I would be charged the full price (nearly $1,000) for the days I would not be staying a full month later. That when you click the "I agree to pay" box, you agree that you're booked hook, line and sinker, whether you're there or not, no matter the cost.

They ARE free, however, to re-book the room if it's empty.

I don't mention the hotel in this matter because it's not their policy - it's the online booking agent's - continental.com.

Every person to whom I spoke said only, "It's company policy." "It's our policy." "It's the policy."

I asked to speak to a supervisor and was put on permanent hold.

I called back and was never put through to anyone at management level. I believe I was talking to people in India. It was clear the "customer service" people I addressed had no idea what to do when I asked to speak to their supervisor.

Here's what I told them (paraphrasing, but I said it in a way that I told them I hoped they recorded):

"Just having a 'policy' does not mean that it is just, fair, or legal.

"Paying for services or products that are not received - that in fact you have no intention of delivering, constitutes FRAUD. Fraud is a crime. A policy supporting fraud is - without a doubt - illegal."

Even if there is a box that says - out loud or surreptitiously - you must pay whether or not you receive the services/product - is not enforceable because it is still promoting ... say it with me ... fraud. Which is, again ... say it with me ... illegal.

Clicking or agreeing to a fraudulent practice is still partaking in an unenforceable "policy" because by its very nature the policy is part of a fraudulent practice.

Now, the only reason these greedy policies have been able to get away with this is because we haven't protested or challenged this "policy."

Most of us feel that there's nothing we can do because they are this huge corporate monolith (or a bunch of sad little yes-people stuck in cubicles taking calls from people getting ripped off who are told only to say "It's our policy." "It's the policy." And nothing else.

Here's another point: while it's supposedly continental.com's "policy," the fact is that they did not charge me a full price for the airplane flight I did not take - they charged me for the change of dates.

I would have paid the fee for changing my hotel dates as a cost of doing business (even though I still believed that the initial website's calendar error), but they refused to change the dates - I would be charged full price for the hotel rooms on the dates I mistakenly reserved even though I was changing the dates and was staying at the same hotel on the new dates.

Alone? I haven't got a shot at getting my money back unless I were rich enough to take on these corporations surrounded by lawyers who simply point at the policy we are forced to click if we want to buy a ticket or hotel room and leave it at that.

Just because we are forced to click an agreement does not mean that it is an enforceable agreement if the agreement by its very nature is wrong, unfair or illegal.

But, Dearest Reader, I did something right.

I paid the bill with my VISA card.

VISA has its own policy: if you think you've been ripped off by someone you've paid with VISA? You report the suspected individual/company, and if they agree you have a good cause, VISA will take your case, representing you in an effort to 1) not pay the bill or 2) get your money back.

In this case they will also be challenging this policy, because even if the initial error on the website was responsible, the consumer is still held liable for payment by the corporation. In other words, even if the consumer were not in any way responsible for the booking error, they are still charged.

VISA can check out just how many of us have been charged for services never rendered - was that calendar error common or a fluke? Are we forced to agree to a policy that is in fact intended to collect "free money?"

While the error would not have been made if I had called in the reservation (which also costs more money these days), the fact is, for VISA, I have a paper trail a mile long thanks to my computer interactions.

Now, if you have been victimized by a policy that is clearly unfair or illegal, and you use VISA (I don't know if other credit cards have this customer-friendly policy), report them. Refuse to be abused and you know when you're being abused - when you're paying for something you never receive.

In my case, I explained my issue in detail to the VISA representative and she assured me, if all my evidence supports what I just said (which it does) that VISA will indeed put in a good faith effort to get my money back and investigate the policy.

I figure just fighting my individual case won't help the thousands - maybe millions - of others victimized by this practice. The policy has to be changed.

I'm also sending copies of my information and evidence to my US Senators Patty Murray and Maria Cantwell, requesting they investigate this "policy" and perhaps sponsor legislation that does not permit this abuse in the future.

I *hate* the thought of creating one more law for businesses to deal with, but every law like this is brought about by the abuse of consumers. These businesses assume consumers will sheepishly fold when they are told something is a policy, no matter how wrong, unfair, or in fact, illegal.

Contacting your US Representatives and Senators is something you can do even if you don't have all your papers - if it's been awhile since you had an experience like this or didn't keep your papers. They take plenty of anecdotal evidence - personal stories from people who have been victimized by a "policy."

To contact your US Representative, find out who they are and how to contact them here.

To contact your US Senator, find out who they are and how to contact them here.

VISA contact info is on your card.

The VISA rep told me that there are a number of hotels, airlines and other travel companies that have this policy - and my case will provide an insight into the policy's veracity.

Seriously, the word policy only means "a course of action." It is not a law.

Heck, even laws that are unfair or unconstitutional can be changed.