When life throws you curves ...

Spiff up your karma.

Even when others don't - keep your word.

Maintain your integrity.

Do great work.

Be aware of what is really going on, not what is expressed.

Keep learning.

Treat people well, even when they do not return the favor - but get away from anyone who does not treat you well.

Get reliable support; people with good judgement.

Speak up - tell the truth as you see it.

Realize the universe has something much much better in store for us as long as we don't get mired and stuck in a situation that leaves us no options to improve.

Beware the person unwilling to listen, budge or negotiate.

Define what you want that's different from what you have now; how you'd like to see your situation change.





















Be grateful for every experience and lesson this situation (or relationship) taught you.

Move on. To a healthier, more positive, communicative and supportive situation/relationship.

Most importantly - get everything you need to take care of yourself in writing; don't expect anyone to watch out for you, even if they insist they will.

Have fun through it all; as long as no one is seriously injured - emotionally or physically or both - don't take any of it too seriously.

Release, resolutions and resolve

I love this time of year.

Befitting the season, it's when those things that must - leaves, hard times, things that create misery - fall away, allowing a quiet snowfall of life to cover us, giving way to a touch of demi-dormancy so we can reflect on what worked and what did not over the past twelve months.

Sort of like emotional and mental assessment and house cleaning, which in turn opens up all sorts of room to prepare for what we know is ahead; tuning up a welcoming attitude for everything in store that's unexpected. Limiting expectations is the best way I know to keep maintain that attitude of gratitude for everything life hands us.

I have big goals, but keep the expectation low of knowing exactly how something should happen - or how it will look in the end. I set and keep goals - it's fun for me - but sometimes the way an accomplished goal appears is not exactly what I had in mind when I started.

Greeting unplanned events and experiences with open arms - especially those that initially feel so painful - is probably the most challenging.

Especially when, so often, the occurrences that feel the worst can actually turn out to be the best, most positive turn of events - or set up a situation that creates a much better outcome than anything we could have perceived in our unrecognized ignorance at the time we got zapped!

I think awareness and action are the best tools to deal with life.

When I've just let life happen without taking any responsibility for initiating what I want or what I want/need to do, I've run into some unexpected and rocky walls because I wasn't paying attention.

Not paying attention to how poorly someone treats us can result in being unnecessarily hurt; not paying attention to those we cherish or relationships we treasure can cause us to lose them - and never see it coming because our focus was somewhere else.

I try to keep an ear and eye out for both sides so I can take action either way.

Walking on eggs around someone, never knowing what will set him or her off - is no way to live. People - even disagreeable people - are free to be who they are, but for me? Without anger or rancor after trying to deal with the situation, I need to extract myself from the situation in order to protect myself from what I perceive to be an unsafe environment. Fortunately, these are almost non-existent in my life these days.

On the flip side, to maintain valued friendships and relationships, they need to be stoked and stroked with affection and attention with relish and often - something I find incredibly fun. I believe the more love there is, the more love there is!

So it's time to take stock of everything going on in and around me - so I can see where I need to bring my game up, and where I need to streamline or alter what I'm doing to make it all work. Make my life feel like I spend more energy moving forward rather than treading water or being swept away by circumstances I could have influenced - actually changed - if I had been paying attention and taking action.

Every day life issues like work, health and my new vegetarian lifestyle are part of this equation.

I guess my goal in life is more than just to learn everything - it's also to be the best me, the best person I can be. Which to me means being true to myself and my values, being as kind as possible to others (honesty without brutality is kinder than patronizing someone), as well as taking the best care of myself, those I love and those for whom I am responsible.

So I guess my resolution this year, simply put, would be: to pay attention and take action on what I can.

There's something called a "broken window policy" and it helps keep us on track to where we want to go. It's used in neighborhoods where problems have previously festered. After an area is cleaned and fixed up? Every single broken window is tended to - mended and fixed - immediately upon its discovery, preventing more of them from popping up along with the onslaught of attending problems.

I'll put signs around the house - PAY ATTENTION! ACTION! - to remind me of my resolution. They'll also help me make sure to immediately mend every emotional or experiential broken window that appears along the way.

Alec's reprehensible rant

This hurts.

Horribly.

I am a huge fan of Alec Baldwin and his work.

He is an extraordinary talent and person. I interviewed him last year - his personal warmth, sense of humor, professionalism and desire to help others succeed in this business were clear; the words of wisdom he passed on to movieScope readers profound.

But with the release of the recorded horrific tirade against his 11 year-old daughter, Ireland, he is facing the personal trial of his life: whether to maturely take full responsibility for his actions and make a determined effort to grow up - or not.

To change how he deals with the misery that has been his spiteful divorce proceedings with ex, Kim Basinger - or not.

The PR nightmare resulting from the public airing of the abusive recorded message to his daughter has only been compounded by his reaction.

On his website, he makes an apology and tries to explain his behavior, in part saying that he regrets the words he used (like calling her a "pig") and that his anger was the result of six years of essentially being kicked around through custody battles by his ex-wife.

Here's the problem: there is no acceptable reason, explanation or cause for a father to verbally abuse his child. As in, ever.

If his gripe is with Kim Basinger, that is where he needs to direct his feelings - and has for six years, as she has directed hers against him - with Ireland caught in the middle.

As a parent, his role is to protect his daughter from people like him. To step in between people who for whatever reason personalize and attack children for something over which they have no power.

As a parent, his role is to let go of any feelings other than love, support, care and protection for his child.

The fact that he is attempting to explain his behavior tells us that he's trying to make himself somehow right or that his response would make sense if only we knew more about what *he* is going through.

Alec, that is the point.

It doesn't matter what you are going through. Your role is to protect your kid. Support, nurture, care for and about her.

I know he didn't come up with this abusive behavior in a vacuum. I have no doubt his own childhood and background play a role in his outrageous outburst and that the past six years have worn on him.

But the most important lesson a parent must learn is to stop making himself or herself the center of attention (he and Basinger have both failed to do this); the child should become the most important center of attention for parents the moment she's born.

I hate to think of Ireland being "brainwashed" by Basinger against her father, but he doesn't help his case by portraying himself as a victim rather than suck it up and be a responsible parent.

He spoke to his daughter as if she were knowlingly abusing him - as if he were the target of abuse - while he was in fact abusing her.

He does not seem to comprehend that his role as a parent is to try to understand why she does what she does and help her learn problem solving skills to avoid hurting other people - including him.

What a sad state of affairs for his child.

Who released the tape and why is a subject for the courts to decide. That has nothing to do with his daughter or being a good parent.

I join the chorus of people who care about him, who cry out that they wish he would get counseling to learn how to be the most effective, loving parent despite what he is going through in his divorce custody battle.

His behavior is inexcusable, as is Basinger's.

I join another chorus of people who wonder why these two 49 year-old chldren can't stop making the case against one another more important than the welfare of their child.

Adults can tell children over and over again that they did not cause a divorce. Even if they intellectually understand that - kids still feel and believe that it is their fault.

Kids may even feel at fault for a parent's personally abusive tirade directed specifically at them, when, in fact, it's all about an adult who is incapable of behaving like a responsible parent.

Whoever released the tape doesn't seem to understand that Ireland will suffer from knowing that the public heard her daddy belittle and abuse her so vehemently; reliving those vile, hurtful words along with millions of adults and kids who not only knew that he treated her this way, but heard it for themselves word for word.

Messages left on machines never go away. As in, never.

One of Baldwin's punishments for abusing his child will be that he will have to listen to this tape played in media over and over the rest of his life. The stories they air will have no relation to it, but they will play the message, nonetheless.

I believe it will also cost him jobs.

But all of this should pale to the punishment he suffers minute after minute, forced to live with the fact that he actually spoke to his child so abusively, using those hurtful words, that spiteful tone, with the unmistakeable motive of threatening and trying to scare her into behaving the way he wanted her to.

When we go to war, the first thing each side does is dehumanize the "enemy." That is what Alec and Basinger have done to one another. Now that duo is triangulated to include their innocent daughter, who is only guilty of being born to two people who now clearly and destructively hate one another.

The result, as in any war, is that a child grows up with a certain understanding of hate, enemies, an unfriendly world, believing it's them against the world, hating themselves for "causing" the war, and the probability of being abused by people he or she chooses to love, because that is how they interpret "love."

There's still time to turn it around. Grow up. Both of you. Find out how to deal with your feelings. Love your child enough to stop putting her in the middle of your adult idiocy, using her as a weapon to get revenge against one another.

The sooner you do this the sooner you'll stop being a punch line on late night TV - and the subject of blogs like this one! You have made this private affair the public's business - because we have witnessed a little girl be verbally abused, no matter the "cause" or who is to "blame"!

Divorce lawyers - how about earning your huge fees working in the best interest of the child; stop dividing these people any more than you have; help them become the world's best parents - and positive public role models for couples who are undergoing equally venemous divorces.

Only because of its already public venue, I suggest that Alec and Basinger get together with Dr. Phil to understand how to relate to their child in the most healthy way before it's too late. It would be a public service because there is no longer the possibility of privacy; show others how to save their kids from the hell this infamous couple has already put their daughter through.

Dr. Phil, take the wheel.

With whom are you careful?

A recent blog posted by my best mate poet-writer-lyricist-protege John Beresford entitled Someone loves you brought up all sorts of thoughts for me.

In his blog, John wonders why it is we seem to put more effort into our interactions with people we don't know than for the people with whom we share our lives most intimately.

You know, we spiff up for someone we want to impress, then feel no compunction about doing nothing about our appearance for the very person who does the most for us - in fact the very person who has to look at us most of the time.

It reminded me of an agent who repped my writing and directing awhile back. At first I considered her a bit closed off.

You must remember by contrast, my life is an open book. I'm pretty transparent, though I seldom discuss my family or others in my life to protect their privacy - except when one of my coachees deserves praise or congratulations!

I'm not sure why she liked me so much - perhaps it was that unshielded openness.

A true maple leaf Canadian, she is very down to earth, modest and quiet. She and her husband have one child.

Knowing how protective she is of her family and personal life, I was incredibly honored to be invited to stay with her family more than once.

The home is impeccably decorated - simple but elegant - and she is a gourmet cook.

I finally realized what was so impacting and impressive about her and her relationships with her family and those close to her: she wasn't wary - she was careful. Careful about whom she lets into her circle because she is someone who does what she says she'll do.

She is thoughtful, giving her very best to her immediate family and others who become part of her extended family. In order to be able to do that, she keeps her extended family circle small.

People are not treated cavalierly in her world. They are treated respectfully and she expects the same in return.

Promises are kept. When she says, "Call you later," she means she'll actually phone you soon. It's a committment, not a careless remark. She expects the same from you.

She carefully chooses what she cooks for herself, her family and guests (our favorite foods!); then prepares it -- with love. I guarantee you her cooking is *amazing!*

Since I don't cook, I clean up and do dishes with love ... ;-)

Decisions are made with scrupulous consideration. She and her husband communicate about decisions regarding their child, themselves and each other. They both have demanding careers.

Their unspoiled child is also thoughtful, respectful and considerate. And successful!

One thing that also stands out: their caring, sensitive actions appear effortless and easy.

I felt so appreciated, cared for and esteemed when I was around them; and that door swung both ways. Not because it was expected, but because I wanted to show them my appreciation and gratitude for all they did.

They brought my relationship game way up, so I wanted to make myself and others feel that special and respected.

I was also reminded the way we treat others closest to us is generally a reflection of how we think of ourselves. How we treat others we care about is a pretty good barometer of where we are with our own souls.

The folks who share their lives with us intimatly or with whom we are closest in work or play deserve our best, our deepest caring and highest esteem.

I will *never* forget having a discussion with a co-worker who blew off a meeting with another coworker at the last minute because she had a personal problem to work out.

She just left me a message saying she wouldn't even be back in town for a couple days.

When I saw her I asked why she felt she could just blow off our meeting without finding another way to deal with her personal situation. It felt pretty disrespectful and as if breaking her word to us wasn't a big deal to her.

She said, "I knew I could cancel because it was *just* (coworker NAME), and we could always have the meeting another time."

HUH? Say, WHAT? In very few words, she had discounted our coworker and the meeting more than if she had called people names and left the room screaming and yelling.

I responded, "I don't believe (coworker NAME) thinks of herself as *just* (coworker NAME). You didn't give me enough notice to cancel the meeting, so she still showed up and we had the meeting without you."

Which was the problem, but the absent coworker indicated it did not matter to her.

I realized this is the way she chose to treat her work family.

And it made me think of my agent/friend, realizing that she would never - never - treat anyone this way, nor would she allow them to treat her this way.

It gave me great insight into the coworker's relationship values - which I found untrustworthy - and the working relationship ended shortly thereafter.

In so many ways, we are members of several families at once.

How do you treat those with whom you are closest?

It's not the grand gestures that make the difference. It is the little things. The tender thanks for being you touch, email or card; making a favorite dish; the extra effort we make to create a warm connection or make a person feel seen, heard and understood.

I try to welcome people the same way my dogs and cat greet me - except I don't wag my tail or bark. They're always excited to see me and make it clear that in their eyes I am adored. I let them know the feeling is mutual.

Everyone who knows me understands what I mean when I say I like to treat people as well as I treat my dogs. *That* is a compliment! And of course, I like to be treated as well as they treat me!

It doesn't take a lot of work - just a little thought and understanding where our priorities lie.

Is the US really a "loveless" nation?

Mother Theresa reportedly said that she found America to be the most loveless country in the world.

Why?

Because of our priorities.

Wait. I think most of us would say that our family, friends and loved ones - or seeking a relationship/significant other - are at the top of our priorities.

I mean, perhaps the greatest evidence of our priorities is our daily list of things to do:

What do you have written down?

How many of them involve family, friends and loved ones - or seeking that special relationship?

How many of them involve work-related tasks or activities?

How many of them involve both - like having your kids or significant other attend an activity you ordinarily do alone and that they might enjoy?

Does your list of things to do look like this:

9am staff meeting
10am presentation for execs
noon lunch with advertising rep
2pm meeting with VP, sales report
5:30 squash with Bill/gym
6:30 dinner with department head
8pm concert with Beth

Or this:

8:50am call Beth - tell her how much I love her!
9am staff meeting
9:50am pick up flowers for Beth/home
10 meet with execs
noon lunch with Beth - arrange for family vacation
2pm meeting with VP, sales report
3pm arrange for kids' play day Saturday (my week to do this)
5:30 squash with Bill/gym
6pm make dinner with Beth
6:30 dinner with Beth and kids
7:30 help kids with homework (except Friday when we play putt putt golf)

Just a thought.

Old relationships (can) become new again

How do you handle the termination of a relationship?

When a relationship ends for me, I consider it dead - not the entire connection, just the part that didn't work.

So that intermediate "death" isn't necessarily its final demise.

But it is terminated completely for a period of time.

After some work, I realize that I understand that the way the relationship was constructed didn't work - and how to let go of it, reconstructing a new way to relate.

Whatever dysfunction caused the problems, poison or misunderstandings between the two of us, creating the elements that killed the connection in that form - those are in the past, at least for me.

To rehash nonfunctioning behavior patterns, "offenses," disputes, accusations (baseless and real), misperceptions and perceptions only keeps us mired in the past. But to recall the feelings that we don't wish to repeat? Those I find definitely worth discussing.

That to me is the process of forgiving. I choose to forgive because I don't like to live with anger or "hardness" in my heart. Whether I choose to reconcilliate - physcially reconnect - with someone who has treated me too badly to deserve reconcilliation is beside the point .. I have to forgive them and still maintain my distance. Forgiveness is for me, not for them.

As for true reconcilliation:

Renewing the relationship means creating a whole new experience with one another - an entirely new relationship - that hopefully will show the growth both people have undertaken since the original connection ceased to exist.

I tend to forget most everything that created original communication gulfs - unless someone is outright mean, or dishonest by ommission or comission with me. Those definitley need to be clarified and reconstructed.

It's been fascinating and fun to renew past relationships after a reasonable distance of time; when we decide to make a "clean" start. Misunderstandings and misperceptions tend to get cleared up, again reflecting the personal growth we've each pursued. Although I've gone in with no expectations, it has actually worked.

These relationships tend to be different - and closer than ever. I think it's because both people are equally invested in creating and maintaining a healthy relationship. We always seem to learn things about each other we never knew.

As it say, it doesn't work all the time. But when it does?

Fantastic.

This is also true of my writing projects. I can decide one is just not working and ready for the bin; that's when I tuck it away in the "dead pile" and forget about it.

Then one day I can see how it can achieve a higher creative value for that "dead" project. Time and zen work together and come up with the perfect way to make that script, book, essay, column or article *sing!* And not necessarily in its current form.

But in order for the conversion to be successful, I must remain open to the original project that didn't work being revised into an entirely new form. A book manuscript might works more appropriately as a script and vice versa. A short story becomes a much more suitable poem; a poem makes a more fitting and excellent essay, and so on.

Amazing how art reflects life. Or how life reflects art.

Are you happy? (part deux)

Responses* to yesterday's happiness essay were twofold:

First fold: spot on! Great blog! So true!

The second fold is the subject of this blog.

It's the concern that sometimes we indulge ourselves in the delusion that happiness is an excuse to do nothing. To simply accept everything going on around us no matter how dysfunctional, abusive or empty.

Um, no.

Genuine happiness means we know and are pleased with who we are, how we treat others and are treated and how we live. That doesn't happen if we passively let life happen without participating, therefore letting life itself pass us by.

In fact, the reason I believe that happiness should be such an important component of our lives is because when we are happy - we are true to ourselves, we're energized, we excel, we are industrious, we are caring, generous and loving, we are forgiving, we do what we were put on earth to do - for ourselves and others.

Fundamental happiness is created when we dig in, discover who we are (our true identity) - like and even love the person we find - recognize our life's passion, determine how we want to live, the type of people with whom we want to surround ourselves and how we would define our personal state of joy.

None of which necessarily comes easily or without cost.

True happiness takes courage.

Don't like your job? It's making you unhappy and you wish you could quit. Think of the courage it takes to speak up, to try creating a more positive atmosphere, better personal interactions and performing tasks in a way that would not only make you happy but please your coworkers and boss?

Most people would rather stand by and allow whatever miserable developments take place - and remain unhappy; quitely accepting a miserable working circumstance; waiting nervously to be laid off or transferred.

The worst dilemma takes place when there is a buyout.

A medium-sized local company - where employees were over the moon happy - was bought out by a very large company with the promise that the healthy positive working culture would continue as usual.

Loyalty and hard work were supported 100% by every employee at the company being bought out because they were included in all decisions that would affect them, people were allowed to be creative and were actually rewarded for speaking up about problems they saw or were concerned would grow. The very reasons the company grew so much, so quickly.

The pitch was that the financial support from the mega-corporation would only boost business, create more possibilities to be innovative, expand the number of employees, yadda yadda yadda.

I warned someone working at the local company that the buyout corporation has a wretched reputation of being greedy, cold, inconsiderate of non-executive employees and having serious customer service problems.

Despite that, my friend told me they were "guaranteed" that the fantastic working conditions, creativity and freedom at the company would continue. As usual.

Ouch. I knew avoiding the truth would leave everyone consummately unhappy. The mega corporation has a reputation of not just buying out companies, but of crushing them.

Sure enough, the megacorporation changed a healthy working environment from literally feeling lucky to show up for work (on time) into fear; employees no longer felt important or part of the process but just lackys expected to execute orders - and not very interesting tasks at that.

Mega corporation executives who knew nothing about the smaller, successful company or its culture were placed in key positions and dragged it down rapidly with their inappropriate rules and treatment of the employees. And last, but not least, these formerly happy workers found themselves fielding ridiculous customer complaints they never had to deal with as part of the original business.

The quagmire: whether to continue unhappily, to challenge The Powers That Be (which was seen as useless or they may be seen as a "complainer" or "troublemaker") or to quit.

Having experienced a genuinely healthy, happy working situation before the buyout, the vast majority quit.

Not everyone found employment right away - some remained happily unemployed until they could find a new position at a healthy enterprise; some became entrepreneurs, creating their own businesses - willing to ride the rough tide as they worked to establish themselves pursuing their passion.

In short, they loved themselves enough to find their passion, to love what they do, who they are with and how they live.

If simply showing up to do the tasks assigned for money so you can go home and live a rich, rewarding life makes you happy? Kewl. That's your definition of a happy life and you're living it!

Of course the same is true of relationships.

It can feel way easier to live from day to day without paying attention to your needs, wants or desires; without paying attention to your partner's needs, wants and desires; or without paying attention to your relationship's needs, wants and desires.

While you might present yourselves to the world as "happy," you know exactly what is going on behind closed doors.

I don't feel lonely. That is, I don't need to be around people to feel OK or not alone.

However, the only time I did feel lonely was when I was in a dysfunctional relationship. I felt extremely alone and unhappy.

It takes tremendous courage to step up and discuss these matters because it may mean the termination of the relationship.

True, but it can also work the other way. It can strengthen the relationship if both people are equally as invested in the relationship - finding new ways to make each other and themselves comforted and happy.

I confronted a relationship in which I lost trust - a relationship I did not want to lose, but the thought of being treated in a way I experienced as neglectful, untruthful and disrespectful was worse.

The relationship ended.

After grieving its loss, I found myself surrounded with people I not only trust, but who treat me very well, indeed.

I've also discovered happiness is dynamic.

The more we understand it, the more successful we can become at re-defining what happiness is, how it feels and what it looks like.

Being in touch with ourselves and our feelings can give us the courage to seek what we need to be happy - finding and living our passion and enjoying the company of others who share those values.

Caveat: The one person whom I have known to never recover from trauma and unhappiness is the adult who loses a child. No matter the age of the child, no matter the reason. To them, I can only say I hope you find some comfort in this lifetime before you, hopefully, join your child in a more peaceful, loving place.

*Please feel free to respond to my blogs by clicking on "comment." Thanks for the emails - they are wonderful! But feel free to share your thoughts with the community as well. Incredible readers from 68 nations read my blog!

Triangulation

Triangulation is what happens when a third person is pulled into a situation that initially involved just two people.

There are healthy and unhealthy reasons and ways to triangulate.

First, the unhealthy.

Triangulation done in the nature of gossip, backbiting, dishonesty, manipulation, harming reputations with false information or other karma-messing actions always comes back to rip one's psychological face off, sooner or later.

It's nature's way of balancing energy.

The folks who indulge in this do it from a state of fear. Fear of not belonging, being enough, doing enough, knowing enough and basic insecurity. After the negative triangulation, the triangulator generally feels a false sense of power, control or "being included" when they spread "information" about someone that may be confidential, inaccurate, half-true or even untrue.

Sometimes people who triangulate don't actually know what they're saying *is* harmful, necessarily confidential or untrue because they're not aware of the truth or the destruction they are causing; the poison they spread without considering the consequences. They sometimes convince themselves the end is worth whatever means they employ.

Lots of people who want to feel or appear to be in charge might triangulate in an attempt to use the information as leverage to manipulate others to seek more power - maintain a position or go for that promotion.

And it works - too often - until the truth gets out, and it always does, sooner or later.

Then .. ouch.

Credibility suffers or is outright demolished.

Just read about all the Bush administration appointees going to jail because they illegally indulged in triangulation.

Likewise, people who can't handle stress if they feel caught in the middle of a situation might also do this to relieve themselves of the pressure they experience - whether or not it is actually a stressful situation.

It may not be a genuinely stressful situation, but the person still experiences stress and wants to get out from under it.

Again, what they say in order to get out from under may not even be accurate or true but a misperception. Still, a great, if temporary relief is experienced.

And beware the person who speaks poorly of others, not taking responsibility for their own behavior, for they shall do it about you sooner or later, with or without any reason.

Pity the person drawn into this sort of triangulation without researching the information they've been handed, for they shall suffer mightily when they discover the truth.

And remember, triangulation spreads like a blanket of cockroaches in the night - one person triangulates; that triangle suddenly turns in to a hundred triangles and the "information" spreads.

Mind you, this is the basis of all sorts of great and painful drama over the millennia in plays, films, books, etc., - so if you like trauma drama in your life? You might be a triangulator...

Likewise, writers count on triangulation for all sorts of character machinations in their work.

Healthy triangulation:

If you're having trouble in your relationship, on the job or with another individual or group, you may choose to speak with a coach, counselor, psychologist, priest, parent, teacher, rabbi or minister.

If you're having difficulties with a legal business relationship, you may want to talk with the business's attorney.

Just be certain the counselor or the attorney won't triangulate and inappropriately share your confidential information with others involved in the situation!

It shouldn't happen, but believe me, it does, and the ramifications are sad, indeed!

Seeking assistance, help or guidance from a reliable source to solve a problem is seen as a healthy and positive triangulation. Or filling someone in on the truth of what has been falsely said about them may also be a healthy triangulation if they can set the record straight or prove their innocence.

OTOH, inappropriately sharing personal or inappropriate information about others is pretty unhealthy - and is usually guaranteed to create a karmic collision down the line because problems only build when someone tries to push a personal agenda or needs to hurt others in order to build themselves up for reasons of personal insecurity.

I've been around people like this over the years and always keep out of their way because I know what's ahead if they don't clean up their spilled milk. Left to fester, that karma crash happens, sooner or later, when they least expect it.

Here's hoping it *never* happens to you!

Keep your karma clean! :-)