coach - don't catch

A writer I know, Kimberly, is a former pooh-bah with a major cosmetology academy.

As we enjoyed a light brunch with our friend and present academy pooh-bah Michelle, Kim shared her secret of supervising success: coach-don't catch.

I told her I think that's a perfect way to describe my coaching methods as well.

What she means is that a good coach does not micromanage or hover over our wards trying to "catch" them making a mistake, screwing up or taking the smallest misstep so the student can be villified for erring.

All that does is make them fearful, preventing them from enhancing their confidence, pursuing their original creations and individual ideas using the basics.

Coaching, on the other hand, encourages the student to excel beyond their expectations, using praise and guidance, while helping them understand how the basics must be considered first, even if - or especially when - your particular style breaks a few of those rules.

I recalled I once helped an entire group of my actors remember to always bring their 3x5 cards to our sessions (they have all the basics they need to remember for every audition and performance written out on them), and have them ready to review so we can begin the session fully prepared.

The cards were accepted as a huge help for my actors to deal with every sort of audition and performance. Each is filled out with personal notes unique for each individual actor to remind them of the basics and any idiosyncratic tips needed to help their portrayal, whether it be for a commercial, comedy, drama or animation character.

Trouble is, for some reason, as often as I reminded them to have them out and ready to use to start the session, they kept forgetting them. It cost us time when they started their coaching sessions.

What's a coach to do? I didn't want to "catch" them, I wanted them to be responsible for their own simple professional action.

So, one day, as they approached my door, one at a time, throughout the day and evening, they were greeted with a large sign: "If you don't have your 3x5 cards with you, ready to use when you come in, please do not enter ... and you will be charged for this session."

It was hard to see so many give themselves a "I coulda had a V-8!" head smack as they turned away - never to forget their cards again. But those who were prepared came in waving their cards were on top of the world and they absolutely excelled at their sessions.

I never had to mention the cards again, and they continued to perfect the information written on them as they encountered more and different challenges for which they needed a small reminder.

Gold stars also work.

I give the talented youngsters with whom I work a little gold star - sticking it on the middle of their forehead when they do a great job. Which, frankly, was every time I worked with them because I only work with talented, professional kids. I don't think most kids belong in the business - especially those with stage parents.

Interestingly, as the adults entered, they would see the kids leave with their little gold star proudly displayed above a glowing smile. At the end of my sessions with the adults, they'd linger just a moment longer than ... I wasn't sure what they were trying to tell me.

I wasn't picking up on something.

Finally, I would see them staring at the sheet of gold stars.

I asked, a little incredulously, "Would you like a gold star?"

They would beam, "Yes!" Then, haltingly, "At least, you know, if you think I deserve it."

At first I wondered if they were putting me on. But I went along, "Um, yeah, right. Absolutely. You do. Here..."

Smack. Gold star.

They would be so pleased. I'm talking full grown adults, here - older, all races, genders, political persuasions, sexual orientations-

Directors, are you listening? ;-)

It was so touching to see them eagerly await their "report card," and how they would smile brightly after it was bestowed. Believe me, they worked hard for those stars. I think they felt somehow accomplished, appreciated and nurtured with that little star.

The parents in the group would look forward to showing their kids what they had earned in their sessions.

Somehow, I felt a little nurtured myself.

And appreciated.

And feeling a bit like I was in an out-of-body episode of the camera acting coaching version of "Scrubs."

I imagined I played a really nice, non-catching version of Dr. Cox.

;-)

Essential emotional nutrients!

The World Health Organization should add two elements to our minimum emotional/nutritional daily requirements (MDR's):

Vitamins N (urture) and A (ffection).

Affection and nurturing help our bodies produce endorphins.

Those are peptides that help us feel better, recover more completely and faster from whatever might be ailing us (physical and emotional) and give us a sense of well-being.

Making certain we have ample doses of both daily assists us feel good about ourselves, creating a much more positive attitude, helping us feel more open to accept other solutions, which adds up to being capable of taking on whatever life hands us.

In addition to tons o' hugs from people I see daily - including clients; I get puppy and kitty snuggles and kisses galore (the latter a little sand-paperish); scalp massages, air waves, manicures and pedicures from my favorite students at the nearby Gene Juarez Academy of Cosmetology; facials and skin work from my friend Kelli; massages; and frequent social visits to Kelli and her four month old baby Brock - who is very much a kissyface boy.

I love great conversation with friends and people I know who are exceptionally smart, accomplished or insightful.

I'm lucky because I work out of my home studio, so my pets are around me all the time. The folks I coach tend to fall in love with them as well. When little Oscar passed away recently, friends and those I coach who created a separate relationship with him over the months and years came to say good-bye.

I also like to be affectionate with people by sharing hugs, making appropriate physical contact or showing my fondness in other ways - like telling people for whom I care that I care about them or love them or that they are important to me.

I like to express appreciation to friends and others who do things for me; I like to write messages of thanks and make other small gestures that essentially say thanks for being you.

I tell my pets, "You know why I love you? Just because you're you." Come to think of it, I tell the kids I know and work with the same thing. Oh, yeah - and the adults.

I take classes to nurture my craft and mind: writing, poetry, drawing. I read, watch documentaries, research, investigate, attend presentations, surf the net and whatever else strikes my fancy to learn. I'm taking my first online class about Writing Romantic Screenplays next month.

I meditate, read spiritual works, write all sorts of things for myself and others, play piano, sing, play guitar and entertain anyone who will watch/listen, view and create art, attend concerts and listen to every type of music to nurture my soul.

Come to think of it, perhaps the most nurturing thing we can do for ourselves is laugh. Laughter kicks in torrents of endorphins more quickly than any other means of feeling good. Fortunately, I spend a lot of my day laughing with the folks I coach, the pets are a great source of laughter and I prescribe TV shows for myself like The Office, 30 Rock, Scrubs, Desperate Housewives and Looney Tunes cartoons, as well as listen to Stephanie Miller for a hearty ha-ha.

I love to walk, hike, now bike, work out at the gym, and have started to actually work in my yard to nurture myself and my environment physically. Before this year, God was my gardener. Now .. I'm learning how to care for and enhance the beauty of the rather wild wooded area in which I live. That's also a spiritual experience, come to think of it.

Yep, vitamins Affection and Nurture=endorphin production, and part of my MDR's.