Failures

After singing my rendition of Janis Joplin's "Piece O' My Heart" at our wrap party for The Whole Truth, several people asked, "Is there anything you CAN'T do?!"

Inferring "do *well*" because my performance was pretty much the crowd pleaser.

I joked, "Yes. Rugs and windows."

But the sad truth is, as my personal assistant Aaron (a very successful person - he played professional soccer until a head injury sent him on to other professions) and I commiserated, there have been many failures in my past.

Not that I believe in the overall concepts of success or failure. Putting too much importance on either can be debilitating. Enjoying life as it comes and is created by me, no matter the challenges handed me, is pretty much my philosophy.

But in these cases?

I think "failure" is appropriate.

Like there was the time I knit muffler scarves for friends and family as Christmas gifts. OK, I did not do enough research on the materials one should use to knit specific items. I chose a bright synthetic yarn that stretched and stretched over time.

My parents came to use their "muffler scarves" as nap blankets. Seriously. They grew so large they covered themselves with them when they stretched out on the sofa to take a nap.

My brother's .. he's more than six feet tall .. well, it grew to the point it touched the floor on either side hung around his neck. I'm not sure whatever became of it though I think wrapping water pipes during a cold streak would be useful.

The last time I saw it, he folded the "scarf" four times which made it so thick he could not wear it driving a car (even walking presented its own problems). I also had the sneaking suspicion he kept it hidden in a closet unless I visited. I figured this out when I saw the .. cobwebs.

Then there was the infamous year I made candles for everyone. Maybe that should be "candles." No, that's a bit harsh because they did burn. Mercifully.

What went awry was the coloring. I started out with the pure white wax, and I forget exactly what I used to infect- I mean affect them with bright hues, but none looked like the standard brightly hued candle you can buy at any store. Somehow I infused them quite accidentally with a sort of icky brownish-bluish-greenish-purpley pigmentation. I tried "fixing" them, adding this and that, but whatever I did only made it worse.

With "it's the thought that counts" sentiment, I wrapped them (people wince at my wrapping - not a reflection on the dreaded gift inside, but wondering how on earth someone who appears to be normally coordinated can make wrapping paper look like a refugee from a fire sale) and gave them to the people I love.

I figured, as long as they keep them away from food they couldn't do much damage - or perhaps if someone is on a diet it just might help them lose their appetite. And they could also brighten a little corner here and there. The basement, garage, outhouse ..

I have had to face my failure(s) in the fields of craftiness. Not crafty, me.

But that's in keeping with being a director. Directors are basically useless when it comes to *doing* anything. Why do you think all those crafty artists are there to help us put the film together?

We're very good at *saying* things, however. "Um, yes, let's make it blue." "No, that won't work." "It needs to be larger but not as large as, say, Simon Cowell's ego."

As long as I don't have to knit or melt wax? So far, so good.

Happy New Year.

May 2009 be your best year ever - enjoy and love every minute of it, doing things at which you excel and those things at which you aren't swell.

See you next year!

Selt-starters

I normally write a minimum of two hours a day, up to 16 hours if I'm in a creative frenzy because the words won't stop flying through my fingers.

No one tells me what to do or how much. Just me.

Any artist must be a self-starter. Self-motivated to not only create but to share and market what we create.

Best-selling author John Grisham used to write in the early morning before he went to work as a prosecuting attorney. I doubt if he thought he would become the uber-popular writer he has become, but for sure he was driven to write, to finish his book, to find someone to sell it and get it published. No one pushed him to do this, it was either inherent in his personality or he trained himself to create a successful habit.

Some have said that in fact, success is a habit.

Self-starting is not always a natural trait, but it surely is the only way we can succeed in almost any field, most particularly any of the arts. Writing, directing, acting, painting, dancing, you name it.

Good journalists must also be particularly driven to research, dig up the truth, take chances to find information that people intentionally attempt to obfuscate or hide.

While tabloid reporters and photographers in the US may risk catching a chill waiting around to catch a pathetic glimpse of Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan, more than 100 real journalists were killed last year world-wide trying to get the truth out to us about wars, corruption, criminals and the exploitation of innocent citizens.

An actor told me that he "missed acting" when he wasn't in a class. Um, when I want to act, I dig up a script, develop a character, subtext, movement, and make it happen. If I want to do scene work? I call someone and we get together.

There's really no reason we can't do our art any time of the day or night, alone or with someone else. Some of my actors work with one another on the phone. That can be anything from an improvised conversation as specific characters to rehearsing a scripted scene to just chatting about subtext or other elements of character development.

I've met so many people who consider themselves artists, particularly actors, who sit around waiting for their agent to call, reading call boards or relying on others to make their careers happen for them.

I can only suggest reading my recent blog "MAKE IT HAPPEN!" (June 1, 2007) if you need any role models.

One thing I can say that makes the difference: the people, in my experience, who succeed are people who show up. There are people who, through thick and thin, show up here, plugging away. Slow and steady can create a more substantial, enduring career than fast and erratic. Probably because any work that involves humans must develop organically. That takes time and patience, steady learning and practice - and all people have peaks and valleys in the developmental process of any work that emanates from the soul.

In the end we have to ask if your heart is really in the work you're pursuing. If it's not? It's not your passion. You're just not that into it. If you're not? Keep searching for your real passion.

Believe me, when you find what you are intended to do, what makes you soar, what brings you happiness and excitement, self-starting won't even be an issue. You'll find yourself researching, doing all sorts of things on your own, finding the right coach, finding the type of a certain discipline you'd like to pursue (such as watercolors or acrylics if you're interested in painting).

To find your passion requires self-starting to begin that search.

Many people are unhappy they haven't found their passion - but they don't seem to understand that waiting around won't make that happen.

If you have the intention of finding your passion and actually tell yourself AND write out, "I want to find and practice my passion," your quest is underway. Test the waters in the area that captures your fancy. Take a class. Talk with a trusted counselor.

Do something.

Most importantly, get started. Figure out what it takes to help you be a self-starter. Is it making a list? Scheduling tasks to make it happen? Chatting with a friend? Perhaps talking with a counselor to find why you are blocking yourself from enjoying your life to its fullest might be in order.

The question to ask yourself in order to find your own path to action? "How can I find and pursue my true passion?"

And if, in the end, you need someone to push you?

You! Yeah, you!

Get started!

Good luck!

Make it happen!

Queen Latifah says if you want to succeed (especially in the biz of show!) - you need to make it happen.

Appearing on Inside the Actor's Studio, "Lah" says that she had to make success happen for herself because when she started she was not the type of person Hollywood considered all that employable.

She hooked up with writers and directors who shared her vision and understood what she could contribute to any project. She got herself to places where industry folks could get to know her - and face it, what's not to love? Of course it helps that she's not just affable but multi-talented, well trained, experienced and a real go-getter.

She had a plan and she followed through with it.

Johnny Depp says the way to make it happen is not to work too much. He believes that actors who take every job offered don't stand out; if you want to have a long lasting career and establish yourself as a notable performer, be very picky about the roles you select to take. Consider the type and quality of work you want to do and hold out for them.

Renee Zellweger says she didn't work for a year when she decided to be careful about the roles she chose. But the payoff has been a career filled with terrific work and an Academy Award!

Sandra Bullock took charge of her career when she realized she wasn't doing herself any good by taking roles that didn't enhance her reputation professionally or personally.
She now runs her own Fortis Films production company, so she's in charge of selecting the projects, she has creative control, casting, quality control and of course gets to cash in on her own image, talent and skills. Miss Congeniality exceeded $300 million at the box office. Sandra made it happen for herself the way she wanted.

It took courage, a solid plan, determination, perseverance and a bunch of hard work to make it happen, but in each case, these extremely successful people did it by taking control of their careers and doing it their way. None of them succeeded by doing what old Hollywood said they "should" or "had to" in order to "make it." Most importantly, they did not convey a sense of desperation, but of being pro-active and skillful.

What do you need to do to make it happen for yourself? Do you have a plan? Do you feel confident or desperate? Are you happy with yourself and ready to take control of your career?

"Think big, act small"

Last night I attended a great graduation ceremony of Gene Juarez Academy of Cosmetology and Beauty students. I know several of the newly licensed and ready to go to work cosmetologists - fantastic women and men, all - and wanted to adding my support and applause to the large crowd of well-wishers.

The keynote speaker was the Education Director of Gene Juarez and he reminded us of the philosophy that most genuinely successful people have used to reach the top: think big, act small.

Meaning, make your dreams big, but remember it's all about the basics.

In this case, you can dream of having a beauty salon empire, but remember your first duty is the person for whom you're caring in the chair. Making them look more beautiful than when they came in, making them feel beautiful when they leave.

In this industry I see too many people thinking big - and acting big when they actually are not. Having big dreams is totally fine - but representing yourself as if you are big in the industry when you are not? Um, not a good idea. Sooner or later, everyone knows the truth.

It's all about having the vision to create a motion picture - perhaps wanting to make several. That's the thinking big part. After that? It's down to the basics of filmmaking: the writing - script - and all the skills it takes to make a good motion picutre, like acting, directing, script supervisor, director of photography, gaffer (lighting), props, costume, hair, make-up, set design and dressing, the music/composer, editing, post production and more.

Sometimes people come into towns (Seattle's been hit a couple times!), saying that they are big film industry people casting for a big motion picture - and if you pay them a certain amount of money to be seen by the "casting director" you'll get a shot at being in the big film!

Casting directors do not charge money to audition people.

For some reason, gullible wannabe's don't check the outfit scamming them. Fortunately, some reporters get suspicious and blow their scheme - but usually only after hundreds of people have forked over their hard-earned money. And it's too late to get their money back. In most cases, the scammers have skipped town by the time the news hits.

OK, that was a digression.

You know what I mean.

Think big, act small.

Go for what you really want, no matter how outrageously out of your grasp it seems today - just remember the basics of your craft, relationship skills and hard work are your best success-building tools.

One major key to success ...

Chris Rock, recalling his early show biz days, said that he was the least funny stand-up comic in the group of comedians with whom he started.

"They were much funnier than I was," he told Oprah.

But what separated him, ultimately, from that talented bunch was his work ethic. He did his homework daily, diligently, faithfully.

Seeing themselves as funny, his pals didn't feel they needed to work as hard on their craft as Chris did.

So while they were out partying, Chris was busy working on finding his authentic voice, discovering and perfecting the minutiae and specifics of the craft so he could make us all laugh by telling us how he sees the world.

Ultimately, aside from a short stay on Saturday Night Live (which didn't do much for his career), he was able to hone his talent, writing and performing, to become the genuine genius we know and pay lots of money to laugh at/with today.

By comparison, it's clear that he hasn't devoted the same attention to studying camera acting for his films that he did stand-up comedy .. but if he did? Wow!

Meanwhile, his stand-up preparation story reminded me of camera acting classes I taught several years ago (today I generally only do special seminars and classes for the people who study with me one on one).

The noticably talented and more experienced people would come across much better than the total newbies and those who didn't seem as talented or who didn't know a thing about acting - let alone acting for the camera.

Because of this, the actors who thought they were better than "the rest" tended to slack off doing their homework, which I designed to help them build a strong foundation for all the work they would do in the future as well as teach them how to develop any type of material handed them, working for any visual medium.

The slackers made me reflect on my own experience as a kid in public school (that's private school for UK readers). If I felt I knew enough to skate (not do my homework and still get a good grade), I would.

That changed in college. Hugely.

But oh, my. I paid the price for not doing my homework when I was a kid and realized how much I cheated myself out of a lot of knowledge, especially building the crucial foundation of groundwork I would need for several college courses and, um, oh yeah - life.

Well, about halfway through the camera acting course I taught, the actors who had worked their butts off doing the homework started to surpass their talented classmates who had slacked off.

At this point, the talented folks started to recognize that "the rest" were doing better work than they were. And that the only difference between them was that the supposedly formerly lesser talented actors were doing the (boring, tedious to them) homework.

Trouble is, because the "lab work," as some came to call it, is organic and needs to be done almost daily in order to build on skills that grow naturally, concomitantly and exponentially, it was impossible to catch up.

You can't "catch up" by doing 100 push-ups if you were supposed to be doing 5 a day for 20 days to build strength and stamina.

Like a professional athlete has to work out properly and eat nutritiously every day to properly prepare to play for a sport. If those muscles are not exercised daily and built in a certain way, injury and incompetence can result.

Interestingly, I've discovered that many of the most successful artists with long careers I know and have read about were nerds in school - they established great work habits, did their homework and got good grades. This includes some who would prefer you thought they were raised in rough trade to get their "rap" street cred.

If you weren't - or are not - one of those kids, you can learn how to attain good work habits - there are lots of resources online, counselors at schools and books at the library to show you how.

It's never too late.

But before you do that - there has to be an unabiding desire to want to do the work - and to do it well. Then to keep growing personally and professionally because it's your passion.

It's not enough to want to be a star, an actor, rich and famous, or "somebody." It's not enough to want only to work.

The goal is to do your best.

For no other reason than to feel genuinely accomplished, content, proud and rewarded by knowing you've given it - whatever that is - your "all."

As I tell one of my talented clients, "Why settle for OK -- when you can do so much better?"

It's like asking, why would you settle for a life less lived when you're capable of making a difference - in someone else's life as well as your own.

Remember the best stories told are about ordinary people - doing extraordinary things.

"Ordinary" people - like Chris Rock. ;-)

Changing the world 1 positive reinforcement at a time!

As a coach, I love to learn how people have taught themselves to do things they thought beyond their reach, ability, willpower or capacity.

Lots of folks talk and write about changes they've made, but most of them don't last. They're merely short-term transitions rather than long term transformations. And there's usually lots more to the story than they're telling - and it's not positive.

Recently Carnie Wilson told Oprah Winfrey that after dropping more than 150 pounds after serious weight loss surgery and telling everyone how great it was to be slender? Behind the scenes she became a raging alcoholic - stopping after several years only because her husband gave her an ultimatum to quit drinking or he would leave her.

So many others have similar stories of temporary "recovery" from all sorts of addictions, destructive and self-destructive behaviors -- and after their seemingly astonishing success, they return to identical or worse self and other-abusive behavior. Often repeating this cycle more than once.

No more public example of this is Oprah herself.

So what can make for a successful learning experience that lasts?

And lasts and lasts?

The Seattle Times recently ran a story about a woman who lost weight because she loved herself enough to eat properly and exercise.

She realized the reason she initially tried to lose weight was because she hated herself - the way she looked and felt, the way she believed others perceived her.

But all the methods she tried, again and again, failed. So she beat herself up for 1) being fat, 2) looking the way she did, 3) feeling incapable of becoming who she wanted to be and finally, 4) feeling like a failure.

Until she decided she would eat well and exercise because she loved herself enough to be good to herself and accept herself unconditionally. She dedicated herself to learn how to do what's best for her body and soul, giving herself positive reinforcement every step of the way.

So all these years later, the 60 pounds is still off - a distant memory - because she kept giving herself positive reinforcement, support and appreciation for who she was and everything she did to love herself.

Negative reinforcement doesn't work because it's done to prevent perceived and real abuse or punishment of some sort. The change is usually instant and fleeting.

Positive reinforcement works in the long run 100%.

In my experience, it takes longer to establish a solid ground work and system of individual positive reinforcement from which to work and grow. But once it's solid? It sticks.

Unfortunately, some people are actually uncomfortable with positive reinforcement - they believe unless you're smacking them upside the head they aren't being "pushed" enough.

Others don't believe they're worthy of such good treatment.

One of my coaching techniques is to say a word, then have my client say whatever that word inspires. After they respond, no matter what they say, I respond, "Good."

It's meant to inspire confidence for whatever their response might be, to build a sense that their response is just fine - they don't have to "edit" themselves in order to be "approved."

Here's how it works:

CP: Wood.
Client: Shed.
CP: Good!

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

It's amazing how terrifically it makes people feel to do this exercise even for a few minutes.

I then suggest they tell themselves, "Good job!" a million times a day - for every tiny little success they achieve.

Like this:

You finish brushing your teeth. "Good job!"
You wash your hands. "Good job!"
You arrive at a destination, accident-free. "Good job!"
You pay a bill. "Good job!"
You mail the bill. "Good job!"
You find that (something) you've been looking for. "Good job!"
You help your kid with homework. "Good job!"
You make a healthy choice at a meal. "Good job!"
You practice piano. "Good job!"
You sing! "Good job!"
You take a walk - even if it's inside your apartment. "Good job!"
You decide to do something to spiff up your relationship. "Good job!"
You actually do something to spiff up your relationship. "Good job!"
You decide to leave an unhealthy relationshp. "Good job!"
You actually leave that unhealthy relationship. "Good job!"
You do one part of your acting homework. "Good job!"
Make a list of your own of things to which you can respond. "Good job!"

You read my blog? "Good job!" ;-)